Residential Life and Conflict Management: A Conflict Resolution Workshop designed for COMM 115P: Comm and Conflict.

1. Residential Life &
Conflict Management

2. Agenda
 What is conflict?
 How does conflict arise?
 What are the key types of conflict in Residential Life?
 Interpersonal, Small Group, Organizational
 How do we manage conflict?
 As an individual
 As a resident
 As a member of Residential Life Staff
 Dispute Resolution

3. CONFLICT
Scary
Nervous
Dreadful
Unnecessary
Upsetting
Unpleasant
Stressful
Unhealthy
Inevitable
Healthy
Helpful
Necessary
Pleasant
Constructive
Hopeful

4. What is conflict?
Conflict is the dynamic process
that occurs when people perceive
that they have incompatible goals
or that someone is interfering in
their ability to achieve their
objectives.

5. How does conflict arise?
 Conflict starts with perception.
 What this means is that it only requires one party to believe
that there is a conflict for that conflict to exist.
 Conflict generally revolves around goals or behaviors
 Example of behavioral conflict
 Example of goal-oriented conflict
 Conflict is a dynamic process
 How did the conflict start?
 “Well, it all started when…”
 In reality, conflicts aren’t determined by specific events; conflicts stem
from the communication choices that we make.

6. Common Types of
Conflicts in Residential Life
 Interpersonal
 Conflicts that occur person-to-person, two or more parties involved
• Roommate vs roommate; suitemate vs suitemate vs suitemate;
neighbor vs neighbor; coworker vs coworker
 Small group
 Conflicts that occur between a small group of people
• A group of residents from the first floor arguing with students
from the second floor; a group of suitemates arguing with one
another
 Organizational
 Conflicts that occur with individuals or groups in an organization
• Residential Advisors vs Residential Life Coordinator; resident
advisors on first floor vs resident advisors on second floor;
supervisor vs residential advisors

7. How do we manage conflict?
1. Maintain a positive view of conflict
Conflict should be viewed as an opportunity to
resolve problems and improve relationships
1. Be civil
Maintain an attitude of respect toward others that is
shown in our behavior toward them, regardless on
how we feel about them in particular

8. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
1. Identify what it is that you are conflicted about
Frame the sentence using “I” statements.
Instead of “You always keep the lights on late at night,” use
statements such as “I don’t like when the lights are kept on
late at night.”
Do not assign blame.

9. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
2. Ask for a conversation/dialogue
Dialogues could be immediate or could be planned
ahead of time
“Hey can we talk right now?” OR “Are you free anytime
soon? I need to talk to you.”
TIP: If either party is known to be defensive or aggressive,
then immediate confrontation/dialogue is not always the
best choice.
 Plan a meeting at a later time, whether it’s in a few hours or a couple
of days.
 Nonetheless, do not hold off on the meeting.

10. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
3. State the purpose and your expectations
Tell them why you’re all here.
“I’m here so that we can talk about something that I
think is an issue.”
Acknowledge everyone by affirming that you will tell
your perspective and will listen to everyone else’s
perspective
“I want to hear what you all have to say about this.”
“I want us to all share and listen to each other’s
opinions.”

11. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
4. Address the conflict
Be honest
Use “I” statements
“I feel irritated and frustrated that I always end up washing
your dishes because they overcrowd the sink” [Chris]
“I do not like it when you answer your phone after the lights
are already off and continue to talk inside the room.” [Lucy]
“I feel disrespected when you use my paper towels that are
in the kitchen without asking.” [Sally]
Do not leave any necessary details out

12. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
5. Listen
After you’ve had your say, ask the other parties to
share their thoughts and feelings
Make sure everyone talks. Don’t leave any stone unturned.
If you see someone not talking, gently prompt them by
saying “What do you think, Sally?”
While a person is talking, you should be listening to
them. Do not spend your time thinking about what
you are going to say next.
DO NOT LISTEN TO RESPOND: LISTEN TO
LISTEN

13. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
6. Brainstorm resolution
Accommodation
“Smoothing over” the issue by sacrificing one’s own needs
and giving in to the other
 Lucy did not like when her roommate, Molly, continued to talk after
the lights were out.
 Molly explains that she can only talk to her sister at night because
her sister lives in a different time zone. Molly also explains that their
conversations are intimate and she feels uncomfortable going to the
common area where the rest of her suitemates could hear her.
Lucy accommodates to Molly’s need
 “I guess I could have my earphones on at night so that
my sleep is not disrupted by your conversations.

14. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
6. Brainstorm resolution
Collaboration
Ask or state what can be done to resolve or manage the
situation – be flexible and open to suggestions
 “I would appreciate if you asked whenever you want to use my paper
towels.” [Sally to Mary]
Keep an open ear to reasonable suggestions or viable
alternatives
 “I could pay you or contribute paper towels for the both of us to
share.” [Mary to Sally]

15. Managing Conflict
as an Individual
7. Time and Space
During the dialogue
If any party displays hostility or aggression at any point,
give them space
Do not escalate the situation; instead, revisit it when they
have calmed down
After the dialogue
Allow yourself as well as the other parties some time to
process what has been said
Revisit the subject in a few days if necessary
Time is often the best remedy

16. Managing Conflict
as a Resident
• Foster a safe, healthy, supportive
environment and ask for help if needed.
If you are unable to create a dialogue or the
other parties are not cooperating, get help.
Contact your Resident Advisor.
If any party displays excessive aggression or
violence, remove yourself from the situation
immediately and inform a Resident Advisor.

17. Managing Conflict As A
Residential Life Staff Member
 Remain a neutral third-party
 In the event that a resident comes to you for help with their
conflict, you have several options for dispute resolution
1. Mediation: You are the neutral third party that facilitates communication
between all involved parties so that they may create a mutually satisfying
resolution on their own
2. Arbitration: You are the neutral third party that listens to all parties
involved in the conflict and provide your own resolution for all parties to
follow
3. Conciliation: You are the neutral third party that utilizes “shuttle
diplomacy,” traveling back and forth and communicating with both parties
that are unable to meet for a dialogue for whatever reason [Neighbor-to-
neighbor conflict]

18. Managing Conflict As A
Residential Life Staff Member
 Engage the parties first separately, then together
 In times of conflict, approach all parties and talk to them one on
one.
 Listen to everyone’s side of the story. Validate their feelings and
utilize active listening tools such as affirming, reframing, and
responding.
 Then, facilitate a dialogue between all parties at once.
 Set up a time for all parties involved to talk to one another.
 This prevents any of the stronger personalities from taking control
 Encourage “I” statements
 It also allows the chance for the mediator, in this case, the staff
member, to bring up any issues that came up individually but failed
to be addressed during the dialogue

19. Recap
 Conflict is a dynamic process in which one or more people
perceive incompatible goals or behaviors that prevent them
from achieving their objective.
 Conflict should be seen as a constructive way to develop and
maintain relationships as they are healthy and inevitable
 Steps to confrontation
1. Identify your feelings
2. Plan a dialogue
3. State your purpose and expectations
4. Address the issue
5. Listen to everyone
6. Work together to create a resolution
7. Follow up if needed
 Practice civility and neutrality