Talking About End of Life Issues Before a Crisis. Presentation at Assoc of Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) 2012 Conference by Susan A. Lieberman, Ph.D.

1. Susan Abel Lieberman, Ph.D.
Partner in the Y Collaborative
www.ycollaborative.com

3. Before a crisis Loss and grief

6. “Hanging on the edge of a precipice,
engulfed in terror is not the time or place
to learn about emergency rock climbing
procedures; you have to learn
them before you start the expedition.”
~Virginia Morris in TALKING ABOUT DEATH

7. “Laying down synaptic pathways early shapes our thinking and helps us
when we face circumstances that draw on those pathways. It would turn
out that short-term memory involves transient changes of the connections
between the cells. There is no anatomical change. Long-term memory
involves enduring changes that result from the
growth of new synaptic connections.”

8. • Paperwork of Dying
• Medical Issues Related to Dying
• Emotions/Desires/Wishes
• Spiritual Issues
• How to Talk with Doctors

9. • Will
• Advance Directive
•Health Care Proxy
• Fioancial Proxy
• Funeral Inclinations
• And, perhaps, a supplemental letter

10. “Everybody becomes enormously selfish.
They don’t know they are selfish. They
are all thinking they’re doing what’s best
for the dying person. But what each
member of a family does and what the
doctor does is always try to figure out
what seems the best from his own
point of view.”
~ Sherwin Nuland, How We Die

11. Five Ways to Start a Conversation
1. Using your paperwork
2. Asking for conversation as a gift
3. Telling a story about friends or acquaintances
4. Using family legacy as a jumpstart
5. Five Wishes

13. • We remember the old saying:
Si vis pacem, para bellum.
If you desire peace, prepare for war.
• It would timely thus to paraphrase it:
Si vis vitam, para mortem.
If you would endure life, be prepared for death.

14. • If you deceive to your doctor, may your doctor then
deceive you?
• Be clear in the conversation about what worries you.
• Remember, no good doc will object to a second
opinion. If your doctor objects to questions, consider a
new doctor if possible.
• You can direct the tenor of your conversations by
speaking authentically but always politely.

15. Spiritual intelligence is acting with our
highest level of intellect and our highest
level of compassion while maintaining
inner and outer equanimity regardless
of circumstances.
~
Cindy Wigglesworth, Deep Change

16. www.ycollaborative.com