1. You are what you eat
Russell Grenning
For the firsttime ina longtime,the otherday I wentto a veryposheaterywhichrequiredthatI
climbintoa suitand tie – despite aswelteringlyhotandhumiddayinBrisbane – andI made an
amazingdiscovery.
For some of youit ispossiblynotthatamazingbut,havingbeenretiredfromthe drudgeryof the
dailygrindfora couple of yearsandfreedfromthe suit-and-tieuniform, Idiscoveredthatmysuit
had shrunkand,of course,Iblamedthe drycleaners.Ialsohadsome difficultybuttoningupthe top
shirtbuttonbut I artfullyconcealedthatbehindthe knotof mytie while Icursedour latestsoap
powderwhich,like the drycleaning,hadcausedfabricshrinkage.
We geta lot of sillyadvice aroundthistime of yearaboutwhat we shouldandshouldn’teat.Fatuous
rubbishlike, “You arewhatyou eat”which,presumably,means thattrim, tautandterrificcannibals
onlyeatskinnypeople.
I am, and alwayswill be,of the school whichbelievesfirmlythatfoodisan importantpartof any
diet.Infact – andI have seendeplorablysadevidenceof thisinothers – the firstthingyoulose on a
dietisyour sense of humour.Dittothose whoare givingupsmoking. There isnogreaterfanaticthan
a convert.
Undeniably,mybodyisa temple –alwayswasand alwayswill be exceptthatwhichbeganasa little
church is becominga vastcathedral. But, as I cheerilyandevencheerfullytell everybody,itjust
meansthat there ismore of me to love.Andthatmustbe good,right?
The legendaryMae West, whocelebratedhervoluptuousnessuntilthe dayshe died,hadthe right
attitude. “Ineverworry aboutdiets,” she said,“The only carrotsthatinterest me are the numberyou
get in a diamond.” Verypossibly,MissPiggywasinspiredbyMsWest whenshe said,“Nevereat
morethan you can lift.”
There isno shortage of dietsaroundand all of themmore or lessrelyoninducingafeelingof self-
loathing. The same goesforthose absurdexercise programmesandeverybodyshouldknow that,
for example,the authorof the 1977 runawaybestseller, “TheCompleteBookof Running” JamesFixx
diedaged52 while joggingwhileMichel Montignac,the authorof “Eat Yourself Slim” wasdeadat
65. NathanPritikin,the so-called“Grandfatherof modern diets”,wasdeadat 69. He wasalsoa
“longevityresearcher”and committedsuicide.Iwouldhave thoughtthatRule Iof How To Live A
Long Life isdon’tcommitsuicide.
One dietwhichparticularlyappealstome isthe one followedbyWilliamthe Conquerorwho,
worriedabouthisincreasingobesity,tooktohisbedandconsumednothingbutalcohol.I’msure it
worksif you don’tcare whatyou lookor feel likeandithasthe addedbonusof loosingnotjust
weightbutwhole daysandevenweeksonce youreallygetintothe swingof it.
But the ultimate dietisthe cardiologist’sdiet –if it tastesgood,spitit out.

2. Vegetariansandvegansare a particularlyloathsome lotinmyconsideredopinion.Theirholier-than-
thouattitude reallygetsupmynostrilswhentheypreach fromthe allegedhighmoral ground about
not killinganimalsforfood.
I once had a spiritedchinwagwithaveganladywholecturedme onthe sheerimmoralityof killing
any of God’s creatures andshe onlypausedonce inher diatribe toslapdeada mosquitowhich
landedonherarm. I don’tthinkshe understoodwhyIwalkedawaylaughing.
Try remindingthislotthatone of the mostfamousvegetarians –andhe wasalso a teetotallerand
rabidnon-smoker–was Adolf Hitler.Itseemsthe more committedhe became tothislifestyle,the
more insanelyunbalancedhe became.Ieatmeat,Idrinkand I smoke andnot once have I felteven
the slightestdesiretoinvade Poland.Hastomeansomething,doesn’tit?
Before yougetstampededintoadiet,reflectonwhatisthe purpose.The AmericancomedianErma
Bombeckonce so rightlyobserved, “Justthinkaboutallof thosewomen on the Titanic who said,‘No
thanks”to dessertthat night,And forwhat?”
Happy New(non-dieting)Year!