2. Teenage rebellion is nothing new. Rebellious
children have been around since the first
children inhabited the earth. Remember Cain
and Abel? So, what should you do about
it? Run from the battle? Raise the white
surrender flag in defeat? Go to war with guns a
blazing? None of those things will accomplish
very much and may end up killing your
relationship with your child. Instead, it’s
important to first get a handle on why your
teen may be rebelling.
Understanding why your teen is rebelling is
foundational to understanding what we should
do about it. In today’s blog, I’m going to talk
about the “Why?” Tomorrow, we’ll address the
“What?”
3. Here are the top 5 reasons why
teenagers rebel
• Struggle for Identity.
• Your teen is trying to answer the question, “Who
am I?” During the teen years, our children
struggle to figure out who they really are and why
they are here. It’s important during this time for
parents to help children understand their
immeasurable value because of who they are, not
for what they do. A mom and dad should help
their kids understand the difference between
identity and image.
4. • Struggle for Attention.
• Often teens want others to notice them. They’re
silently saying, “Hey, look at me!” And
sometimes, they’ll do almost anything for
attention. As parents, we need to do everything
we can to give our kids attention by being
available when they need us. A father or mother
who is always working and not paying attention
to their child will find a child who seeks attention
in many wrong places and in many wrong ways.
Fathers, especially, need to let their daughters
know they are beautiful inside and out. And they
need to let their sons know they’ve got what it
takes.
5. • Struggle for Acceptance.
• Remember trying to be cool in order to fit in? It’s
the same today. Teens still want to be part of the
crowd, they want a sense of belonging, and they
still feel the pressure to do what everyone else is
doing. In the movie “What a Girl Wants,” teenage
Daphne is trying to be someone she’s not and is
really struggling with it. At one point, her boyfriend
asks, “Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when
you were born to stand out?” While
understanding our children’s need for acceptance,
let’s help them understand that it’s good to be
different. Encourage them to be different, to have
the courage to do what’s right, and the conviction
to stand out in the crowd.
6. • Struggle for Control.
• When our children are younger, we are in
complete control of just about everything they
do—what they eat, what they wear, where they
go and who they are with. As they get older, our
children want to make more and more decisions
for themselves and don’t want mom or dad
always telling them what to do. We need to
show our children that they will have more
control over their decision-making to the extent
that we can trust them to make wise
decisions. Trust is earned over time.
7. • Struggle for Freedom.
• If you have teens, you’ve probably heard
something like, “I just want some freedom.”
While teens say they want total freedom and
independence, they still want to, and need to,
rely upon us for certain things. As parents, we
need to allow them to experience more
freedom as they get older, but only as they
learn a very important point: freedom comes
with responsibility.
8. • Struggle for Freedom.
• If you have teens, you’ve probably heard
something like, “I just want some freedom.”
While teens say they want total freedom and
independence, they still want to, and need to,
rely upon us for certain things. As parents, we
need to allow them to experience more freedom
as they get older, but only as they learn a very
important point: freedom comes with
responsibility
10. 1) Notice good behavior and give attention to it.
Anything you see that you want to happen more
often -- let the child know you like it. Say, "You guys
are doing so well playing together today! That's
great!" Then go over and touch the child
affectionately or give a high five. This will help
make it happen more often.
2) Positive attention to good behavior can be a smile,
a touch or praise -- or all three -- but do it right away
and be specific about what it was the child did right
every time. "Great job taking your dishes to the sink!"
works better than "Great job!"
11. • 3) Instead of saying "stop" or "don't" when
you see bad behavior, find the "positive
opposite": Figure out what you do want the
child to do instead. So "Don't leave your
socks on the floor" becomes "Please put
your socks in the hamper." If they comply,
remember to praise them! "Wow, you did
what I asked! You put your socks in the
hamper!" You will have to say "stop" and
"don't" once in a while -- that's normal --
but you will have to say it much less if you
are praising the positive opposite.
12. • 4) Enthusiasm counts. Let them see how thrilled you are with their
good behavior!
• 5) Start a reward system for a child who rarely does what you ask,
but make a game of it. When you are both calm, tell him it is a game
and practice giving a pretend request like "Please go to bed." Then
give him praise and a point when he goes the first time you ask him
to. If he doesn't do what you ask the first time, say, "I can see you're
not ready to do it right now, you don't earn a point right now, but we'll
try again later." And they don't earn a point. If the child then turns
around after you've said that and does what you asked, then praise
her effusively, but don't give her a point. You want to get the child
used to doing what you ask on the first try. The key is practice and
role play. Give him a reward point for doing a successful pretend.
Show him the rewards he can earn by doing what you ask right
away without complaint. Rewards can be anything a child really
wants, and don't always cost money. Maybe they get an extra story
at bedtime or get to go shopping with mom.
13. 6) Give an instruction only once. Don't foster greater disobedience
by giving it a lot of attention. If you focus on their defiance, it will
actually increase.
7) Learn to ignore -- or actually walk away -- from annoying
behavior. When you stop giving attention to annoying
behavior, there's nothing in it for the child. When you first
start doing it, your child may actually throw even more
tantrums -- because they're upset that their usual way of
getting what they want isn't working. Eventually they will see
that it doesn't work anymore.
8) Your goal in a tantrum is to get past it. Stay calm yourself and
your child will calm down faster.
14. 9) When you must punish, make it a brief and don't delay it.
Don't add punishment if the child complains. If they can't or
won't do time out, take away a toy or privilege for a
specified time. Longer and harsher punishment doesn't
make it more effective.
10) Above all, put tip No. 1 into practice. Ideally, you should
be praising your child's behavior 90 percent of the time and
punishing only 10 percent of the time. Notice your child's
good behavior and give it positive attention. They will do
more of it. Change your behavior and your child will change
theirs!
18. IF YOU TREAT YOUR CHILDREN PROPERLY
Don’t be a overprotective parents so that your children will not rebel.
19. There are two pictures below in the left one those are what will happen if you don’t give a proper
attention to your children
The right one shows a perfect family and a good result of giving a proper attention to your
children
