Basic principles and strategies for initiating and conducting difficult conversations, to increase trust, solve problems, and create a more positive work environment. Open an inquiry, demonstrate support, use the ladder of inference, invite them to share their perspective, and have solutions focused conversations.

1. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
April/May 2016
kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu
413-597-3542
Manager, Training and Development
Office of Human Resources
Presented by Kevin R. Thomas
Can We Talk?
Creating the Conditions for Dialog

2. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
• Initiate and conduct productive conversations about
uncomfortable topics with coworkers, to:
– Increase trust
– Solve problems
– Create a positive work environment
Objectives

3. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
• Participation
• Listening
• A Note on Confidentiality
Ground Rules

4. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
• What kinds of
conversations are difficult?
• What makes them
difficult?
You Write the Slide

5. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
The Fight/Flight Response in the Workplace
• Social needs are primary needs
• We experience a “threat response” to the prospect of risking
damage to social relationships.
• Threats trigger our brains’ flight or fight response.
• We are likely to experience a desire to avoid or delay these
conversations –OR-
“Have it out” with people in a way that is counterproductive.

6. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
• Start with safer topics and
safer people
• Learn from experience
• Develop confidence
• Work your way towards
more difficult
conversations
Practice Makes Perfect

7. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
Difficult Conversation Done Right
What strategies were
used?
How did they handle
emotions?
http://youtu.be/R_SeQQTpVeE

8. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
“Can we take a minute to talk
to something that’s a concern
to me? I think we’d both
benefit from the discussion.”
Open an Inquiry

9. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
“I don’t want to do it
needlessly either …. If you
see it differently, I’d like to
hear your view.”
Demonstrate Support

10. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
Ladders of Inference

11. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
“We’ve been over these
points before, you don’t seem
to disagree with them. That
makes me wonder if the
reason you want to forgo the
limo is to avoid having to
justify the expense to
corporate, even if it might be
a wise decision.”
Share Your Ladder of Inference

12. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
“Is that part of what’s going
on here, or am I jumping to
conclusions? … If you see it
differently I’d like to hear your
view.”
Invite them to share their perspective

13. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
• Often people rush to solutions too quickly.
• Focus on small steps that could make
things a bit better.
• Ensure both parties are generating ideas.
• Make commitments clear and concrete.
• Schedule a time to check in about
progress.
Solutions focused conversations

14. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
• Break into groups
• Read the case study
• Should the protagonist talk
to anyone?
• Who?
• How should the
protagonist start the
conversation?
Case Study Discussions
1
Lunch Room
Trouble
2
Little Help?
3
Awkward
Meetings
4
Odd
Coworker

15. Library: Can We Talk? Creating the Conditions for Dialog
Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
Links coming via email:
Contact Kevin Thomas at 413-597-3542
or email kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu
Can We Talk?
Questions?
• Course page link to all course materials
• Program evaluation link, feedback welcome
Creating the Conditions for Dialog