From working with clients on improving the way they communicate with customers we've put together this list of the top 10 reasons customers get annoyed - and how to fix it. Your advertising persuades customers through the door - but how do you make sure they stay? Statements, bills, replies to complaints, social media posts, contracts, Ts & Cs, legal material, welcome packs, reminders, instructions, forms, support and admin e-mails, demands, reminders, policies, renewals, fund reports... it’s the content of comms like these that make or break your customer relationships. You’ll be sending hundreds of these “hidden communications” every day - and they often end up having a negative impact on your customers, their loyalty and your bottom line. We transform them into material that enhances your customers’ experience, simplifies and deepens their relationship with you and keeps them loyal.

1. effective
ways to really
annoy your
customers
TOP
10

2. Here are ten tried and tested
communication techniques to
really annoy your customers…

3. We would like to take this
opportunity to offer our
sincere apology for any
inconvenience caused by the
actions of our driver…
Be
insincere
“1It’s always good to use clichés to
maximise insincerity.
Top Tips!

4. We have been trying to
contact you by telephone to
let you know that your
energy direct debit was
returned by your bank.
We need to remind you that
the fixed price tariff
requires all payments to be
made by direct debit, so
it's important for us to
re-establish this payment
method without delay to
avoid penalties on your
account.
Sound like
their mum
“
2

5. I have conducted your
Direct Debit review based
on your last statement and
the following option are
available to yourself:
Leave the debit balance of
£459.23 on your account and
an increase in your monthly
Direct Debit to £230.08. We
will require, however, that
you make one off payments
anytime you can so the
debit balance can be paid
off as soon as possible…
Yap, yap,
yap
“
3Why think about writing a short email
when you can write a long one?
Top Tips!

6. Until sufficient proof of
the No Claims Discount has
been received and processed
the policy may not be fully
validated which may affect
any future claims on the
policy.
The Passive
Pass
“
4The ‘passive voice’ makes it sound like
something just happened without anyone
being involved. Great for blame-dodging
and hiding unpleasant things.
Top Tips!

7. In line with changes in
consumer tastes, we have
long been committed to
reducing added salt in
recipes to meet voluntary
targets with support from
consumer health campaigners
and other stakeholders.
Use lots of
Corpspeak
“
5Why sound like a human being when you
can sound like a corporate spokesbot?
Top Tips!

8. I have added a 5 day
extension for you. Your
proof is now urgently
required by 00/00/2014. If
the document is not
received your discount will
be reduced or your policy
will be cancelled.
Until this issue is fully
resolved your policy may
not fully validated which
may affect any future
claims.
In addition to any premium
quoted we reserve the right
to charge an administration
fee…
Bury the
bad news
“
6Put the bad news at the bottom.
Top Tips!

9. “Thank you for contacting
us with regard to Acme
Sauce.
This very minor change to
our famous recipe was made
in November last year, and
rigorous consumer tests
confirmed there was no
significant difference in
flavour between the old and
new recipes. Acme Sauce
still tastes great!”
Ignore the
question
“
7Don’t answer the question the customer
asked - it only encourages them.
Top Tips!

10. We confirm that your
premium (or the balance of
your premium if you have
paid a deposit) has been
applied retrospectively to
your Budget Account, and as
a result your payments will
be £51.91 per month over 11
months unless varied.
Don’t make
it easy
“
8

11. Please note, for security
purposes, we will not be
able to discuss this
entitlement with you until
these documents have been
processed and we have
validated your identity
against our records.
9. Sound
inflexible
“
9

12. If you are, or act on behalf
of, the above, it is
important that you make
contact with us in writing
within 28 days of the date
of this letter providing two
(2) proof of identity
documents, one from each of
the lists quoted on the
attached Confirmation of
Identity form
Sound like
Robocop
“
10

13. Fix it
1. Audit your customer comms.
2. Score them objectively.
3. Find a customer-friendly tone of
voice.
4. Help your staff sound human