1. Knowing Your Purpose in Life
Lesson #5 – Know Who You Are
Forward
“For years I have noted with growing disquiet the pollution of many Christians’ minds by the doctrine of
feminism. I believe it is a far more dangerous pollution than most have realized, and I (with what
seemed to me pitifully few others) have tried to sound the alarm in every way I could. It is a relief to me
that John Piper has done what was badly needed – clarified the fundamental distinctions, defining them
not fashionably but Biblically and with good common sense. He has done more – he has cut through
much of the confusion that arises through a careless reading of the “difficult” Bible passages, and shown
us the true liberation that comes with humble submission to God’s original design. I think his thesis
rings true to the manliness or the womanliness in each of us.” ~Elizabeth Elliot
What’s the Difference?
Does leadership and submission have anything to do with superiority and inferiority?
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a job description regarding what you were supposed to be doing as a
woman?
The Tendency Today
“The tendency today is to stress the equality of men and women by minimizing the unique significance
of our maleness and femaleness. But this depreciation of male and female personhood is a great loss. It
is taking a tremendous toll on generations of young men and women who do not know what it means to
be a man or a woman. Confusion over the meaning of sexual personhood today is epidemic. The
consequence of this confusion is not a free and happy harmony among gender‐free persons relating on
the basis of abstract competencies. The consequence rather is more divorce, more homosexuality,
more sexual abuse, more promiscuity, more social awkwardness, and more emotional distress and
suicide that come with the loss of God – given identity.”
What do you think are the implications of statements like this?
Do you think it has helped our generation and the generations of our children to have put so much
energy into downplaying our male and female differences?
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Summarized from “What’s the Difference?” By John Piper

2.
Have you seen much emphasis on what manhood or womanhood should incline us to do / be?
How do you respond to this statement ‐ “. . . the Bible does not leave us in ignorance about the
meaning of masculine and feminine personhood. God has not placed in us an all pervasive and all‐
conditioning dimension of personhood and then hidden the meaning of our identity from us. He has
shown us in Scripture the beauty of manhood and womanhood in complementary harmony.”
Creation, Not Convention
Who we are and how we are to operate is a permanent fact of creation not a product of convention or
culture
I Corinthians 11:3‐16 (esp 8,9,14)
Ephesians 5:21‐33 (esp 31‐32)
I Timothy 2:11‐14 (esp 13‐14)
Do you see that differentiated roles for males and females are traced back to creation or the fall?
Masculinity
Definition
At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead,
provide for, and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing
relationships.
At the heart of . . .
This definition is not exhaustive. It is designed to show what is at the core of the issue.
Mature masculinity
Maturity in this sense indicates that the mature man is constantly growing out its sinful distortions and
limitations, finding its true nature as a form of love, not a form of self‐assertion.
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Summarized from “What’s the Difference?” By John Piper

3. A sense of
To be masculine biblically a man must not only be responsible but must also sense or feel or affirm this
responsibility.
A man may be in a situation in which he is completely incapable of relating to women (in the navy out to
sea, in prison, in combat, on an oil rig, a monk, or in any position where he is removed from the
presence of women) and he still sense a benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for, and protect
women.
Actualized or not, his sense of responsibility mandates how he relates to women. It will affect how he is
willing to act about women. You’ll see this in the way he views women in general and how he is willing
to interact with them even if he’s not directly leading, providing, or protecting that specific woman.
A man may also be incapable of leading, providing, or protecting a woman through incapacity or injury,
but with a Biblical understanding and application of masculinity he will still be able to maintain a sense
of ownership about his duties to be responsible for the women in his sphere of influence.
What are ways that you see leadership, protection, and provision enacted by the Biblically masculine
men in your life?
How do you think this would be affected in a single mother situation?
How do you think this should be affected in a situation where the husband refuses to assume Biblical
masculinity?
Benevolent
The responsibility listed in the previous section is for the good of the woman. This rules out self‐
aggrandizing authoritarianism.
Luke 22:26
Benevolence also rules out disdaining condescension and patronization and mandates attitudes and
actions that result in women feeling honored and prized
I Peter 3:7
Responsibility
“The burden of this word is to stress that masculinity is a God‐given trust for the good of all his
creatures, not a right for men to exercise for their own self‐exaltation or ego‐satisfaction.
God’s requirements are not meant to be burdensome
I John 5:3
But true masculinity is a true burden to be borne, which in Christ can be borne lightly.
Matthew 11:30
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Summarized from “What’s the Difference?” By John Piper

4. The word responsibility needs to have the realization of the heavy weight of accountability behind it.
Women bear responsibility, but men bear a unique and primary responsibility over women’s
responsibility.
Genesis 3:9
To Lead
1. Mature masculinity expresses itself not in the demand to be served, but in the strength to serve
and to sacrifice for the good of woman. (Luke 22:26)
a. Moving women forward to a specific goal – holiness and heaven – through self‐sacrifice
(Eph 5:23,25)
2. Mature masculinity does not assume the authority of Christ over woman, but advocates it.
a. Act AS Christ ) (Eph 5:23) – selfless sacrifice
b. Act FOR Christ – pursuing holiness for women, leading women to depend on Christ
3. Mature masculinity does not presume superiority, but mobilizes the strengths of others.
a. Loving his wife as a part of himself , not being a domineering supervisor / controller–
Eph 5:28‐29
b. Treating her as a fellow heir, not a servant girl – Romans 8:17
4. Mature masculinity does not have to initiate every action, but feels the responsibility to provide
a general pattern of initiative.
5. Mature masculinity accepts the burden of the final say in disagreements between husband and
wife, but does not presume to use it in every instance.
a. Love governs the relationship – Eph 5:25
b. There is implied equality since both sexes are created in the image of God – Gen 1:27
c. Both are fellow –heirs – I Peter 3:7
d. (Unilateral decision making is not a sign of good leadership. It’s generally a sign of
laziness.)
6. Mature masculinity expresses its leadership in romantic sexual relations by communicating an
aura of strong and tender pursuit (as a picture of Christ).
7. Mature masculinity expresses itself in a family by taking the initiative in disciplining the children
when both parents are present and a family standard has been broken.
a. Mothers and fathers should both be obeyed (Eph 6:1)
b. Mothers and fathers are both esteemed in the home (Prov 1:8; 6:20; 31:1)
8. Mature masculinity is sensitive to cultural expressions of masculinity and adapts to them
(where no sin is involved) in order to communicate to a woman that a man would like to relate
not in any aggressive or perverted way, but with maturity and dignity as a man.
a. Dressing customs
b. Speaking
c. Manners
9. Mature masculinity recognizes that the call to leadership is a call to repentance and humility and
risk‐taking.
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Summarized from “What’s the Difference?” By John Piper

5. Provide For
This has nothing to do with a woman not contributing to the efforts of provision, but when push comes
to shove the man bears the weight of the responsibility of provision for the family.
Genesis 3:9 – consequences of sin did not generate the need to work for provision. It just made it
harder; when called into account the man is the one that comes into responsibility first and most
This is less about division of labor in the house and more about primary responsibility. This is less about
marriage and more about basic masculinity.
Protection
The benevolent responsibility of masculinity mandates a sense of natural, God‐given responsibility to
step forward and put himself between woman and harm, in effect becoming her servant. This has
nothing to do with woman’s weakness, rather it has everything to do with his responsibility based on his
position alone.
Women
Indicates that these responsibilities are carried out to all women not just his wife, mother, sisters,
daughters . . . .
In ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships
The way a husband acts around his wife is going to be different than the way he acts around other
women
Eph 5:22
Titus 2:5
I peter 3:1,5
The actions of a male toward a female depends on the setting and the relationship.
Femininity
Definition
At the heart of mature femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive, and nurture strength and
leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman’s differing relationships.
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Summarized from “What’s the Difference?” By John Piper

6. At the heart of . . .
This definition is not exhaustive. It is designed to show what is at the core of the issue.
Mature femininity
Maturity in this sense indicates that the mature woman is constantly growing out its sinful distortions
and limitations, finding its true nature what God has willed it to be at its best.
Is a freeing disposition
It’s important to see this as a disposition and not simply a set of behaviors or roles.
This is a disposition to yield to man’s authority and an inclination to follow his leadership but the level
and reality depends largely on the maturity of the man involved.
However, even if the man in question is sinful, the woman responding can still have a yielded spirit of
submission.
This disposition is described as freeing because it is based on truth.
John 8:32
Freedom can not be best understood as the absence of any limits, but the presence of limits that help
the role to function without calamity. Freedom can’t be seen as the immediate sensations of
unrestrained license and independence. True freedom takes God’s reality and purpose for creation into
account and seeks to fit smoothly into God’s good design.
The greatest freedom is found in being so changed by God’s Spirit that you can do what you love to do
and know that it conforms to the design of God and leads to life and glory.
Romans 12:2
To affirm, receive, and nurture strength and leadership from worthy men
Affirm – mature women advocate the kind of masculine – feminine complementarity that is being
described here.
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Summarized from “What’s the Difference?” By John Piper
Receive – mature femininity feels natural and glad to accept the strength and leadership of worthy men.
Nurture – the responsibility is to work to encourage biblical masculinity to increase.
In ways appropriate to a man’s differing relationships
Mature femininity does not express itself in the same way regardless of relationship. Mature femininity
welcomes strength and leadership in different ways. However, in all circumstances mature masculinity
is affirmed, received, and strengthened in some form
Complimentarity
This is the way God meant it to be before there was any sin in the world: sinless man, full of love, in his
tender, strong leadership in relation to woman, and sinless woman, full of love, in her joyful, responsive
support for man’s leadership. Two intelligent, humble, God‐entranced beings living out, in beautiful
harmony, their unique and different responsibilities.
Sin has distorted the purpose on every level.
Examples of masculine / feminine complimentarity can be seen in marriage, the church
“If I were to put my finger on one devastating sin today, it would not be the so‐called women’s
movement, but the lack of spiritual leadership by men at home and in the church. Satan has achieved
an amazing tactical victory by disseminating the notion that the summons for male leadership is born of
pride and fallenness, when in fact pride is precisely what prevents spiritual leadership. The spiritual
aimlessness and weakness and lethargy and loss of nerve among men is the major issue, not the upsurge
of interest in women’s ministries.
Pride and self‐pity and fear and laziness and confusion are luring many men into self‐protecting, self‐
exalting cocoons of silence. And to the degree that this makes room for women to take more leadership
it is sometimes even endorsed as a virtue.