1. THE SECRET OF 5/25
ALEXANDRA WITEK

2. A peaceful response to crises
In an easy to follow format, I will show how to respond
to situations when we are inclined to loose control -
situations when we find ourselves in crises
Crises situations generate conflict
Conflict is due to a natural response to stress - known
as a “fight or flight” response

3. Truth about conflict
Conflict is part of being human.
It’s natural and it happens when people have differing
points of view or differing sets of needs.
The problem is not stress, crises, or conflict, but how you deal
with it.

4. What is happening here?
What makes it work?

5. RelationshipS?
Relationships are subjective: there is a mental
image of who you are and of who the other
person is...
Who you think you are is relating to who you
think the other person is and vice versa.

6. RelationshipS?
Conceptual image your mind has made of
itself is relating to its own creation (a
conceptual image it has made of the other
person).
The other person’s mind has done the
same (we are working with mind-made
identities that are ultimately fictions).
Conflict is inevitable...

7. But...
When it comes to a crises, you always have a choice
about how you are going to handle it.
Teamwork

8. a few sentiments why
conflicts escalate:
I want to be “right” and show that the other person is
“wrong”
I am afraid of looking stupid
I don’t want to look weak
I feel too angry to deal calmly with the situation
I don’t know how to change
I feel like people will take advantage of me if I
compromise

9. Personal interests tend to
intersect with the world

10. 5/25
I know this first-hand
because helping
people learn how to
manage crises
peacefully has
become my life’s
work.

11. 5/25
• What you choose
to do determines
how the situation
will turn out.

12. By practicing a new skill or
technique

13. FOR A TOTAL OF 5
minutes a day

14. for 25 days

15. A new activity becomes a
life changing habit

16. 5/25
Use win-win guidelines
Agree to a set of basic
rules
Are you ready to be a
problem solver?

17. IS THERE CONFUSION?
Confusion means: “I don’t know, but I should
know.”
Let go of the belief that you should know or
need to know.
Cease to keep looking for conceptual
definitions.

18. NEED DEFINITIONS?
Give up defining yourself to yourself and
others.
In essence you are neither superior nor inferior
to anyone.
Self-esteem and humility are one and the same.

19. Backing out?

20. RELAX and
Let’s begin...

21. Happiness versus unhappiness
about the situation
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the
situation but your thoughts about it.
Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.
Separate them from the situation, which is
always neutral.

22. HAPPINESS?
So, there is the situation or the fact, and there
are your thoughts and emotions about it.
See the link between your thoughts and your
emotions. Be the entity watching; be the
awareness behind.
What you think creates the emotions you feel.

23. Win-Win Guidelines
Cool off
Pay attention
Acknowledge and take
responsibility
Brainstorm solutions
Affirm, forgive, thank

24. Rules for Win-Win
Guidelines
Tell the truth and be
respectful
Attack the problem,
not the person
Use only positive steps:
no name calling,
blaming, or like face or
body language
Work together

25. Elements of Good Attention
WITHHOLD
FOCUS
JUDGMENT
BECOME
CARE
IMPARTIAL

26. Focus
• Focus and notice
• the emotion,
• the content the speaker is conveying,
• the interpersonal reactions,
• the context.
• You are not thinking about how to respond.

27. Become Impartial
• Your face and posture should show that you are
listening
• Look at all the parties to see how everyone is reacting
• Keep participants from feeling that you are biased or
gullible
• By the way, nods and murmurs do not make you appear
to be agreeing with the speaker

28. Withhold Judgment
• While you are listening put aside thoughts of:
• what the other person should do
• of who is right
• what you would have done in that situation

29. Care
• Be aware of the speaker as a person
• Acknowledge the pain they have experienced as a result
of the conflict
• Be interested in their concerns

30. Acknowledge
It tells a person that you have
understood them.
Be respective and attentive and
Remain Impartial.

31. Emotionally difficult
situations
• Extreme Anger
• Anguish, Crying
• The Silence
• Bad Faith

32. Anger
• Consider:
• Are they letting out a flood of pent-up, genuine
emotion? Allow time to cool off.
• Is there something important this person desperately
wants everyone to understand? Repeat it back.
• Is the person attacking the other party? Interrupt. No
attacks no matter how hot are the feelings.
• Is the person deliberately trying to disrupt? Commit
to working together.

33. Anguish, Crying
• Take it in stride. Emotions are not rational.
• Pass the tissue box. Acknowledge. Take a Break.
• Appeal to their strong side.

34. The Silent One
• Acknowledge that it is difficult to talk when feeling
upset.
• Make space for them to speak. Wait. Wait.

35. Bad Faith
• Meet separately
• Address the problem at the table
• Discontinue the mediation

36. VIOLENCE
• Self-protection is at
the core of violence.
• Violence is the
primitive way in which
a person who is unable
to withstand the
difference of opinion
defends himself for
the sake of survival.

37. VIOLENCE
When parties feel misunderstood they initiate
conflict to protect themselves and their
interests.

38. Brainstorm Solutions
When everyone is exhausted by
war we begin a search for
alternatives to the use of force.

39. Develop a commitment to settlement
and cease to cherish opinions

40. DIALOGUE
A dialogue between parties is maintained by the
staying power in a difficult situation,
A willingness to commit diplomatic, technical,
and financial resources,
And it encourages the parties to exercise
moderation and restraint.

41. Who to involve?
Find out what the parties interests are and
represent them.
In order to achieve balance everyone’s interests
have to be accounted for.

42. Including yourself with the whole
creates a natural flow of energy

43. REMEMBER
Regardless of the situation, your interpretation of
the situation, and your reaction to it is what
matters.
Things are as they are. Your response depends on
how you define them.
Your inner stance and your emotional response
arising out of that stance either block or create the
pathway for crises management.

44. Affirm, Forgive, Thank