My session in the culture track of TriAgile 2020.

1. @jjschreuder • jason@inspirediterations.com • www.iterationsofjason.com
Reframing Conflict
The Heads, Hearts, and Hands of
Productive Disagreement

2. Agile Coach
Jason Schreuder
▷ 10+ years of Agile, coaching, training and leading agile teams in the
military and financial technology industries
▷ experience leading an Agile PMO and an Agile adoption in a global
technology company developing manufactured devices, currently
working on non-software applications for Agile in a large, private
financial technology firm
▷ Graduate degrees in business and higher education, alphabet soup of
certifications
▷ from Apex, North Carolina Helping people, teams, and
organizations pursue the ability to
engage and affect their environment
so that they can adapt to a complex
and ever changing world.

3. This is dedicated to my beautiful
wife, Shaina, and all the productive
disagreements we have together.

4. What comes to mind?
Go to menti.com and enter the code:
69 71 83

5. Key Concepts
▷ Anxiety sparks disagreement
▷ There are three realms of disagreement (head, heart,
hands)
▷ Cognitive biases help us solve four conundrums
▷ Productive disagreement is a skill that can be learned
▷ Awareness of all of this will open your mind to a broader
set of possibilities.

6. Systems Leader Views
▷ Take the right view
▷ Be a conflict facilitator
▷ Creating the container
▷ Emotional bank account and positivity
▷ Conflict protocols
▷ Deep democracy
▷ Move from positions to interests (Getting to Yes)
From Lyssa Adkins, Michael Spayd & ORSC

7. 4 Principles of Negotiation (1981)
1. Separate people from the problem
2. Focus on interests not positions.
3. Generate options for mutual gain.
4. Base choice on mutual measurable,
objective criteria.

9. “Great relationships rely on passionate
disagreement
- Patrick Lencioni

10. How We Argue Matters

11. Four Conundrums:
1. Too Much Information
2. Not Enough Meaning
3. Need to Act Fast
4. What Should we Remember?

12. Develop Honest Bias
Four Conundrums:
1. Too Much Information
2. Not Enough Meaning
3. Need to Act Fast
4. What Should we Remember?
Our Reality:
1. We don’t see everything
2. We conjure illusions
3. Quick decisions can be flawed
4. Our memory reinforces errors.

13. Be Aware of Your Anxiety
Menti.com, same routine.

14. True? Meaningful? Useful?

15. A New Approach
1. Which realm am I in?
2. Which realm are you in?
3. What are we each anxious about?
4. Which perspective should we explore first?

16. The Gift of Disagreement
1. Arguments are not Bad
2. Arguments are not about
changing minds
3. Arguments Don’t End

17. “The great promise of the Internet was that more information
would automatically yield better decisions. The great
disappointment is that more information actually yields more
possibilities to confirm what you already believed anyway.
– Brian Eno, Artist, Composer, Producer

18. You don’t have to
change your mind
or anyone else’s.

20. Speak For Yourself

21. Let’s Discuss!
Think about all you just heard about conflict.
We have explored cognitive biases (the way your brain
works) and a new approach to productive
disagreement (head, heart, and hands).
How do these show up in your life? At home or with your
teams at work?

22. What formative events in your life brought you to this belief?
What’s really at stake here?
What’s complicated about your position here that people don’t
usually understand right away?
If what you believe was proven conclusively true to its strongest
opponents what would happen?
What would have to be true for you to change your mind about this?
What other possibilities are we missing that might change how we
each thought about this?
Imagine a world where this is no longer a problem how did we get
there?
Ask (Coaching) Questions
that Invite Surprising Answers

23. “Listening is more than being quiet while the other person speaks until you
can say what you have to say. Generous listening is powered by curiosity,
a virtue we can invite and nurture in ourselves to render it instinctive. It
involves a kind of vulnerability— a willingness to be surprised, to let go of
assumptions and take in ambiguity. The listener wants to understand the
humanity behind the words of the other, and patiently summons one’s
own best self and one’s own best words and questions.
– Krista Tippit, Becoming Wise (2016), On Being Project

24. 1) Head: What are the facts? Who should
represent? How will we discuss (accept
possibilities into the room)
2) Heart: So what do these ideas mean to us?
3) Hands: How can we take this conversation
and make it productive?
Build Arguments Together

25. Top Tips
Develop Honest Bias
Be aware of your anxiety
Speak for yourself
Ask (coaching) questions that invite
surprising answers
Build arguments together

27. “Raising children who are hopeful and who have the courage to be
vulnerable means stepping back and letting them experience
disappointment, deal with conflict, learn how to assert themselves,
and have the opportunity to fail. If we're always following our
children into the arena, hushing the critics, and assuring their
victory, they'll never learn that they have the ability to dare greatly
on their own.
- Brene Brown

28. Thanks!
Any questions?
Any feedback?
Jason Schreuder
jason@inspirediterations.com