1. Managing Your Relationship
with Your Boss:
Managing Your Relationship
with Your Boss:
Don't Set Yourself Up for Failure
Presented by:
Rob Orr, SPHR
HR Consultant
2. “We’re running as an
economy at 30% efficiency”
“We’re running as an
economy at 30% efficiency”
Curt Coffman
Employee Engagement Global Practice Leader,
The Gallup Organization
HRMagazine, February 2004
3. Session ObjectivesSession Objectives
• Identify the cues to watch out for
• Recognize how you might contribute to
the problem
• Identify steps you can take to turn the
situation around
By the end of the session, you will be able
to:
4. AgendaAgenda
• Review purpose and desired outcomes
• Difficult Bosses
• The Set-Up-To-Fail Syndrome
• How Subordinates Contribute
• Taking Responsibility
• Summary
5. Your Difficult BossYour Difficult Boss
Use the worksheet to describe a
difficult boss that you have known
6. The Difficult BossThe Difficult Boss
1. Negative, mean spirited
2. Autocratic
3. ______________________________
4. ______________________________
5. ______________________________
6. ______________________________
7. ______________________________
8. ______________________________
7. The Set-Up-To Fail SyndromeThe Set-Up-To Fail Syndrome
• Widespread
• Insidious & Pernicious
• Based on “Common Wisdom”
9. Different Strokes for
Different Folks…
Different Strokes for
Different Folks…
Bosses consciously treat stronger and weaker
performers differently
– Stronger performers get autonomy
– Weaker performers get help
– Deadwood gets an invitation to leave
12. Labels, Biases, & MisperceptionsLabels, Biases, & Misperceptions
Having formed an opinion, our minds draw on all
possible evidence to support it. When confronted
with evidence that contradicts our viewpoint, we
overlook it or denigrate it, or find some other way
of writing it off. That way we can cling to our
original opinion as though it were a universal
truth.
Francis Bacon, 1620
(updated language by
Manzoni & Barsoux.)
13. How does this start?How does this start?
Loss of Confidence in
Subordinates
14. Triggers of Lost ConfidenceTriggers of Lost Confidence
What would you say?
15. Triggers of Lost ConfidenceTriggers of Lost Confidence
• Disloyalty
• Complaining
• Negative attitude
• Low engagement or
energy
• Low-self-confidence
• Insensitivity to signals
• Know-it-all
• Disrespect for Boss’s
time
• Blatantly political
• Extrinsic motivation
• Trying too hard
18. In-Groups and Out-GroupsIn-Groups and Out-Groups
• 80-90% of managers have sharply
differentiated relationships with subordinates.
• In-Group members have close partnerships
as “trusted assistants.”
• Out-Group members have low-quality
relationships as “hired-hands.”
19. Performance PerceptionsPerformance Perceptions
• No correlation between objective
performance & relationship quality:
1993 – Duarte, Goodson, & Klich
• Very high correlation between “liking”
and in-group status:
1990 – Wayne & Ferris
• Boss expectation in 1st week a better
predictor of “in-group status” than
actual performance at end of 2nd week
1993 – Liden, Wayne, & Stilwell
20. The Self-Reinforcing DynamicThe Self-Reinforcing Dynamic
Boss’s behavior toward
“weaker” performers
Boss is increasingly
impatient pushy or
intense during contacts
Subordinate
progressively
disconnects
Subordinate looks
for excuses
Boss is not well
informed
Boss is less able
to make useful
suggestions
Boss‘s anxiety
increases
Problem
recognition is
delayed
More problems
arise
Subordinate
performs less
well overall
Subordinate spends
time on excuses
(rather than problem
solving)
Boss loses
faith in
Subordinate's
excuses
21. RealityReality
“Good people can quickly end up with
bad labels. That needn’t be a problem.
The boss’s inaccurate label becomes a
problem because it is so hard to
change.”
Jean-François Manzoni & Jean-Louis Barsoux
The Set-Up-To-Fail Syndrome
22. Are You in the Out-Group?Are You in the Out-Group?
Let’s take a look!
Refer to the answers on
Your Difficult Boss worksheet
23. Your Difficult BossYour Difficult Boss
In small groups, share:
– the situations you described on page 5
– the factors that contributed to the situation
Agree on the common factors
( Write on page 18.)
24. “What is there in your
approach or way of
managing the situation that
might be contributing to the
problem or getting in the
way of its resolution?”
“What is there in your
approach or way of
managing the situation that
might be contributing to the
problem or getting in the
way of its resolution?”
Peter Block
Flawless Consulting, Second Edition
2000, Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer
25. Cues for SubordinatesCues for Subordinates
• Attribution of negative personal
characteristics
• Tendency to reduce contact with Boss
• Diminished self-confidence
• Hyper vigilance of Boss behavior
• Takes feedback with “a grain of salt”
• Tendency to bring up the past
• Reputation as “the person most likely to
disagree with the boss”
• Tendency to engage in covert lobbying
26. The Difficult BossThe Difficult Boss
1. Negative, mean spirited
2. Autocratic
3. Stickler for details,
intolerant, impossible to
please
4. Intimidating, treats people
as resources
5. Unrealistic
6. Stubborn; impossible to
influence
7. Manipulative
8. Meddlesome; untrusting
9. Control freak; micro
manager; evaluative
10. Uncommunicative; aloof;
unsupportive
11. Weak, prone to
favoritism; low
performance standards
12. Impatient;
temperamental;
unpredictable
13. Ignorant bureaucrat;
clueless; defensive
14. Stifling my development
27. The “Great Boss”The “Great Boss”
1. Development-oriented
2. Intuitive; decisive
3. Has high expectations and
aspirations
4. Driven
5. Demanding; has high
aspirations
6. Single-minded; focused
7. Politically astute
8. Helpful; caring
9. Encouraging; coaching;
informed; close to the pulse
10.Thoughtful, busy
11.Allows self-discovery
12.Passionate; incisive;
mercurial; (at worst)
impulsive
13.Realistic; better judge;
aware of
interdependencies;
victim of a poorly sold
change
14.Considerate; letting me
recover
28. The Observed BehaviorsThe Observed Behaviors
1. Giving critical feedback
2. Making a unilateral decision
3. Instructing work to be
redone
4. Imposing discipline
5. Setting stretch targets
6. Sticking with a doubtful
course of action
7. Sending mixed signals
8. Giving unsolicited advice
9. Asking specific questions
10. Delaying response to
proposal/ request
11. Not condemning a big
mistake
12. Losing temper in public
13. Resisting a proposed
change
14. Giving a routine
assignment
29. Perception is RealityPerception is Reality
Lacks loyalty and
integrity
Personal
betrayal
To make
things
better
Covert
lobbying
Lacks judgment,
self-control &
discipline
Challenging,
foolish
resistance
To be heardHolding
ground with
Boss
Lacks judgment
& maturity
Water under
the bridge
Avoid
repetition
Bringing up
the past
Anti-learning,
lacks potential &
respect
Ignored
feedback
EffectivenessDiscounting
feedback
Boss infersBoss seesIntentAction
30. Cues for SubordinatesCues for Subordinates
• Attribution of negative personal characteristics
• Tendency to reduce contact with Boss
• Diminished self-confidence
• Hyper vigilance of Boss behavior
• Takes feedback with “a grain of salt”
• Tendency to bring up the past
• Reputation as “the person most likely to
disagree with the boss”
• Tendency to engage in covert lobbying
33. Taking ResponsibilityTaking Responsibility
• Stop digging
• Start talking
– Increase contact with boss
– Make it easy for the boss
– Invite your boss to a meeting
– Have a new conversation
• Accomplish some tasks
34. Taking ResponsibilityTaking Responsibility
• Stop digging
• Start talking
• Accomplish some tasks
– Maintain your own self-confidence
– Fight the urge to withdraw
– Don’t overreach
35. Things to RememberThings to Remember
• Know when to hold ‘em,
know when to fold ‘em.
• There is no one to blame.
• Let go of expectations of your
boss.
• Offer the benefit of the doubt.
• Produce hope, rather than
pursue it.
36. The Set-Up-To Fail SyndromeThe Set-Up-To Fail Syndrome
Loss of Confidence
•• WidespreadWidespread
•• Insidious & PerniciousInsidious & Pernicious
•• Based onBased on
““Common WisdomCommon Wisdom””
37. Managing Your Relationship
with Your Boss:
Managing Your Relationship
with Your Boss:
Don't Set Yourself Up for Failure
Presented by:
Rob Orr, SPHR
HR Consultant
