2. About Alex Wills I have worked for years trying to better understand people and their lives. I have volunteered in both Americorps and Peace Corps and have worked in a number of non-profit organizations and school systems. I have a bachelor’s degree in journalism and a masters degree in sociology. For the past several years I have worked as an ethnographer, which means I have traveled the U.S. and the world to spend time with people and learn about their lives so that companies can learn more about the people who buy their products. I have been lucky enough to make a living learning about the world around me. Thank you for having me.
7. Our Commitment during this process Confidentiality Pledge “I, _____, so solemnly swear that I will keep confidential what we talk about in this workshop.” General “we” Support is available
8. Some stats and information 71% American teenagers own mobile phone (Pew Internet & American Life Project) 58% teens have a social network site profile (Lenhart et al., 2008) 10-40% of youth report experiencing cyber bullying, and 10% admit to bullying at one time or another (Cyberbullying Research Center) 81% of parents and 79% teens agree children not as careful as they should be posting things on line; AND, 62% of parents with teens and 62% of online teens agree children do things online they wouldn’t want their parents to know about (Pew Internet and American Life Project)
9. Understanding the text generation Activity We are going to ask our daughters to help us understand why their age group loves texting so much. Top 3 reasons we love to text. Top 3 things we wish our parents would understand about whywe love to text.
12. Digital footprint = Online Reputation Content posted by you, about you Can be posted by you or someone else Includes pictures, posts, videos, documents and more Largely permanent
13. Consider this: Largely indifference or negligence, not malice Consequences, what consequences? The adolescent brain (Nurture Shock)
16. Creating a positive digital footprint: Periodically “review” yourself Have you “Googled”/“Binged” yourself lately? What do you see? What’s the “message”? Don’t think about just the literal words, but think about the overall meaning they convey Analogy: Think about going to a store and seeing a display of merchandise – what words, images and arrangements do you see?
17. Creating a positive digital footprint: Periodically “review” yourself Pretend you are someone else looking at your comments, posts, photos, etc. What do they say about you? Examples: Mean, two-faced, innocent, bashful, sporty, musical, excited, loves to travel, etc? Your message can be positive and negative at the same time Don’t rely on keyboard courage
18. Creating a positive digital footprint: A lot of experts recommend computer use occur in shared spaces at home A lot of experts recommend parents, with their kids, periodically review themselves online/on their phones
19. Creating a positive digital footprint: Think before you click Cognitive control: “But it isn’t just about managing information; it’s also part of the process of squelching frustration and anger, and stifling an inappropriate or impulsive response.” (Nurture Shock, page 171) Don’t be an impulse junky!
20. Creating a positive digital footprint: Think before you click Anyone can copy and paste Anyone can forward Anyone can ‘quote’ you, correctly or incorrectly
21. Creating a positive digital footprint: Do you suffer from FOMO? Activity: One-minute brainstorm What can you do before you click/press send?
22. Privacy Good use of privacy settings worth their weight in gold What social networks and digital programs are you using? Activity Let’s check out privacy settings using a popular social networking site – Facebook! Visit this video for more information (http://www.wiredsafety.org/fbprivacy/)
24. Communication Validate feelings I statements – avoid the b-word Critical feedback Brainstorm solutions Negotiate, compromise, agree
25. Bottoms up! make informed conclusions look for patterns walk a mile in someone else’s flip flops eyes and ears open It’s not about proving what we think we know
26. Understanding the whole story Did you know a group of Roman Mathematicians developed an equation to describe how gossip travels on the internet? In a test it only took 17 hours to spread a rumor across the globe using digital communication.
27. Understanding the whole story Activity – Can you guess what’s going on? 2 volunteers have a conversation about a friend Another volunteer overhears the conversation She shares that information with a volunteer outside the room The volunteer outside the room then comes back in and tells us what the conversation was about.
28. Digital drama “Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computer, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” (Cyberbullying Research Center) Activity What is harm?
29. What is Harm? Your best friend told Bryan you LOVED him after you told her it was a secret You didn’t get invited to the birthday party of the most popular girl in school Your friend forgot to wish you a happy birthday You see a boy get thrown into a locker at school and don’t do anything
30. What is Harm? Your friend forgot to tag you in a photo of the party You didn’t ask your friend how you should respond to a text from her boyfriend During an IM your friend says “You are so stupid” You have a chat scheduled with a friend but then have to do your chores and then she gets mad
31. The Unhealthy Friend Tries to control what you do, say or wear Threatens not to be your friend when you don’t do what she wants Always makes decisions for you when you’re together Gives you the silent treatment Makes you feel bad about yourself Doesn’t listen to yourideas Gets jealous when you spend time with others Embarrasses you in public Fights a lot without trying to solve problems Tells your secrets to others Source: Understanding Girl Bullying and What to Do About It
32. Bullying: What do we do? http://socialtimes.com/bullied-teen-quietly-takes-a-stand-on-youtube_b43727 Activity: Think, Pair, Share How would you support her if you knew her? How would you support her if she was your daughter?
33. What can we do about it? To intervene or not to intervene, that is the question? No one size fits all
34. What can we do about it? Activity Popcorn: handling drama – pair up Each group reads a scenario of a digital drama and comes up with a strategy to deal with it Parents listen, then offer their solutions after each group presents What are the policies around bullying at your school?
35. Just some things to think about We model behavior every single day Life is full of teachable moments Everyday we teach life skills One day they will leave nest It’s messy, hard and full of gray areas We are in this together
36. Some books Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman (Hachette Book Group, 2009) How to Talk so Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish (HarperCollins, 2005) Girl Bullying and What to Do About It by Julaine E. Field, Jered B. Kolbert, Laura M. Crothers and Tammy L. Hughes (Corwin, 2009)
Notes de l'éditeur
We live in a digital world – digital realities – so much of life occurring in digital spacesTons of debate about how technology should be used with teens – at home and at school
Ask participants what they want to get out of the workshop: and note it – if at the end a topic isn’t covered we will talk about it but likely most will be covered Note a lot of fear-based tactics and negative information – want to focus on positive things we can do – fear is a temporary motivator (talk about Harvard and about COPD cop story)
Want to be explicit we will touch on all these things – woven together -talking about things we can do to make ourselves safe, more supported and have more positive, productive experiences –ADD REVISED TOPICS
Talk about photo – Jodi’s 5-year-old
Want to make sure they understand I am not going to ask anyone personal questions, if I do ask questions it’s general informationSupport is available from school counselors, parents and trusted adults (teens, think about who those people are – if something comes up talk to someone)
What this tells us is that digital world not slowing down and not going awayI learned a lot of things preparing this and reviewing the research – things I can do better to protect privacy (and even some things I wasn’t doing !)Research shows that while kids are seen as experts by their parents using technology, in reality they aren’t the creators and developers – video about guy who talked about value in improving technological proficiencyEmbracing learning about how to use technology effectively and safelyGetting paid to do this
Activity
Activity
Things that are important to them right now - note to them about employers – something they will think more about as they get older
Tweens now will be online for more of their lives than today's adults. They will have large digital footprint due to time. As an example, google yourself to show them what comes up about you. Want a positive digital footprint, not a negative one.Invite them to think about as driving metaphor – don’t just jump in and drive – take classes, ride with parents, pass a test, then rules about where can go, with whom, etc. [mention law in Seattle about teens driving with other teens]
Adolescent brain – research – UCLA – neuroscientist – tested adults and teens – had them play video games while inside fMRI scanner to measure activity in different parts of their brainsResponse pattern of teens essentially the same response curve of seasoned drug addict – reward center can’t be stimulated by low doses – need big jolt to get pleasure. “in exciting real-life circumstances, this rational part of the brain gets overriden by the reward center
Research shows adults don’t really think much about this – and if they are not, what about kids? 61% of adults don’t pay attention to digital footprint
This is important – but only a piece – reactiveThink about what you do when you want to research a product – do the same thing on yourself.One or two tips for adults – here for daughters I for parent if haven’t checked own digital footprint do that
This is important – but only a piece – reactiveThink about what you do when you want to research a product – do the same thing on yourself/as a family.Story about Gracy’sfb page (anonymize) Environmental scan:In social networks where you have a profileIn places you frequent [chat rooms, im, etc.] general google/bing searchAsk what online spaces kids are in these days? Note.What thikn about what posted – nice comments, what mean? Is it nice, mean? Look at critically – what would someone think about only you based on what you posted.
This is important – but only a piece – reactiveThink about what you do when you want to research a product – do the same thing on yourself/as a family.Story about Gracy’sfb page (anonymize) Environmental scan:In social networks where you have a profileIn places you frequent [chat rooms, im, etc.] general google/bing searchAsk what online spaces kids are in these days? Note.What thikn about what posted – nice comments, what mean? Is it nice, mean? Look at critically – what would someone think about only you based on what you posted.
Our job is to suggest one way to help kids use the Internet safely and intelligently. Not because we want parents to spy on their kids but because we want the parents to be able to easily discuss issues with the kids that arise.Teach to drive – be on their own at some point encourage to get kids on their own
Holiday card study – talk about how we saw moms actually using internet and clicking away intuitively and randomly – INSERT ANOTHER SLIDE – PERMANENCE OF IT – ABILITY FOR INFORMATION TO GET FORWARDED – DO YOU KNOW HOW TO COPY AND PASTE – SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE – ANOTHER SLIDE – REASONS TO THINK BEFORE YOU CLICK
Holiday card study – talk about how we saw moms actually using internet and clicking away intuitively and randomly – INSERT ANOTHER SLIDE – PERMANENCE OF IT – ABILITY FOR INFORMATION TO GET FORWARDED – DO YOU KNOW HOW TO COPY AND PASTE – SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE – ANOTHER SLIDE – REASONS TO THINK BEFORE YOU CLICK
Fear of missing out = FOMOTalk about Holiday card study and what expert said about skinner’s box – intuitiveBrainstorm ideas about controlling impulse
HOW MANY USING FACEBOOOK? FIND OUT HOW MANY – LEGAL AGE CAN USE FACEBOOK ACCORDING TO TERMS OF SERVICE 13 – let them know they are there – put on tip sheet – here’s where go to get instructions to adjust privacy settings – facebook constantly changing something – includes privacy settingsTalk about prevention and going through heart hospital with its director and he said we aren’t very good in this society at prevention. Same thing applies here – so much reactive information, so much fear-based information. Let’s look at simply things you CAN do to make yourself safer and improve your privacy. These things will help with all of scary stuff out there.Activity – go throughfacebook privacy settingsGive attorney general brochures
This is probably one of the most important skills to learn about in digital spaces – offline and online interactDigital communications IS differentExperts rate up to 80% of communication is non-verbal – in digital spaces we don’t have those things – tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, use of body space, etc.Talk about research study on comm and generations – biggest problem everyone talked about was text messages or IMs or messages getting misinterpreted- talk about language – talk about impression managementActivity – scenario – story and ask people how interpret – give to two girls
The book How to Talk so Teens Wills Listen and Listen So Teens Will TalkVery specific stuff and steps and scenarios and types of communication, but generally, this is some of what they recommendAlso work in education – feedback, Nurture shock also talked about this in inverse power of praiseOn brainstorming and compromise – researchers found- teens divide world into categories of control – certain things parents have the right to control over but certain things that are solely in their control – tension comes when parents and teens don’t always agree what goes on in which category – what affects only the teens or that affects others – another opportunity to talk about creating life skills - What does brainstorming means – ok to come up with lots of ideas and choose from As a parent there are things you will not compromise onActivity?
About inquiry – talk about my job really getting people to open up and share their lives – learned more than I ever dreamed possibleIt’s inductive [upside down triangle] – instead of going into a situation thinking we have the answers and we are ‘looking’ to prove or disprove what we think we know, we enter a situation with open eyes and open ears – without expectation or thinking we know the answer. Good to do with parents and kids, for classmates, for everyone!Explain reference bias and what we know about working in research and surprises we learn. Talk about the value of going into a situation assuming we don’t know the answer and seeking the details and information to help us understand what’s happening – walking in someone else’s shoesWe all have bias – lens – seeing the world a certain way and acting towards people and situations based on how we ‘think’ they areWe want to understand how things happen over time, too. If a friend of yours usually isn’t mean and one day she really snaps at you, well, it’s not something that always happens. So maybe there’s something going on she could use your support with. Then again, if someone is consistently acting like an “unhealthy friend” you will want to understand that so you can make a choice about how you want to interact with her
Remember what I talked about digital communication?have 2 girls read a script in which they relay an overhead conversation. Have a 3rd girl write down 1 phrase she hears. Hand that paper to a 4th girl who has been out of the room. Ask the 4th girl to guess what is happening. Show how we interpret based upon snippets. We do it offline and even more so online.
Remember what I talked about digital communication?have 2 girls read a script in which they relay an overhead conversation. Have a 3rd girl write down 1 phrase she hears. Hand that paper to a 4th girl who has been out of the room. Ask the 4th girl to guess what is happening. Show how we interpret based upon snippets. We do it offline and even more so online.
Activity about – what is harm? Each person [or pair, group] gets an act and they decide if it’s harm or not – two columns – then review and discuss – no right or wrong answers but recognizing harm can mean many thingsWho can tell what bullying is? Talk about different meaning for same word – important to understand how harm can be experienced differently for each personReasons students don’t report cyberbullying: embarrassment, fear of escalation, adults don’t understand, adults will blame the victim, adults will restrict digital access
Activity about – what is harm? Each person [or pair, group] gets an act and they decide if it’s harm or not – two columns – then review and discuss – no right or wrong answers but recognizing harm can mean many thingsWho can tell what bullying is? Talk about different meaning for same word – important to understand how harm can be experienced differently for each personReasons students don’t report cyberbullying: embarrassment, fear of escalation, adults don’t understand, adults will blame the victim, adults will restrict digital access
Activity about – what is harm? Each person [or pair, group] gets an act and they decide if it’s harm or not – two columns – then review and discuss – no right or wrong answers but recognizing harm can mean many thingsWho can tell what bullying is? Talk about different meaning for same word – important to understand how harm can be experienced differently for each personReasons students don’t report cyberbullying: embarrassment, fear of escalation, adults don’t understand, adults will blame the victim, adults will restrict digital access
Talk about we make unhealthy and healthy choices – we can be both – we want to be able to recognize people who are consistently, over time, unhealthy friends so that we can make choices about how we interact with them
– watch video – think, pair, share – teens with teens and parents with parentsQuestion for kids: how would you support her if you knew her?Parents: how would you support her if she was your daughter?
Popcorn: each girl group is given scenario about a type of unhealthy friend behavior (based on types of bullying) and then b) gives solution- insert slide on directions – later – talk to each other about this activityAsk kids what is your school’s policy on this stuff? MA just passed law with zero tolerance
Popcorn: each girl group is given scenario about a type of unhealthy friend behavior (based on types of bullying) and then b) gives solution- insert slide on directions – later – talk to each other about this activityAsk kids what is your school’s policy on this stuff? MA just passed law with zero tolerance
Mom and guilty – observation of personal safety sessions – balance with positive example of how tools used