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Flying Skateboard<br />The “Futureboard” of the future<br />Presentation for Beryl Wolk<br />
Market size <br />Over 1,000,000 kids have a skateboard today<br />The amount of skateboard riders that have stolen over $100 from their family who loves them and are over 20 years old is roughly ½ the market. This means our customers will get the money one way or the other. <br />Average cost for a skateboard is $50.00, unless it is super badass in which case it can go as high as $53.00<br />Accessories ( helmets, gloves, brass knuckles) are also a large market for skateboarders. <br />
How we built it<br />We first took an all out look at the earths magnetic field as you can see displayed to the right. We studied everything we possibly could about how it works. <br />Secondly , we acquired some scientific talent from Asia. We did this because Asians have the best understanding of magnetic fields and transportation. Japan made a bullet train, which goes 250 MPH. It runs on magnets. The Asian scientists looked at the problem of skateboards not being able to fly, then took basically everything we know about gravity and said “ Fuck You”. <br />
Foreseeable Problems – Flying Skateboard Gangs<br />What if one of these gang members flew up and gave you the business end of an aluminum bat?<br />Issues<br />It’s a fact that skateboard gangs are a problem in all cities. <br />Skateboard gangs account for 30% of all purse snatchings nationwide<br />The success of skateboard gangs is based on their mobility and determination to harass the elderly. <br />A Flying Skateboard could potentially allow them to rob second story apartments, as well as elude police by doing a 360 flip up into a tree.<br />Flying is another kind of mobility, which is how they rob old people. <br />
Foreseeable Problems- Pilots License?<br />We are not sure yet if the flying skateboard will need a pilot license<br />This will depend on the FAA<br />If it is sanctioned by the FAA, will we have to restrict Muslims from purchasing it? Will they be able to carry shampoo in a full sized bottle?<br />Will we include the flying lessons in the price of the skateboard? Would we have to train pilots to skateboard? Would they then want to form a gang?<br />Look how happy flying has made this pilot son of a bitch<br />
Foreseeable Problems – DUI/FUI/SWI<br />Skateboarders do drink a lot <br />Are we liable if they drink a delicious pint of Boones Farm and then fly their skateboard into a hanging flower basket?<br />Does alcohol make your flying skateboard more fun? Is this something we should encourage?<br />Our studies show that Americans are 95% sure Flying while intoxicated isn't even an enforceable offense<br />Being intoxicated loosens you up, thus making it less likely you would be injured during skateboard tricks <br /> “ A flying skateboard would make it easy to fly right over any DUI checkpoint” - Sherriff Smith, Durham County Sherriff<br />
Foreseeable Problems – Skinned Knees and Liability <br />“Although most skateboarders show a tough exterior most skateboarders are weak, malnourished pussies” – Tony Hawk<br />“ Oooh, you got hurt doing 360 kick flip shoveits? Why don’t you go home to your mom, who probably rollerblades, considering she still loves you even though you couldn't pull off such an easy move” – Bam Margera<br />Since the Flying Skateboard is higher off the ground , your more likely to get a skinned knee.<br />Since there is this liability and most skateboarders listen to hip hop and dress urban , we are going to include ethnic Band-Aids with every Flying Skateboard. <br />This will allow the skateboarder what race he wants his injury to be. They look like this<br />
Financial Projections<br />The graph to left has nothing to do with how many flying skateboards we are going to sell, but if you replaced “ deficit” with “flying skateboard wealth” you will have a good idea of how rich we will all be. Commission the yacht, and buy your space tourist ticket because I am going to “Flood” the market with flying skateboards! Oh, and we will need to change the years to now and then the future. <br />
Things I am going to buy with the money <br /><ul><li>I am going to buy my girlfriend a breast enlargement, and then a breast reduction, then some counseling sessions for why she doesn’t think I like her body</li></ul>First thing I am going to do is file a lawsuit to change “ Everybody loves Raymond” to “ Some People like Raymond Sometimes” because its simply not true. <br />I will purchase Oprah’s fallopian tubes and her eggs because I don’t think they would be that expensive because she doesn’t use them<br />If hes not currently in jail for rape, I would Hire David Copperfield to come to my nephews birthday party just so he can show 4 year olds the “ pull my finger” and “found a quarter behind your ear” trick. <br />
In Closing<br />+<br />=<br />Now lets get this milk this god damn cash cow!<br />