Unmute Your Team (Walker & Dunlop)

Walker & Dunlop
November 2021
Terri Trespicio

It’s one thing to speak up.
Copyright © 2020 Terri Trespicio All rights reserved.
territrespicio.com/getit
It’s another to be heard.

What does it mean to
Speak up?

Sharing your insights
Being seen and acknowledged
Taking initiative
Taking a risk
It means…

We assume we’re not as
qualified, or important
enough.
Why don’t we speak up?

We worry about messing up or
sounding stupid.

We don’t want to share a  
half-baked idea.

We assume someone else
knows more or better.

We don’t want to draw
criticism.

We assume someone else will.

Why is speaking up even
harder online?
• Tougher to read the room
• Harder to break into conversation
• Tech glitches and delays (missed cues, etc)
• We take up less “room”

territrespicio.com/getit Copyright © 2020 Terri Trespicio All rights reserved.
listen
There are two ways to feel heard:
Practice speaking up & 
learn how to

2019 Women in the
Workplace Report
McKinsey and LeanIn.org
surveyed 329 companies and
more than 68,000
employees.

Half the women surveyed have been interrupted or
talked over in meetings.  
Around 40 percent watched other people take credit for
their ideas.
2019 Women in the
Workplace Report

Men tend to be rewarded for standing
out, showing status.  
Women tend to be rewarded for
playing down their achievements and
being inclusive.
Fact!

Female executives, vastly outnumbered…
report feeling alone, unsupported,
outside their comfort zones, and unable
to advocate forcefully for their
perspectives in many high-level meetings.
Kathryn Heath, Jill Flynn and Mary Davis Holt,
“Women Find Your Voice,” Harvard Business Review
“

Kathryn Heath, Jill Flynn and Mary Davis Holt,
“Women Find Your Voice,” Harvard Business Review
More than a third [of men] indicated that
when their female peers do speak up, they
fail to articulate a strong point of view.  
Half said that women allow themselves to be
interrupted, apologize repeatedly, and fail to
back up opinions with evidence.
“

Are things getting better?
Yes.
However.

Metrics are like climbing
anchors.

Just because they’re
there doesn’t mean  
you “feel” secure.

Assume that this is a problem
only women have. (It’s not.)
What we’re NOT going to do

Fight about any of it. Not today.
What we’re NOT going to do

Explore tactics & strategies for being heard
(and helping others be heard, too)
What we’re going to do

Reframe some of the language we use
around communication and speaking 

Build, share, and support
(not criticize, demonize, or judge)

I used to work at
this magazine.

Which was
purchased by
this woman.

I hosted a live radio show for years.

Today I’m a writer, speaker,
and brand advisor.

“Stop searching for your
passion” 7M+ views

Comes out December 21st!
unfollowyourpassion.com

This is probably
the scariest thing
I’ve done.

Speaking up can sometimes
feel like a zero-sum game.

“Unsure”
“Weak” “Insecure”
“Not confident”
“Forgettable”
Say nothing and people may think…

“Assertive”
“Aggressive”
“Demanding”
“Bitchy”
“Bossy”
“Talkative”
“Outspoken”
Say something and you’re…

Those who are comfortable speaking up in
groups, who need little or no silence before
raising their hands, or who speak out easily
without waiting to be recognized are far
more likely to get heard at meetings.
Deborah Tannen
Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown
“

What’s at stake?

What’s at stake?
•I may come off as aggressive
•I may not be likable
•I might lose face
•I might incur criticism or judgment

What’s really at stake?
•You may be overlooked and underestimated
•You hold back ideas and insights that are
useful to your team
•You keep yourself from engaging in
meaningful ways
•You may never realize your own potential
•The room has fewer voices in it

Reputation vs.
representation

We’ve been taught that if we’re nice,
good things will happen.
But that’s not how great
things happen.

You don’t have to change who
you are to be worth listening to.
But you can change tactics.

What makes for the
most effective team?
Google did a study
to find out…

They assumed that an ideal mix
of skills and traits was the
answer.
They were wrong.

The Five Keys to a Successful Google Team, Julia
Rozovsky, Google People Operations | November 17, 2015
Who is on a team matters less
than how the team members
interact, structure their work,
and view their contributions.
“

Feeling secure enough to contribute
was the most common feature, by
far, of high-performing teams.  
“ Why Is It So Hard to Speak Up at Work? By Ruchika
Tulshyan, New York Times, March 15, 2021

Suggesting half-formed ideas
Taking risks
Proposing solutions
Keys to innovation
Why Is It So Hard to Speak Up at Work? By Ruchika
Tulshyan, New York Times, March 15, 2021

can hinder collaboration
and innovation
Focusing only on flaws

How often do you tell
people what they’re doing
right?

People don’t need feedback.
They need attention to what
they do best.
Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall, “The Feedback
Fallacy,” Harvard Business Review (April 2019)
“

Shares insights
Feels seen/recognized
Takes initiative
Takes risks
This affects whether you/your team

Your insight and ideas matter.
Fact:

“How do I contribute without
interrupting?”
Q.

It’s an irregular, ongoing, living thing.
Conversations disrupt themselves!
A conversation is not a monolith.

Men have been doing it for ages.
They just don’t call it interrupting;
they call it…talking.

Seeing yourself as
“interrupting” assumes
you’re not part of the
conversation.

“Interrupt”

“Interrupt”
to stop or break the
continuity of

Pop in with praise
“Chris, I love what you just said
—I’d like to add a thought
while we’re on the topic…”

Pass the mic
Invite someone else to share
their thoughts and ideas. 
(Prepare them ahead of time!)

Pass the mic
“While we’re on this topic, I want to
give Jen a chance to weigh in on this.
Jen?”

Get it!
Want the reading & free resource list?

•They think they know what you’re going to say
•They think they can save time
•They’re trying to “help”
•They don’t want to be questioned
•They don’t want to lose the floor
Why do people interrupt?

Hold your ground
(keep talking)
“Bob, let me wrap up this point and
then I’ll hand off to you…”

OR! Pause and pick back up
[Wait til they take a breath, or come to
the end of a sentence, then]
“One point before we move on from
this…”

How can I come across as
assertive, not aggressive?
Q.
Let’s look at those words
more closely.

Aggressive: Ready to attack

Assertive: Confident & direct

Participation does not
equal aggression.

Reflect back & add on
Let the speaker know they’ve
been heard.
“Joe, I hear you saying that…. I’ll
add this…”

Call out what’s working
This isn’t just a great way to
contribute; it builds team morale.

Use questions purposefully,
not reflexively

How and when questions are
asked can send unintended
signals about competence
and power.
Deborah Tannen
prof of linguistics at Georgetown
“

When we use questions
reflexively, it can come
off as …unsure
…unaware
…unprepared
…unwilling to stake a claim
…fearful

We use questions
purposefully to
•Redirect, or prevent redirection
•Hit pause
•Pivot
•Raise critical issues
•Get clarification

Ask yourself…
•Where can you adjust the phrasing of a Q or
make a statement instead? 
 
i.e., Instead of “I’m not clear,” try: “It doesn’t
seem clear…”

Getting someone else to feel something is
strategy.  
But when your own feelings get in the
way, it’s static on the line.
How emotions work for
and against us.

Channel passion.
Elicit emotion.

Tolerate some tension.
Resist the urge to cave on the spot or fill
the space.
Use silence to your advantage.

Do not disclaim.
It does not endear you. It’s not
effective. It looks bad on everyone.

Do not disclaim.
“I just”
“I think”
“I don’t know if”
“I’m not sure if anyone agrees with me”
“Maybe I’m alone here on this”
“This is just my opinion, but”
“I’m sorry”

I’m afraid of saying something
in case I’m not 100% correct.
Q. You don’t have to be infallible to say
something worthwhile.
Calculators are 100% correct. Leaders have
insights, hunches, ideas. They take risks.

Make your case
Don’t shy away from a strong opinion.

Listen like a leader.
You don’t have to talk all the time to
have an impact.  
The more closely you listen, the
more you’ll have to say.

…Executives often trap themselves in
information bubbles, a result of their
overconfidence and outdated ideas about
leadership…They believe…they’re a step
ahead of everyone else.
“
Adam Bryant, Merryck & Col, Kevin Sharer, former CEO, Amgen
“Are You Really Listening?” (Harvard Business Review March/April 2021)
Listening involves far more
effort than most leaders realize.

Mindset shift
What if…
Speaking up weren’t about being
a star, but being of service?

Mindset shift
What if…
Discussions were how we discovered
ideas, rather than where we judged them?

Mindset shift
What if…
Your job was to provide raw
material, instead of p0lished ideas?

Mindset shift
What if…
Your job as a leader wasn’t to
fix but to recognize?

Think of your next virtual meeting as
a puzzle that everyone is there to solve.
Each team member holds unique
pieces to that puzzle, based on their
different expertise and experience.
“
How to Overcome Your Fear of Speaking Up in Meetings,
Harvard Business Review by Tijs Besieux, Amy C.
Edmondson, and Femke de Vries, June 11, 2021

This is not a
zero-sum game.
You can go beyond being heard, to having impact—
and help others do the same.

It’s possible to take your turn
on purpose…It’s possible to
change your approach and to
choose to take your turn.
Seth Godin, What to Do When It’s Your Turn
territrespicio.com/5ways Copyright © 2020 Terri Trespicio All rights reserved.
“

It’s your turn.

You can’t put into practice
what you don’t practice.

Quiet the critic.
Amplify your voice.

I’ve used this particular workshop approach
for…
at L’Oreal, Google, Wells Fargo, and more
entrepreneurs
writers financial advisors
admin staff
Plus, top executives and teams
Creatives
consultants
authors
therapists
Speakers

Grab
something
to write
with.

The page can be a safe place to
explore your own voice.

Our relationship to the page began
a long time ago.

This is where
we were
conditioned to
distrust
ourselves (and
each other).

You need to know what it
feels like to do it well.
It’s not enough to know what you “should” do.

We do it by listening to what works.

you’ll start to see it
in your own.
Train yourself to look for genius in
others’ work, and

The Rules of Engagement

The Rules of Engagement
• We focus on what works
• We stay on the page
• No disclaiming
• No criticizing, questions, suggestions
• We refer to the “speaker,” “narrator,”
not by name

How to write
to a prompt.

Ready?

Your prompt
A time you spoke up.

How to comment
• Choose one thing you loved: a word, a phrase
• Listen for where you feel a shift in energy
• Reflect back what you heard
• Stay on the page with the writer

Unmute Your Team (Walker & Dunlop)

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