Shaper Training Beijing by Helena Javitte

1. How to listen better
By Helena Javitte

2. Quick Intro
• Sentimental
I came to China for the first time in 2005, fell in love
• Connector
I enjoy putting people together and see what comes out of it
• Relatable
I think we suffer from the gap between what see from people and who
they really are. It would be much more fun if we could get rid of these
walls we set around ourselves to protect us and just enjoy and be
comfortable with who we are

3. Quick Group Intro
Take 60 seconds to introduce yourself…
• What’s your name?
• What do you hope to get out of today?

4. Today’s
Goals
• Learn how to ask open questions
• Understanding all the positive outcomes that happen when you offer the
possibility for others to be vulnerable
• Learning how to show that you care and the benefits of it

5. What happens when you don’t listen?
1) People don’t open up, they hide what they are experiencing
2) You don’t make people feel comfortable
3) prevents the relationship to be efficient:
Professional relationships :
when your team members are not saying that they don’t know how to
do their work
Personal relationships:
when you partner doesn’t share their frustration

6. Why is hard to listen well?
• A skill that people tend to forget.
• Communication often understood as talking, sharing, communicating an idea.
• Communication is A talks, B understands. For B to understand, B has to listen.

7. Problem
• We focus on ourselves, to prove our point, to show who we are.
• We hear what we want to hear.
• We are judgmental and biased by our emotions and preconceptions
• Some think that they are already good communicators which is often defined for them as
someone who can get their point understood. Rarely is it about “do I understand what this
person is telling me?”
• We don’t ask the right questions back: what is useful for the other person’s growth? Open
questions. Not comments.

8. Personal
examples
• I personally tend to be very emotional and to take everything personally. I would
interpret
• When my partner would tell me they feel hurt, I would answer that there is no
reason for them to feel hurt because I didn’t mean it. Instead of just hearing their
pain.

9. Why improving listening skills is good?
• 1reason: You feel good
• When people feel listened, they feel more valued, they can be more like
themselves, they can be more honest about their fears, how they feel
 TRUST

10. What did I learn by working on my listening skills?
• Having a more efficient team
• Improve relationship with loved ones: let them talk without trying to fix things or
find solutions when they mostly need to get it off their chest
• Taught me not to take comments or remarks personally and get emotional. Be
more empathic

11. Secret Sauce
• There are always time when we could have listened better
• Ask the right questions: open questions, no judgment, no comment. It’s about
them, not you
• Listening is about caring. It’s not about what you think, what you want to say, it
is about how they feel. Listening is offering a space for the other to be
vulnerable

12. If I want to be a better listener, how about asking myself
this:
1) How much do I care? Do I wanna care?
2) Reminding myself, this is not about me, this is about the other person
3) What does this person want? Being listened? Advice? What do I want at the end of this
conversation? Things to be done? Making this person feel better?
4) What questions would help them better clarify their thoughts?
5) This is what I hear. Let me rephrase

13. Let’s practice
 Why was it unpleasant?
 What could have been done better?
 What have you learnt from this experience
The “listener” should listen, practice asking a few open questions that should help the sharer grow,
putting the principles into practice. After 10 min, switch roles.
With a partner, spend 10 minutes sharing about last time you didn’t feel listened or you think you didn’t
listen well enough. Some questions to consider as you share:

14. Discussion
Which of these principles do you find most challenging?
Was anything different about how you would usually listen to a friend or acquaintance?
Anything you would add from your experience?

15. Q&A

16. Thank You!