Everyone will experience grief at some time in their life. Grief can accompany many forms of loss. The death of a loved one can be the most intense grief experience; however there are many forms of loss that can occur. This lecture will explore how to cope and manage a variety of losses. It will also explore how managing grief and loss is an individual process and the role compassion can play.

1. Living and Coping with Grief
and Loss
Margaret S Clarke LPC,BC-DMT, ACT
Behavioral Health and Cognitive
Therapy Center
Mandi Zucker, MSW
Imagine, A Center for Coping with Loss

2. What Is Grief ?
• Grief is a natural and normal reaction to
loss.
• Grief is the emotional response to loss.
• We need to go through grief in order to
heal.

3. Language of Grief
• Bereavement is the specific situation of
a person who has suffered the loss
• Mourning is the social and behavioral
expression of the grief

4. Grief can follow many
types of loss
• Death of someone we love
• Miscarriage / elective abortion
• Learning you or someone you care
about has a chronic and serious illness
• Becoming disabled

5. • Death of a pet
• Loss of a home
• Loss of a career, employment
• Divorce
• Loss of relationships due to familial
conflicts
Grief can follow many
types of loss (cont)

6. Grief brings on a
wide range of emotions
• Sadness
• Anger
• Shock
• Numbness

7. The task of grief is healing
• To find healthy ways to deal with our
pain
• Remember that everyone grieves in
their own way

8. How We Grieve
• Depends on a variety of factors
 Circumstances of the loss
 Gender
 Age and life experiences
 Culture and Faith

9. Choice of Rituals
• How one honors someone who has died
• How to manage the dying process
• How to care for the body
• How to care for those who are left
behind

10. Types of grief
• Traumatic Loss
• Complicated grief
• Prolonged grief

11. Traumatic Loss
• When death is sudden or violent
 Loss of a child
 Suicide
 Accidental overdose
 Accidental death or dismemberment

12. Element of Fear
No one ever told me that grief felt so like
fear. Not afraid, but the sensation is like
being afraid. Same fluttering in the
stomach. Same restlessness, the
yawning. I would keep on swallowing.
CS Lewis “A Grief Observed”

13. Thoughts & Feelings
• Self blame
• Thoughts that others blame you
especially in the case of a suicide or
accidental death
• Imagining vivid picture images of your
loved one’s last moments

14. • In case of homicide or accident wanting
wishing the perpetrator to suffer to be
punished
• Ruminating thoughts or questions why
did the death happen
• Disbelief
Thoughts & Feelings

15. • Bitterness
• Anger at law enforcement, the courts,
the media and how they handle the
death
Thoughts & Feelings

16. Survivors Guilt
• What could have been done differently
• Actions taken or not taken at the time of
the death
• Thoughts of one’s own death

17. Complicated Grief
• Mental health issues /diagnosis
 Major depression
 Post traumatic stress disorder
 Panic disorder
 Generalized anxiety
 Substance abuse / dependence

18. Prolonged Grief
• Difficulty adjusting to the loss
• Confusion about one’s role in life
• Feeling or thinking you have lost a part
of yourself
• Avoiding reminders of the loss
• Inability/struggle to trust others

19. • Difficulty moving on
• Numbness, absence of emotions
• Feeling or thinking life is unfulfilling
• Feeling stunned, dazed, shocked
• Separation Anxiety
Prolonged Grief

20. The Journey of Healing
• Let yourself grieve
• Practice Self Compassion
• Allow any thoughts and feelings to
come forth
• Try to express your thoughts and
feelings

21. There are 2 wings of mindfulness. One
wing is to pause and name what’s going on and
the second wing is to be non judgmental and
present to whatever you have named.
The first wing is to be aware and the
second is to meet what you are aware of, what
you have named with heartfulness, tenderness
and compassion.
Tara Brach

22. • Reach out to people you trust
• Look for people who accept your
feelings and thoughts
• Try simply telling people what you need
• Acknowledging your reactions and
giving them expression is important to
the healing process

23. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
• Action
• Beliefs
• Consequences
• Defense

24. Rituals can help
• Think about your loved ones wishes
• Take an active part in planning the
funeral or other ceremonies
• Help accept the death the loss

25. “We find a place for what we lose. Although we
know that after such a loss the acute stage of
mourning will subside, we also know that we
shall remain inconsolable and will never find a
substitute. No matter what may fill the gap even
if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains
something else.”
E. L Freund

26. • Helps to remember memories about
your loss is an important part of healing
• Can bring mourners together
• Can bring peace and a sense of order
Memories

27. The present moment is filled with joy and
happiness. If you are attentive you will
see it.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

28. Resources
• Bearing the unbearable Love, Loss and the Heartbreaking Path
of Grief Joanne Cacciatore , PhD
• Living life after losing a child beyond tears Ellen Mitchell
• Loving Someone Who Has Dementia Pauline Boss, PHD
• Widow to Widow thoughtful Practical ideas to rebuilding your life
Genevieve Davis Ginsburg M.S.

29. Additional Resources
• Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions Kate
Lorig, Dr.PH Halsted Holman MD et al
• In this moment Five steps to transcending stress
using mindfulness and Neuroscience Kirk D.
Strosahl, PHD Patricia J. Robinson ,PHD
• A Delicate Balance Living Successfully with a
Chronic Illness Susan Milstrey Wells

30. Other steps on the journey
• Put any regrets in perspective
• Try to put off major decisions
• Keep memories alive

31. • Think about continuing a project your
loved one started
• Look to your faith
• Consider attending a support group
• Think about helping others
Other steps on the journey

32. Allow yourself to move on

33. Grief never ends, but it changes.
It’s a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness,
nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.
Author unknown

34. Questions