1a 17 18

1. EWRT 1A
CLASS 17
1. Fishing pole--broken leg--Broadway play
2. Electronic—fan—junk
3. Back-–barn--grave

2. Essay Revisions:
 Essay revisions are due before Friday, March 16th at noon.
 You may only submit one revision: essay #1 or #2.
 If you did not submit one of the first two essays before the initial essay due
date, you may submit that one essay as your revision.
 If you want to see me to discuss your revision, please make an
appointment.
 Before you come to talk to me, please read the comments and
suggestions that I wrote on your essay when I graded it. Have your
questions ready.
 There is no grade penalty or averaging or other method of determining a
revision grade. I will grade the essay like it is a new submission and
substitute your new, better grade for the lower grade you initially received.
 I do not comment on revisions.
 I do not accept late revisions.

3. Agenda
Return essay # 3
Revising problem essay #3
Sentence level errors
Essay #4
Brainstorming the solution The thesis
Outlining the plan

4. Revising Essay #3 for Essay #4
1. Your topic: Is it clear? Narrow? Have you introduced it properly? Have you shown it is important?
2. Thesis: Does it state the problem, the causes, and the consequences?
3. Causes: Have you included all necessary causes? Have you missed a clear cause? Should you
include another one? Do you need to do more research?
4. Consequences: Have you included the major consequences? Are there some obvious
consequences you have missed? Do you need to do more research?
5. Examples: Do you have enough? Are they relevant?
6. Is your conclusion compelling enough? Do you need to reiterate how serious the problem is?
7. Citations: Have you introduced your citations? Have you cited them correctly? Have you included
a works cited page?

5. Sentence
level
Writing
Errors
Let’s take a look
at your in-class
writing!

6. Many people write wordy papers because they are
trying to make their ideas sound important by using
long words and intricate sentences. They think that
their writing must be complicated to seem
professional. Although these writers are trying to
impress their readers, they often end up confusing
them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to
understand.
Your ideas are much more impressive when your
reader does not have to fight to understand you.
Wordiness: using more words than
necessary to express thought.

7. Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one.
This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine redundancy
as the following examples show:
Redundant
 The printer is located adjacent to
the computer
 The printer is located in the
immediate vicinity of the
computer
 The user can visibly see the
image moving
 He wore a shirt that was blue in
color
 The input is suitably processed
Not Redundant
 The printer is adjacent to the
computer
 The printer is near the computer
 The user can see the image
moving
 He wore a blue shirt.
 The input is processed
Examples

8. Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few
words as possible without changing the
meaning!
The available
receptacle, in any case,
was of insufficient size
to contain the total
quantity of unnecessary
waste.

9. How to reduce wordiness!
 1. Reduce Long Clauses
 When editing, try to reduce long clauses to
shorter phrases:
 Wordy: The clown who was in the center ring
was riding a tricycle.
 Revised: The clown in the center ring was riding
a tricycle.
 2. Reduce Phrases
 Likewise, try to reduce phrases to single
words:
 Wordy: The clown at the end of the line tried
to sweep up the spotlight.
 Revised: The last clown tried to sweep up the
spotlight.

10. Eliminating Wordiness: Strategies
 3. Avoid Empty Openers
 Avoid There is, There are, and There were as sentence
openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a
sentence:
 Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.
 Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.
 Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.
 Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.
 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
 Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other
modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a
sentence.
 Wordy: By the time she got home, Merdine was very
tired.
 Revised: By the time she got home, Merdine was
exhausted
 Wordy: She was also really hungry.
 Revised: She was also hungry [or famished].

11. Eliminating Wordiness
 5. Avoid Redundancies
 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that
use more words than necessary to make a
point) with precise words. Remember: needless
words are those that add nothing (or nothing
significant) to the meaning of our writing. They
bore the reader and distract from our ideas. So
cut them out!
 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our
work.
 Revised: Now we should edit our work.

12. Try these!
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his
family.
2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few
days.
3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in meeting foreign students may come to
know one.
4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.
5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.

13. Possible Answers
1. He dropped out of school to support his family.
2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during
the next few days.
3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in
many ways.
4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate
lie.
5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

14. Find a Wordy Sentence
 Check your writing for wordiness. Look for a
sentence that falls into one of the categories
we just discussed. Edit it for clarity and
conciseness.

15. Essay #4

16. Essay #4: Proposing a Solution:
This essay is due at the end of the
quarter.
In Class Writing
Assignment: Write an essay from five to seven
pages in length, that addresses the topic below.
Use a minimum of five credible sources to
support your argument.
Prompt: Write an essay proposing a solution to a
well-defined problem faced by, or in, education
today. Address your proposal to your audience:
one or more members of the education board, its
leadership, or to outsiders who may be able to
contribute to solving the problem.
Calendar
• You will get essay #3 back in
class #17. That is our next
meeting.
• We will meet at the library for
a quick review and some
research time in class #18.
• The peer revision will take
place during our finals
meeting: Week 12
• Essay #4 will be due via
Turnitin the day after the peer
review:
• M/W class: Noon March
28th
• T/Th class: Noon March
29th.

17. Refer to your prewriting (Post 20):
You should have two different paragraphs
written for two different solutions.
Look at what you have.
It usually helps to consider several possible
solutions before focusing on one solution; problem
solving requires creativity.
Let’s take one more look before we limit our
solution to the single, best one.

18. Listing Multiple Possible
Solutions to your Problem
 Answer the following questions to help you
make a list of more creative solutions you
could consider for your problem:
1. Can you adapt a solution that has already been tried
or proposed for related problems? Which? How?
2. What smaller, more manageable aspect of the larger
problem could you solve? How might you do so?
3. Could re-imagining the goal help you make
fundamental changes?
4. Could the problem be solved from the bottom up
instead of from the top down?
5. Could an ongoing process help solve the problem?

19. Exploring Potential Solutions
Now, take the answers
to those questions and
write another
paragraph addressing
a third potential
solution to your
problem.

20.  Focus on the solution
that seems the most
interesting to explore.
In a sentence or two,
describe the solution
you want to explore
further. You should
choose a solution that
you feel motivated to
pursue. This will be your
working thesis!
In order to solve the
problem of bullying
lgbtq+ students in junior
high, …..
Choosing the Most Promising Solution

21. Explain Why Your Solution
Would Solve the Problem.
Now, write for a few minutes explaining
why you think this solution could solve the
problem. For example, would it
1. eliminate one or more causes?
2. change people’s attitudes?
3. re-imagine the objective?
4. reduce anxiety and tension?

22. Show Why Your Solution Is
Possible.
 Write for a few minutes
explaining why people could
agree to put the solution into
effect. For example, what would
it cost them in time or money?

23. Explain How It Could Be Implemented.
 Write down the major stages
or steps necessary to carry out
your solution. This list of steps
will provide an early test of
whether your solution can, in
fact, be implemented.

24. How do I find
out how much
will this cost?
Who will
know how much
time will it take
to do this?
Who has tried
this solution in
the past?
Ask yourself: What do I
still need to know and
how can I find the
information?
Are there
statistics that
support this as a
good idea?

25. Library Visit
In order to do research for this
essay, we will meet in the library
lobby for our next class.
Be prepared with one or two ideas
for your essay topic, so you can
spend the time we have with the
librarian in a fruitful manner.
Please do not be late to class.

26.  Discussion #21: Post the in-class writing from slides 20-23:
This should be your thesis statement and three paragraphs:
an explanation of why your solution would work, an
explanation for why your solution is possible, a list of steps to
implement your solution.
 Make notes about what kind of information you need to
support your arguments. Bring them to our next meeting at
the library.
Homework