Ryan Wexelblatt Presentation Hormones and Hygiene: What Parents Need to Know Social Village at Princeton Speech-Language and Learning January 9, 2016

1. Hormones and Hygiene: What
Parents Need to Know
An Introduction to Sexuality and
Relationship Education
Ryan Wexelblatt, LSW
Social Village at Princeton Speech-
Language and Learning

3. What I hope you’ll take from this presentation
• What is Sexuality and Relationship Education.
• Why kids and teens with social learning challenges need more
comprehensive Sexuality and Relationship Education.
• What information should be covered.
• Resources you can use to teach.
• Why we need to teach this information proactively rather than
reactively.

4. Identify which of these statements are true:
• The world is much more dangerous place for our kids then when we were
growing up.
• Teaching kids about sexuality can provoke them to explore sex at an early age.
• Given their social/emotional immaturity kids diagnosed with ADHD,
Asperger’s, ASD should not taught information about sexuality at the same
age as their neurotypical peers.
• We should encourage adolescents with social learning challenges to focus on
improving their social skills and making friends when they express an interest
in having a boyfriend or girlfriend.

5. If you said none, you’re correct..
• There is no data that proves the world is any more dangerous today than 30
years ago. Our kids are actually at less risk as a result of education and
prevention.
• Parents communicating with their children about sexuality and reproductive
health has been proven to delay sexual activity as well as help them to make
more responsible choices when they have sexual relationships.
• Kids with social learning challenges not only need to be taught at the same
time as their peers, they need much more comprehensive information.
• People with neurodevelopmental disabilities have the same hormones,
desires and right to have relationships as their peers.

6. What people think when they hear “sexuality education”:
• “Sex ed”
• Intercourse
• Sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs)
• Embarrassment/shame
• Anxiety
• “If she learns this she’ll become too curious”
• “His father will have the talk with him”
• “I gave her a book”
• “I don’t want someone else teaching my kid about this, I’ll do it”
(Research shows that most parents who say they’ll teach their kids
rarely do so.)

7. Sexuality and Relationship Education (SRE) provides:
•Age-appropriate, fact-based, scientific information
•Hygiene skills and health
•Healthy body image and appreciation for one’s own body
•Education to develop and maintain healthy, meaningful
friendships/relationships
•Improved decision making/critical thinking skills
•Risk reduction and self-advocacy skills
• Socially appropriate behaviors(at home, in public and online)
Comprehensive information leads to increased confidence and ability to make safe, healthy decisions.
(Hartman, 2014)

8. The challenges with providing comprehensive Sexuality
and Relationship Education
• Professionals don’t feel comfortable addressing these topics.
• Teachers, the people who are with our kids the most steer clear out of fear.
• Parents aren’t always sure about what they should teach or how to teach it.
• Lack of clarity around who should be teaching this information.

9. Misconceptions by parents, educators and professionals:
• Non-sexual behaviors interpreted as sexual (sensory/social)
• Sexual expression mistaken as deviant (hugging)
• Normative sexual behaviors are stigmatized and feared (masturbation,
puberty)
(Ballan, 2012)

10. We need to provide comprehensive Sexuality and
Relationship Education
• As kids grow older, their social and sexual skill sets are likely
to become more disparate with their chronological age and
appearance.
• Other people, however, will base expectations on their
chronological age, NOT their developmental age.
(American Academy of Pediatrics, 1996; Koller, 2000; Volkmar
& Wiesner, 2004)

11. A strange thing happened in the 1990’s

12. The age of anxious and insecure parenting began
• The 24-hour news cycle and internet started
• The fields of psychology and education began telling us:
-The way we’ve parented forever was wrong
-Nothing is more than building kids’ self-esteem (overpraising)
-Don’t tell kids what to do, ask them to do it. If they don’t want to, negotiate.
-Dangers surround our kids, Oprah and Nightline said so!
What does this have to do with this presentation you may be asking yourself?

13. • Much of people’s anxiety around Sexuality and Relationship Education is
based on the constant onslaught of media that evokes fear in parents. It has
caused us to question our judgment when it comes to our kids.
• We can’t protect our children from everything but we can provide them with
good education, teach them how to communicate and help them to develop
their critical thinking skills.
• Learning Sexuality and Relationship Education should not be your child’s
choice, it’s a necessity to keep them safe, and to help them make responsible
choices.

14. What We Know
• People with neurodevelopmental disabilities are at higher risk for being taken
advantage of, abused, etc.
• They are also at higher risk to enter the justice system as a perpetrator of a
crime.
• The justice system will not make exceptions for people with challenges. You are
responsible for your behavior.
If you “look” neurotypical and are intelligent the public’s attitude is: “They are
smart, they should know better!”.
SRE is about keeping people safe and out of trouble.
It is also about providing the skills to have healthy and meaningful relationships

15. How do kids with social learning challenges
respond to puberty
• Some are happy
• Some look at it scientifically
• Some have fear and anxiety about it- it’s change they can’t control and
symbolizes that they’re getting older
• Some kids become more dysregulated while others become more
regulated and socially motivated.

16. • Some kids will become very vocal about their interests in sex, dating
• Some will over-share information, they need to be taught what to share
and with whom
• Some will become more private, some are oblivious to the fact they
should be more private and need to be taught
• Some will feel so overwhelmed that they will attempt to “shut off” their
sexual thoughts and feelings.
How do kids with social learning challenges
respond to puberty

17. Factors that can make puberty more challenging for kids with
social learning challenges
• Lack of friendships and social experiences in which they can share and
relate their thoughts and feelings to same-age peers.
• Difficultly understanding and articulating new feelings.
• “Hormones” are way ahead of social/emotional maturity.
• Sensory issues
• Literal learners
• They don’t know what they should be asking or to whom.
• Social expectations increase significantly in middle school.

18. Teach perspective taking skills as they pertain to
sexuality education
• SRE needs to be taught within the context of understanding other peoples
thoughts, feelings and intentions. These are examples of teaching perspective
taking:
• When you start adjust your private parts in class it’s unexpected and it causes
other kids to have uncomfortable thoughts about you. You need to work really
hard to remember that everyone can see you and it’s your responsibility to
make sure people feel comfortable around you.
• It’s O.K. if you would like Mike to be your boyfriend however Mike probably
doesn’t feel the same way towards you. When you try to talk to him it makes
him feel embarrassed and when he feels embarrassed he says mean things to
you.

19. Hygiene-An Expected Behavior
• Good Hygiene, Maintaining a Hygiene Routine=Others will feel comfortable
around you.
• Lack of Hygiene, Neglecting a Hygiene Routine=Other’s will feel
uncomfortable around you, may say mean things or tease you.
• We need to be realistic about when our kids call negative attention to
themselves as a result of poor hygiene or dressing inappropriately.

20. Teach hygiene skills before they’re needed in
order to help generalize.
• Things like shaving, wearing a bra or wearing age-appropriate clothing can
be challenging for kids with sensory issues.
• Your child may not need to wear deodorant yet but starting now helps get in
a routine.
• Use humor, it helps to lighten the mood.
• Boys shouldn’t be wearing sweatpants to school starting in 5th/6th grade.

21. Building executive function skills through creating
a hygiene routine.
• Create a visual timeline of both morning and night time hygiene routines.
• Rather than prompting to do each tasks, ask your child to look at a
picture timeline of themselves doing their hygiene routines.
• Putting a specific time or timeframe on the picture helps to build a sense
of time and sense of urgency.

22. 7:10 AM

25. • The vast amount of inaccurate and irresponsible information online can
be a misleading resource for kids who are very literal learners.
• Teach how to discern between scientific, fact-based information and
inaccurate information, opinions vs. facts.
• Provide websites and YouTube videos that contain appropriate
information, there’s a lot of great information online.
Teach how to discern accurate information and facts
from inaccurate information or opinions

26. Yahoo Answers Site (Question)
Hi, I'm 16 years-old.
I don't really have friends outside of class. I don't have any
relationships with anyone to be honest. How do I get a girlfriend?
Any tips?

27. Responses to the question (Yahoo Answers)
• well look around and find a physical attraction to a couple of girls and
get their numbers and just talk to them that's it just as much as you
can. .... the one you like so talk to her even more and it should turn
into a relationship soon.........its just that easy
• Check out this website http://www.seducewomenguide.com
• if you just want sexual relief.. try your hand.. even a prostitute is
better than misleading a woman..

28. Teaching healthy body image and media literacy

29. Teach self-advocacy skills
• Help your child to identify a trusted adult aside from you (preferably one
of the same gender) whom the can ask if they have questions or
concerns.
• Teach language to use in order to develop self-advocacy skills (saying no,
asking for help/information). Remember many kids with social learning
challenges will do anything they’re told to fit in or make a friend.

30. Risk Prevention is not “Don’t talk to strangers”
• Reality is that most abuse is not perpetrated by strangers, rather by
someone the individuals is familiar with and trusts.
• People with social learning challenges can have significant difficult
understanding other’s intentions and motivations (perspective taking).
• Strangers are not all dangerous, they often help us.
• Risk prevention is teaching what’s not O.K. and also learning how to ask
for help if you’re unclear about someone’s intentions or actions.
• We need to keep in perspective that our kids often misinterpret people’s
good intentions as well.

31. Visual tools to teach social relationships and levels of
intimacy in relationships

32. What information about ourselves can we
share based on how close people are to us.

33. YouTube is how kids learn today, meet them
where they’re at
• Lots of useful, appropriate videos on YouTube on a variety of topics
pertaining to hygiene, puberty, etc.
• Few kids are willing to read a book about these topics although some are.
• Watch them together, ask if they have any questions.

35. Internet and Social Media Safety Concepts to Teach
• Nothing is private!
• Recognizing credible websites
• Do not share information online that you would not share with a
stranger
• Rules for talking on Skype, KIK, etc.
• We don’t share pictures of ourselves, don’t post our address,
name of our school, etc. online
• Appropriate texting content and frequency
• ANYTHING YOU SAY ONLINE WILL BE TAKEN LITERALLY

37. Dealing with the uncomfortable stuff
• If your child’s behaviors makes you or others uncomfortable, address
them.
• If you don’t address it sends the message that their behavior is O.K.
• Teaching social appropriateness is teaching how to be responsible.

39. Addressing pornography
• Teaching what pornography is at face value: An industry based on selling
products to men.
• If you find your child searching/looking for content give them age-appropriate
material rather than condemning their natural curiosity. Replace
pornography with educational information that’s visual in nature.
• Most importantly, teach your values about pornography.

40. Do’s
• Do acknowledge and normalize any feelings, concerns, etc. your child shares.
• Do feel free to share your stories, experiences etc. from when you were their
age. Doing this can give a relevant context to a teachable moment.
• Keep in mind that Sexuality and Relationship Education is dynamic and
ongoing. It’s not a “talk” nor is it something that needs to be discussed every
week.
• Keep in mind that boys often do best during discussions when there’s an
activity to distract them or they don’t have to make eye contact.
• Be clear about your values: “It’s OK to have an attraction or feelings for
someone, and the age when it will be appropriate for you to date will be
around “x”, but not before then”.
• Acknowledge that boys need to learn about how their bodies work from men.

41. Don’ts
• Shame them for their curiosity, i.e. “I can’t believe you were watching
that, it’s disgusting!”
• Minimize feelings of insecurity, normalize them.
• Assume they are heterosexual. “Heteroflexibility” is very common
amongst kids with social learning challenges.
• Say things like “You don’t know what you want yet”.

42. The most comprehensive book on this topic, geared towards
professionals and parents.

43. The other most comprehensive book for the
Asperger’s/Higher-independence ASD population.
Includes a great program that can be used by
teachers.

44. Great illustrations, applicable not only to kids
with Asperger’s/ASD

45. Written for kids with Asperger’s/ASD who are good readers

47. Thanks for Coming Today!
Questions?
ryanw@socialvillagenj.com