All children get angry at times, but uncontrolled anger can cause family and social difficulties. Join us to learn practical solutions that can help your child recognize and manage feelings of anger and contribute to his or her overall self-esteem, happiness, and social success.

1. ANGER AND YOUR CHILD:
Practical Solutions for Managing a Natural Emotion
Presented by:
Melissa Breslin, LCSW, ACT
March 19, 2014

2. About Anger
• Natural emotion
• A feeling that everyone experiences
• Our body’s alarm system
(physiological/biological changes)
• Problem alert

3. Definition
• Anger is "an emotional state that varies
in intensity from mild irritation to intense
fury and rage," according to Charles
Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who
specializes in the study of anger.

4. Is it okay to get angry?
• YES, it’s what we do
when we are angry that
counts the most!

5. When it becomes a problem?
Not expressed at all
OR
Expressed inappropriately

6. Why do some people experience anger
more often?
• Temperament
• Genetics
• Secondary to anxiety or depression
• Perception

7. How to help your child make a change.
• Increase awareness
• Behavioral changes
• Cognitive restructuring
• Release anger safely/constructively
• Solve the Problem

8. Increasing Awareness
Ages 6-12
• Re-label anger (Miss
Grumpy/Mr. Meanie)
Ages 13 & up
• Code word or gesture

9. Increasing Awareness
Ages 6-12
• Anger Thermometer
• Ages 13 & up
• 0-10 scale
0=none at all
10= the most

10. Increasing Awareness
Ages 6-12
• Body Alarms
Ages 13 & up
• Fight or Flight
Response

11. Behavioral Changes
Anger Rules
It’s OK to feel angry BUT
• Don’t hurt others
• Don’t hurt yourself
• Don’t hurt property
• DO talk about it

12. Behavioral Changes
Ages 6-12
• Take a break
• Cool Down Kit
• Calming Cue Cards
Ages 13 & up
• Take a break
• Activity schedule

13. Cognitive Restructuring
• Triggers are accompanied by thoughts:
automatic thoughts
Situation Thought Emotion &/or Behavior

14. Cognitive Restructuring
Ages 6-12
• Cool vs. hot
thoughts
Ages 13 & up
• Automatic thoughts

15. How to help younger children
recognize their thoughts…
When you notice child getting angry…
“It looks like you are getting angry, what
hot thoughts are in your head right now?”
What cool thoughts can you tell yourself
so you can start to feel better?”

16. Cool thought/Coping statements
• I’m not going to let him/her get to me
• I can stay calm
• I can find a way to say what I want without anger
• It’s just not worth it to get so angry
• I can handle this
• I can’t expect people to act the way I want them to
• People don’t have to do what I think is right

17. My favorite…
• We cannot control what others choose
to do or say, just how we let it affect
us…

18. Example Questions for evaluating thoughts
Ages 8 & 12
• Did they do this on purpose or by accident?
• How big of a deal is this?
• How can I fix this?
• Who can help me feel better?
• What can I do to feel better now?
• How often does this really happen?

19. Example Questions for evaluating thoughts
Ages 13 & up
• Am I overreacting?
• Am I confusing accidental with on purpose?
• Am I confusing for now with forever?
• Am I being too hard on other people?
• Am I confusing things being unfair with things just not
going my way?

20. Examples of evaluated & reframed
thoughts
• Instead of Joe did that on purpose to annoy
me, you might think, maybe it was an
accident
• Instead of Chris is always late and makes me
wait, you might think, Chris has trouble being
on time; from now on, I’ll just meet her at
class

21. Types of angry thoughts…
• Should/Shouldn’ts: expectations about how people ought to
behave and how the world ought to be
• Mind Reading: deciding you know what others are thinking before
they express it
• Blaming
• Absolutes: always/never statements
• Personalizing: perception that other people’s behavior is a
personal attack on us
• Black and White or All or nothing: the tendency to see
people or situations as all one way or all the other way

22. Releasing anger safely and constructively
All ages
• The Active Method: burn off angry
energy
• The Slowing Down Method: snuff out
the angry energy

23. Solve the Problem
• Work it out
 Flexible solution
 Brainstorming
 Compromise
• Just move on

24. Solve the Problem
Talk daily with your child…
• How did you keep yourself calm?
• How did you solve the problem?
• Or did you decide to just move on?
• How did you feel afterward?

25. Questions

26. References
• What to Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid’s Guide
to Overcoming Problems with Anger by Dawn
Huebner, Ph.D
• Change Your Thinking: Overcome Stress, Anxiety &
Depression, and Improve Your Life with CBT
(cognitive behavior therapy) by Sarah Edelman, Ph.D