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Keep it Professional
Managing Relationsfriends and relativeswhen you work with people you’re close to
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Manage Friends and Family
Members
In this session, I would like to look at how tricky it can
be to manage friends and family members, and how
you can overcome these difficulties
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Leading a Team of Equals

And find out, how to get things done when
you lead a team of equals
babuappat@gmail.com
So this session is about..
Managing Friends and Family Members
Balancing Personal Relationships at Work
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Let me begin it as a story
Elizabeth works in the family business with her older
brother, Dave

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Elizabeth and Dave
The problem is that, due to a change in the structure
of the company, Elizabeth is now Dave's boss, and he
doesn't respond well to her authority.
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For Example
Dave often turns up late, he brings up past family
conflicts, and he expects special treatment.

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Dave being her brother
Elizabeth would have disciplined - or even fired - anyone
else over these issues. But, because he's her
brother, she's reluctant to take action, even though she
knows that the rest of the team resent Dave's behavior
babuappat@gmail.com
Friends and Family Members at
work place
It can be difficult to work alongside close friends and
relatives. We'll see the challenges that can occur when
you manage friends and family members, and we'll look
at how you can deal with them more effectively
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Common Issues
A number of issues can affect your ability to
work successfully with friends and family.

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Being rational, fair
and objective
Unlike the relationships you have with other team
members, the bonds you share with these people are
intensely personal. Childhood history, past
conflicts, or current issues in your personal life can
affect your interactions at work. This can make it
difficult to be rational, fair, and objective, as can the
desire to preserve good friendships and family
relationships
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Familiarity breeds
You might be tempted to change your management
style and provide either too much guidance, or
insufficient feedback on poor performance.
Familiarity with these people can also cause you to
discount their ideas quickly, or to be more critical of
them than you would be with other team members
babuappat@gmail.com
Favouritism
blocking career
growth
On the other hand, favouritism is a risk with friends
and family: it can cause conflict and low morale in the
rest of your team, and it can harm your
reputation, especially if you hand out choice
assignments to these people. You may also find that
exceptional employees leave your team, because they
think that their career progression is blocked
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While discussing it
with outsiders

You can also alienate and annoy your team members
if you make decisions or discuss work issues with
friends or family members outside of work (whether
this is intentional or not)
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Family business

If you work in a family business, some relatives might
have been "expected" to work in the company. It can
be a challenge to motivate and manage them,
especially if they aren't passionate about the work, or
if they have different goals and values from those of
the organization
babuappat@gmail.com
Strategies for Managing
Friends and Family

Use the strategies below to keep the relationship
professional when you manage friends and family

babuappat@gmail.com
Think Carefully Before
You Hire
Before you hire friends or family members, think
carefully about why you're considering them for the
role.
Do they have the knowledge, skills, and talent to work
well in this position, or are you just doing them a
favor?
babuappat@gmail.com
Hire the Best
always
Never hire someone you know unless you feel
confident that they're the best candidate, that they
embrace the culture and values of the business, and
that they can bring valuable skills and expertise to the
team.

babuappat@gmail.com
Use standardised
recruitment tools
If you feel unsure, use recruitment tools such as
competency-based interviewing, inbox/in-tray
assessments, or test assignments to gauge how these
people will perform on the job

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No misfits
fitted in

Careful consideration at this early stage helps you
avoid conflict in the relationship later, and you can
ensure that these people are a good fit in your team

babuappat@gmail.com
Remove Yourself
technique
Unless this is a family business, it's best to remove
yourself - and any other friends and family - from the
decision-making process when you think about hiring
someone that you know well.
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The onus
That way, you will avoid accusations of nepotism, and
you won't look unprofessional if the recruitment turns
out badly. (Even in a family business, it may be best
for trusted non-family people to advise on the
decision.)
babuappat@gmail.com
Define the role
No matter how close you are to your friends and
family members, you need to treat them like any
other team member.
This means that you must define their role, and
communicate what you expect from them
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Job description and
Performance objectives
Write a job description that outlines their
responsibilities, your expectations, and their
performance objectives

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SMART
goals
Next, review the agreement with them, and identify
and agree on short- and long-term SMART goals.
Make sure that they understand these goals and
expectations, and ask whether they have any
questions or concerns.
babuappat@gmail.com
Honest
communication

This prevents ambiguity, and sets the tone for the
relationship. Clear, honest communication like this
also helps you avoid issues later on
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Set
Boundaries
Your friends and family members know you better
than anyone else at work, and they are privy to
personal information that you might not want your
team members to know. This is why it's important to
set and manage boundaries

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Open Conversation
Have an open, honest conversation about how you
want your professional relationship to be. This means
that you must set protocols for behavior and
communication
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Office
manners
For example, if you work with your friend, ask her not
to call you by your nickname. She should use your first
name, just like the rest of your team

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Official matters/
Personal matters
Both of you should agree to leave personal matters
and history at the door when you come to work. You
should also agree not to discuss work issues outside
the office - this ensures that you don't cut other team
members out of important decisions
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Keep things
professional
Of course, this is easier said than done, especially
with family members. Speak up if you feel that your
friends or family members have violated the
boundaries that you've set, and remind them to keep
things professional.
babuappat@gmail.com
After-effects
When you let small matters slide, it can cause
resentment later on

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All equal

If you experience conflict with friends and family
members, do your best to manage your emotions and
stay professional.
Try to ignore your personal relationships, and
approach them like any other team member
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Compensate
Fairly

It's important that you compensate your friends and
family members fairly. Their salary and benefits
should reflect their knowledge, skills, and
experience, not their connection with you
babuappat@gmail.com
Manage Friends
and Family
Members
When you set salary and benefits, it's a good idea to
consult a colleague or HR professional to make sure
that compensation is fair and competitive. This will
also ease tensions, and prevent any suspicions that
friends or family members are getting more than they
deserve
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Never
Overcompensate
Also, be careful not to overcompensate them with
resources such as people, equipment, technology, or
training. Make sure that your friends and family
members receive the same as everyone else, and
nothing more
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Provide Regular
Feedback
Like everyone on your team, your friends and family
members need regular, constructive feedback, so that
they understand what they're doing well, and where
they need to improve

babuappat@gmail.com
Balancing
Emotions
You might find it difficult to be objective with these
people. Do your best to keep emotions out of the
discussion, and analyze their performance and growth
as you would anyone else. Use the proper Feedback
tools to provide clear and specific feedback.
babuappat@gmail.com
Face Facts
Of course, positive feedback is always easy to give.
But how do you handle friends or family members
who aren't pulling their weight? And how do you fire
someone that you care about? These can be
uncomfortable situations, but you need to address
them promptly and professionally
babuappat@gmail.com
Dealing with nonproductive aspects
Sit down and talk to them one-on-one. Diagnose the
problems they face. Talk to them in a cordial manner
to bring out the solutions they can adjust with
naturally

babuappat@gmail.com
Reach out
Render help
Ask what you can do to help them perform better and
meet their goals. They might benefit from additional
training; and they may also flourish in a mentoring or
coaching relationship with another professional
babuappat@gmail.com
In line with
organisational
policies
Give them as much time to improve as you would to
anyone else on your team. If you don't notice any
progress, manage them appropriately in line with
your organisation's guidelines.

babuappat@gmail.com
Productive
relationships
It can be painful to let go of friends and family
members, but if the relationship isn't working
out, then you should find someone who is a better fit

babuappat@gmail.com
Be Honest With
Your Team
Everyone on your team should know if you have a
personal connection with someone who works for you

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Be clear
Be open and honest about your ties to these people.
It's likely that some team members might have
reservations about the situation and about your
ability to treat your friends or family members
objectively.

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Genuine
interest in
people
Your actions need to prove that you will treat them
just like everyone else - this will build trust and help
everyone adjust to the situation

babuappat@gmail.com
Craft a Role That
Works
If you work in a family business, you might have to
manage some family members who don't want to be
there. They might have been pressured to work in the
organisation by parents or other leaders, they might
see it as an easy option, or they might work there out
of a sense of obligation.
None of these is a positive reason to come to work
each day
babuappat@gmail.com
Manage Friends
and Family
Members
As with any employee with motivational issues, reengage them by finding out their career goals. What
do they want to achieve in life? How can you help
them build the skills and expertise they need to meet
their goals?

babuappat@gmail.com
Mentoring, Train
ing
Look at training and mentoring opportunities that will
help them progress down this path, while still using
these new skills in their current role

babuappat@gmail.com
Happy
tasks
Next, look at their tasks and responsibilities. Which
tasks make them happy? When do they achieve a
sense of flow in their work?

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Job-crafting
Where appropriate, use job-crafting strategies to
work more of these tasks into their day (but ensure
that you don't do this at the expense of other team
members)

babuappat@gmail.com
Sense of
accomplishment
Last, make sure that your friends and family members
feel a sense of accomplishment in their role. Help
them find the deeper meaning in their work, and help
them achieve small wins, so that they can recognise
the progress they make
babuappat@gmail.com
Make them
move on
However, if these strategies don't work, you'll
probably want to encourage them to move on - you
don't want unmotivated people on your team

babuappat@gmail.com
Key Points

It can be a challenge to manage friends and family
members. These people have a close, personal
relationship with you, and their presence within a
team can cause conflict, tension, and mistrust if you
don't manage the relationship with care
babuappat@gmail.com
Performance
agreement
When you manage friends or family members, treat
them as you would everyone else on your team. Write
a performance agreement that outlines their role and
your expectations clearly.
babuappat@gmail.com
Working
relationship
Set boundaries, and define how your working
relationship should be; this includes protocols for
behavior

babuappat@gmail.com
Ensure
objectivity
Also, compensate them fairly. Where
appropriate, work with a colleague to ensure
objectivity when you set their pay and benefits

babuappat@gmail.com
A Final Note
Personal history doesn't have to stand in the way of a
strong professional relationship. Likewise, a "junior"
position in a family doesn't mean that you can't be an
effective leader

babuappat@gmail.com
Candid relations
Set clear boundaries and expectations,
offer support,
and, above all,

be honest about difficulties
that are holding people back
babuappat@gmail.com
THANK YOU

www.youtube.com/TheTrainingclasses
babuappat@gmail.com

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Keep it professional, Managing friends and relatives at work place

  • 1. Keep it Professional Managing Relationsfriends and relativeswhen you work with people you’re close to babuappat@gmail.com
  • 2. Manage Friends and Family Members In this session, I would like to look at how tricky it can be to manage friends and family members, and how you can overcome these difficulties babuappat@gmail.com
  • 3. Leading a Team of Equals And find out, how to get things done when you lead a team of equals babuappat@gmail.com
  • 4. So this session is about.. Managing Friends and Family Members Balancing Personal Relationships at Work babuappat@gmail.com
  • 5. Let me begin it as a story Elizabeth works in the family business with her older brother, Dave babuappat@gmail.com
  • 6. Elizabeth and Dave The problem is that, due to a change in the structure of the company, Elizabeth is now Dave's boss, and he doesn't respond well to her authority. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 7. For Example Dave often turns up late, he brings up past family conflicts, and he expects special treatment. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 8. Dave being her brother Elizabeth would have disciplined - or even fired - anyone else over these issues. But, because he's her brother, she's reluctant to take action, even though she knows that the rest of the team resent Dave's behavior babuappat@gmail.com
  • 9. Friends and Family Members at work place It can be difficult to work alongside close friends and relatives. We'll see the challenges that can occur when you manage friends and family members, and we'll look at how you can deal with them more effectively babuappat@gmail.com
  • 10. Common Issues A number of issues can affect your ability to work successfully with friends and family. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 11. Being rational, fair and objective Unlike the relationships you have with other team members, the bonds you share with these people are intensely personal. Childhood history, past conflicts, or current issues in your personal life can affect your interactions at work. This can make it difficult to be rational, fair, and objective, as can the desire to preserve good friendships and family relationships babuappat@gmail.com
  • 12. Familiarity breeds You might be tempted to change your management style and provide either too much guidance, or insufficient feedback on poor performance. Familiarity with these people can also cause you to discount their ideas quickly, or to be more critical of them than you would be with other team members babuappat@gmail.com
  • 13. Favouritism blocking career growth On the other hand, favouritism is a risk with friends and family: it can cause conflict and low morale in the rest of your team, and it can harm your reputation, especially if you hand out choice assignments to these people. You may also find that exceptional employees leave your team, because they think that their career progression is blocked babuappat@gmail.com
  • 14. While discussing it with outsiders You can also alienate and annoy your team members if you make decisions or discuss work issues with friends or family members outside of work (whether this is intentional or not) babuappat@gmail.com
  • 15. Family business If you work in a family business, some relatives might have been "expected" to work in the company. It can be a challenge to motivate and manage them, especially if they aren't passionate about the work, or if they have different goals and values from those of the organization babuappat@gmail.com
  • 16. Strategies for Managing Friends and Family Use the strategies below to keep the relationship professional when you manage friends and family babuappat@gmail.com
  • 17. Think Carefully Before You Hire Before you hire friends or family members, think carefully about why you're considering them for the role. Do they have the knowledge, skills, and talent to work well in this position, or are you just doing them a favor? babuappat@gmail.com
  • 18. Hire the Best always Never hire someone you know unless you feel confident that they're the best candidate, that they embrace the culture and values of the business, and that they can bring valuable skills and expertise to the team. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 19. Use standardised recruitment tools If you feel unsure, use recruitment tools such as competency-based interviewing, inbox/in-tray assessments, or test assignments to gauge how these people will perform on the job babuappat@gmail.com
  • 20. No misfits fitted in Careful consideration at this early stage helps you avoid conflict in the relationship later, and you can ensure that these people are a good fit in your team babuappat@gmail.com
  • 21. Remove Yourself technique Unless this is a family business, it's best to remove yourself - and any other friends and family - from the decision-making process when you think about hiring someone that you know well. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 22. The onus That way, you will avoid accusations of nepotism, and you won't look unprofessional if the recruitment turns out badly. (Even in a family business, it may be best for trusted non-family people to advise on the decision.) babuappat@gmail.com
  • 23. Define the role No matter how close you are to your friends and family members, you need to treat them like any other team member. This means that you must define their role, and communicate what you expect from them babuappat@gmail.com
  • 24. Job description and Performance objectives Write a job description that outlines their responsibilities, your expectations, and their performance objectives babuappat@gmail.com
  • 25. SMART goals Next, review the agreement with them, and identify and agree on short- and long-term SMART goals. Make sure that they understand these goals and expectations, and ask whether they have any questions or concerns. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 26. Honest communication This prevents ambiguity, and sets the tone for the relationship. Clear, honest communication like this also helps you avoid issues later on babuappat@gmail.com
  • 27. Set Boundaries Your friends and family members know you better than anyone else at work, and they are privy to personal information that you might not want your team members to know. This is why it's important to set and manage boundaries babuappat@gmail.com
  • 28. Open Conversation Have an open, honest conversation about how you want your professional relationship to be. This means that you must set protocols for behavior and communication babuappat@gmail.com
  • 29. Office manners For example, if you work with your friend, ask her not to call you by your nickname. She should use your first name, just like the rest of your team babuappat@gmail.com
  • 30. Official matters/ Personal matters Both of you should agree to leave personal matters and history at the door when you come to work. You should also agree not to discuss work issues outside the office - this ensures that you don't cut other team members out of important decisions babuappat@gmail.com
  • 31. Keep things professional Of course, this is easier said than done, especially with family members. Speak up if you feel that your friends or family members have violated the boundaries that you've set, and remind them to keep things professional. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 32. After-effects When you let small matters slide, it can cause resentment later on babuappat@gmail.com
  • 33. All equal If you experience conflict with friends and family members, do your best to manage your emotions and stay professional. Try to ignore your personal relationships, and approach them like any other team member babuappat@gmail.com
  • 34. Compensate Fairly It's important that you compensate your friends and family members fairly. Their salary and benefits should reflect their knowledge, skills, and experience, not their connection with you babuappat@gmail.com
  • 35. Manage Friends and Family Members When you set salary and benefits, it's a good idea to consult a colleague or HR professional to make sure that compensation is fair and competitive. This will also ease tensions, and prevent any suspicions that friends or family members are getting more than they deserve babuappat@gmail.com
  • 36. Never Overcompensate Also, be careful not to overcompensate them with resources such as people, equipment, technology, or training. Make sure that your friends and family members receive the same as everyone else, and nothing more babuappat@gmail.com
  • 37. Provide Regular Feedback Like everyone on your team, your friends and family members need regular, constructive feedback, so that they understand what they're doing well, and where they need to improve babuappat@gmail.com
  • 38. Balancing Emotions You might find it difficult to be objective with these people. Do your best to keep emotions out of the discussion, and analyze their performance and growth as you would anyone else. Use the proper Feedback tools to provide clear and specific feedback. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 39. Face Facts Of course, positive feedback is always easy to give. But how do you handle friends or family members who aren't pulling their weight? And how do you fire someone that you care about? These can be uncomfortable situations, but you need to address them promptly and professionally babuappat@gmail.com
  • 40. Dealing with nonproductive aspects Sit down and talk to them one-on-one. Diagnose the problems they face. Talk to them in a cordial manner to bring out the solutions they can adjust with naturally babuappat@gmail.com
  • 41. Reach out Render help Ask what you can do to help them perform better and meet their goals. They might benefit from additional training; and they may also flourish in a mentoring or coaching relationship with another professional babuappat@gmail.com
  • 42. In line with organisational policies Give them as much time to improve as you would to anyone else on your team. If you don't notice any progress, manage them appropriately in line with your organisation's guidelines. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 43. Productive relationships It can be painful to let go of friends and family members, but if the relationship isn't working out, then you should find someone who is a better fit babuappat@gmail.com
  • 44. Be Honest With Your Team Everyone on your team should know if you have a personal connection with someone who works for you babuappat@gmail.com
  • 45. Be clear Be open and honest about your ties to these people. It's likely that some team members might have reservations about the situation and about your ability to treat your friends or family members objectively. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 46. Genuine interest in people Your actions need to prove that you will treat them just like everyone else - this will build trust and help everyone adjust to the situation babuappat@gmail.com
  • 47. Craft a Role That Works If you work in a family business, you might have to manage some family members who don't want to be there. They might have been pressured to work in the organisation by parents or other leaders, they might see it as an easy option, or they might work there out of a sense of obligation. None of these is a positive reason to come to work each day babuappat@gmail.com
  • 48. Manage Friends and Family Members As with any employee with motivational issues, reengage them by finding out their career goals. What do they want to achieve in life? How can you help them build the skills and expertise they need to meet their goals? babuappat@gmail.com
  • 49. Mentoring, Train ing Look at training and mentoring opportunities that will help them progress down this path, while still using these new skills in their current role babuappat@gmail.com
  • 50. Happy tasks Next, look at their tasks and responsibilities. Which tasks make them happy? When do they achieve a sense of flow in their work? babuappat@gmail.com
  • 51. Job-crafting Where appropriate, use job-crafting strategies to work more of these tasks into their day (but ensure that you don't do this at the expense of other team members) babuappat@gmail.com
  • 52. Sense of accomplishment Last, make sure that your friends and family members feel a sense of accomplishment in their role. Help them find the deeper meaning in their work, and help them achieve small wins, so that they can recognise the progress they make babuappat@gmail.com
  • 53. Make them move on However, if these strategies don't work, you'll probably want to encourage them to move on - you don't want unmotivated people on your team babuappat@gmail.com
  • 54. Key Points It can be a challenge to manage friends and family members. These people have a close, personal relationship with you, and their presence within a team can cause conflict, tension, and mistrust if you don't manage the relationship with care babuappat@gmail.com
  • 55. Performance agreement When you manage friends or family members, treat them as you would everyone else on your team. Write a performance agreement that outlines their role and your expectations clearly. babuappat@gmail.com
  • 56. Working relationship Set boundaries, and define how your working relationship should be; this includes protocols for behavior babuappat@gmail.com
  • 57. Ensure objectivity Also, compensate them fairly. Where appropriate, work with a colleague to ensure objectivity when you set their pay and benefits babuappat@gmail.com
  • 58. A Final Note Personal history doesn't have to stand in the way of a strong professional relationship. Likewise, a "junior" position in a family doesn't mean that you can't be an effective leader babuappat@gmail.com
  • 59. Candid relations Set clear boundaries and expectations, offer support, and, above all, be honest about difficulties that are holding people back babuappat@gmail.com