Cfd 250 chapter 13

Chapter 13
Parents by Adoption and
Parents by Reproductive Technology
1
CFD 250
Parenting in Contemporary
Society

Adoptive Parenting
Lecture 13.1
© 2013 by McGraw-Hill Education. This is proprietary material solely for authorized instructor use. Not authorized for sale or distribution in any manner.

Many Changes in Adoption in Last Two
Decades
 Changes in:
 Who adopts – more single, older, gay/lesbian, disabled
 Who is adopted – more children from foster care, more international adoptions
 Openness of adoption – birth parents more likely involved with their children and
adoptive parents as children grow up
3

Transracial Adoptions within the
United States
 Children growing up in transracial families appear to have few behavioral
and emotional problems
 When interviewed as adults, they describe 3 main advantages:
 Increased ability to relate to people of other races
 Becoming racially open with others
 Good educations
4

Transracial Adoptions within the United
States cont.
 When interviewed as adults, many wish parents had done more to connect
them with their ethnic group
 Wanted to be in situations where they could feel like everyone else and not stand
out
 Wanted parents to empathize with pain of discrimination even if they did not
understand it or had not felt it in their own lives
 Felt they had difficulties explaining their experiences to those of their own ethnic
group who saw them as different
 As adults, many of these people live in urban areas where they have a
diverse group of friends they share experiences with
5

International Adoptions
 As number of infants available for adoption has decreased in US, people
have turned to other countries, but these countries can be very restrictive
on who can adopt babies
 Many children coming from other countries have been in orphanages of
varying quality for varying lengths of time
6

Effects of Institutionalization Depend on:
 Quality of the early physical and medical care, nutritional level, and the
consistency and responsiveness of the caregiver
 The length of time in such care – the longer the time, the more likely effects
of it, over 6 months in other studies over 12 or 18, may have difficulties
 Age at which the child is assessed
7

Deprivation-Specific Syndrome
 Identified in some children who were in institutions that gave very low
quality care and consists of four difficulties
 Difficulties in social understanding
 Difficulties in social behavior with strong desires to connect and relate to others
 Inattention
 Cognitive difficulties
8

Syndrome Related to Problems when
Children 11 and 15 Years
 Peer problems
 Emotional problems
 Rule-breaking behaviors
 Forerunners of these problems seen at earlier years but emotional and rule-
breaking were not seen until ages 11 and 15
 Parents seem as sensitive and responsive as parents whose children do not
have Syndrome so early deprivation may have affected neural growth or
development
9

Providing Cultural Socialization for
International Adoptees
 Like children in transracial families, these children need connections to their
ethnic backgrounds
 Families are most successful when whole family joins in connecting to the
new culture, celebrating holidays, learning the language and helping
children to join groups or engage in activities that teach them about their
countries of origin
10

Helping Children Deal with Discrimination
 Many middle- and upper-status parents have not experienced
discrimination and are not well-prepared to help children with it as children
in transracial adoptions in this country described
 Parents are more likely to provide socialization when they themselves are
attached to the culture
 Mothers of adopted Asian children provided cultural socialization and began
early in the preschool years, reading stories, getting them involved in
activities of their culture
11

Helping Children Deal with Discrimination
cont.
 They continued these activities through adolescence and put special
emphasis on preparing them for possible bias in early adolescence
 Teaching children about cultural activities was related lo lower levels of
aggressive and noncompliant behaviors
 Preparing children for bias was related to higher levels of aggressive,
noncompliant behaviors
12

Talking to Children about Adoption
 General advice is to:
 Talk to children early in the preschool years when they learn they are adopted
though they do not understand exactly what that means but focus on the happy
experiences of parents having children and children having homes
 By age 6, they understand there are 2 paths to parenthood
 Between 7 and 11, they learn most children come into families through blood ties,
and they begin to wonder why they wee given up for adoption
13

Adopted Children‘s Questions
 Wonder whether their deficiencies triggered adoption
 Worry if they were given up once, could it happen again
 Wonder where the biological parents are, whether there are there other
relatives, brothers or sisters
 In adolescence, wonder about their roots
14

Children in Open Adoptions
 Children may know more about their biological parents but still wonder
whether the adoption was necessary
 Still may retain feeling of being different from other children who have not
been adopted
 As rated by adoptive parents, children in open adoptions appear to have
fewer problems than other adopted children but this is not always
consistent finding
 Children who had contact with birth relatives and birth father appear to
have fewer problems
15

Searching for Birth Parents
 Study of internationally adopted children in The Netherlands found:
 About one-third were uninterested in searching for biological parents
 Another third were interested in finding their parents but were not searching
 About one-third were searching and half of them (14% of whole sample) had
found parents and (18% of whole sample) were still searching
 Data available on sample in early and late adolescence and young adulthood
(ages 24 to 30)
 In adulthood, members of 3 groups resembled each other in education,
professional status, marriage, and children
 Adults differed from each other in experiences in adoption
16

Searching for Birth Parents cont.
 Were preoccupied with adoption
 Felt less positive about adoption experience, feeling they were intellectually
and psychologically different from adoptive parents
 Were older at time of adoption, boys had experienced same amount of
abuse as other boys but more early abuse
 Even as teens, were interested in searching and wanted to have close
relationships with them
17

Searching for Birth Parents cont.
 Had more worries and problems in adolescence
 Continued to describe themselves as being more nervous and depressed
18

Nonsearchers
 Felt positive about their adoptive experiences
 As teens, were uninterested in finding biological parents
 As adults, felt they were similar to adoptive parents both psychologically
and intellectually
 Had more contact with adoptive parents as adults
 As teens and adults, reported fewest worries and problems of the three
groups
19

Nonsearchers cont.
 Girls more preoccupied with searching, but did not necessarily do more
searching than boys
 When searchers found parents.
 They became less preoccupied with searching
 Were satisfied with reunion but still reported worries
20

Effects of Searching on Searchers
 In another study following adolescents into young adulthood found that
contact with biological family members spurred more conversation with
adoptive parents about the adoption process, how it occurred and what it
means in teens’ lives
 Contact with biological family may be beneficial because it spurs
conversation and thinking about adoption and what it means to teens so it
may help teens construct a more integrated sense of identity
21

Parenting Behaviors of Adopted Parents
 Though they may come to parenting with feelings of sadness at not having
biological children, studies show they are effective parents who do not differ
from naturally conceiving parents
 Adoptive parents without depression are able to rear children at risk for
depression so they do not show signs of toddlers at reared by mothers with
depression
22

Family Communication Patterns and Teen
Problem Behaviors
 Four Patterns and percent of teens showing angry, noncompliant behaviors
 Consensual Patterns – Parents and children are warm and expressive, listening to
each other, and acting to support family goals -7 percent of adoptive families and
4 percent of nonadoptive (3% of adoptive and 0% of nonadoptive teens had
problems)
 Pluralistic Patterns in which parents and tens were cool and distant and did
little to persuade other members to adopt their beliefs – 30 percent of
adoptive and 30 percent of nonadoptive families (17% of adoptive and 12%
of nonadoptive teens had problems)
23

Problem Behaviors cont.
 Protective Pattern – parents did not encourage open communication of
views but insisted children meet their standards and do what parents
wanted, 20 percent of adoptive and 26 percent of nonadoptive families fell
here (18% of adoptive and 4% of nonadoptive teens had problems)
 Laissez-faire – nobody in the family spoke or listened or tried to influence
each other so there was neither conversation or encouragement to agree,
41 percent of adoptive and 40 percent of nonadoptive families fell in this
pattern (27% of adoptive and 8% of nonadoptive teens had problems)
24

Problem Behaviors cont.
 Both adoptive and nonadoptive teens had fewest problems in consensual
pattern which is similar to authoritative parenting
 Adoptive teens had most difficulties and were most sensitive to the neglect
in laissez-faire families and they had moderate levels of problems with the
over control in protective families and the detached discussions in pluralistic
families
25

Family Communication and Adopted Teens’
Anger
 In another study of adopted teens and their adoptive parents’
communication patterns, observers noted that even when parents were
warm, sensitive, and supportive, adopted teens showed less warmth to
parents than nonadopted teens, and there was more conflict in interactions
with teens and adopted parents than in nonadopted families. There may be
stresses specific to adoption that increase tension and are discussed in the
next lecture.
26

Adoptive Parenting and
Parenting of ART Parents
Lecture 13.2

Importance of Communication in Adoptive
Families
 Children whose parents use consensual communication characteristic of
authoritative parenting have fewer problems with anger and
noncompliance, yet few families use this pattern though it is more frequent
in adoptive families (7% of adoptive families and 4% of nonadoptive
families)
 Between 60 to 67% of families use either laissez-faire or over controlling
patterns of communication
28

Importance of Communication in Adoptive
Families cont.
 Many adopted searching children in international study reported distress of
feeling different psychologically and intellectually from their adoptive
parents
 Effective communication in families can reduce this feeling because no
matter how different we are, underneath there are many more similarities
from being human and truly expressing feelings and thoughts on common
topics shows us that
29

Adopted Children’s Feelings of Loss
 Counselors of adopted children point to numerous feelings of loss these
children experience
 Loss of biological parents and relatives when adoption is not open
 Loss of culture and language when children are adopted from distance
 Loss of their medical history that may be very important loss in modern medical
care
30

Adopted Children’s Feelings of Loss
 Parents’ sensitive and responsive care of children at all ages can help
children deal with feelings of loss
 Interventions with parents to encourage secure attachments with adopted
children has had success
31

Social-Emotional Adjustment of Adopted
Children
 Few problems noted in young adopted children
 In school years, emotional problems noted and adopted children make up
more than their share of patients in psychiatric clinics (5% compared to
being 2% of population)
 May be that adoptive parents are alert to difficulties and get quick treatment
 May not be surprising in light of early life experiences and sense of loss
32

Children cont.
 Meta-analysis of 101 studies of problems and mental health referrals for
internationally adopted children and teens, drawing on 25,000 adopted
children and 80,000 controls found
 Most adopted children doing well despite the medical and psychological
adversities in early life
 While they received more mental health referrals, differences in their adjustment
compared to that of controls was modest
 Adopted children studied in adulthood appear similar in functioning to
those reared in biological families
33

Children cont.
 Comparing adjustment of adopted young adults with adjustment of friends
revealed:
 Two groups similar in life satisfaction, purpose in life, intimacy with others, substance
abuse
 Self-esteem was 1.5 points lower
 More depressed feelings reported (30% adopted reported depressed feelings
compared to 19% in friends)
 They formed relationships with others but reported more discomfort than friends
 Adopted children do well in many ways, and they function better than those
children who are their natural controls – living with parents who did not want to
rear children, children in institutions or children who remain in foster care
34

Parents Who Use Assisted Reproductive
Technology (PART)
 Studies find few differences between ART parenting and parents naturally
conceiving children (PNC)
 Parents using sperm and egg donors were more emotionally involved with
children than PNC and had more positive parent-child relationships – in one
instance observers rated fathers in families using donor sperm more distant
in discipline but mothers and children did not see any differences
 Comparisons of children reared in families using ART and children in PNC
were similar in levels of functioning when they were rated and observed by
others in school settings and evaluated psychiatrically
35

Parents Who Use Assisted Reproductive
Technology (PART)
 Parents in families using egg donors and surrogacy were as warm and
sensitive but mother-child relationships in these families were rated as less
mutually responsive and cooperative than controls
 Thought it might be due to lack of genetic connection
 But mothers who had told children re donations were similar to controls in
behavior mutuality
36

Telling Child
 Finding in previous study that keeping secrets may change mutuality of
relationships reinforces belief it is important to tell children about donations
use of ART
 Ethics Committee of American Society of Reproductive Medicine
recommends that prior to donations, all parties get counseling and agree on
the release of donor information to the child Committee encourages parents
to tell children
37

Reasons for Telling
 Major reasons given by parents who plan to tell was
 The child’s right to know the biological parent and parent’s medical history –
“Everyone has a right to know about their origin.”
 Not wanting to lie to the child
 Not wanting family secrets
38

Not Telling Child
 People give three main reasons for not telling the child
 Fears that the knowledge will stigmatize the child in some way
 Fears that the knowledge will change or lessen the relationship with the parent
who is not a biological parent
 Not wanting to complicate functioning because family is dealing with another
stress like illness
39

Most and Least Likely Parents to Tell
 Most likely to tell
 Parents who know children are likely to find out because many know there was no
pregnancy
 Gay/lesbian and single parent
 Those parents who do not feel shame
 Least likely to tell
 Heterosexual couples when no one knows about sperm or egg donations, yet
most of these people have told at least one other person
40

Process of Telling Children
 Similar guidelines are suggested as for adoptive families
 Begin to tell early, reading first about many different ways of forming families
 Talk in terms children can understand – children understand the concept of
helpers who help parents have the children they want so donors and surrogates
can be described to young children in those terms
 As children get older, they are more curious, and may want to meet the
donor, as happened in the film, “The Kids Are All Right.”
 When children learn when they are older, they may be angry, feeling
deceived as the young teen in Box 13.3 described
41

Importance of Biological Ties
 In becoming a parent, some parents want very much to have that tie, e.g.,
Holly Finn in Chapter 4, whereas other parents do not care, e.g., David
Marin.
 Medical science has identified a new group of fathers, fathers who thought
their children were their biological children, and then through DNA testing,
sometimes in the process of a divorce, discovered someone else was the
father
 Reactions vary. All men suffer a great deal and some find it hard to continue
a relationship with the child so the child suffers, others fight hard to stay in
the child’s life and consider themselves fathers
42

Importance of Biological Ties cont.
 Nonfathers’ distress may be complicated by feelings of being deceived or by
child support payments that are required because he is the father of record
 Author of article (Ruth Padawer, “Losing Fatherhood,” New York Times
Magazine, November 22, 2009 describes many different reactions
 All the research on adoptive and ART parents suggest that the way that one
becomes a parent matters very little in terms of the relationship and the
child’s functioning. It is the process of caring for children that makes a
parent as Michael Lewis said in his book, Home Game: An Accidental Guide
to Fatherhood.
43

Questions to Consider with ART
 Should there be upper limits on the ages of people who are served by ART
given recent findings of greater risks, though still small, for autism and
other psychiatric disorders for older fathers and because of the limited life
span for mothers in their sixties?
 How can we have a smaller role for money in the matter of adoptions and
use of ART?
44

Chapter 13
Parents by Adoption and
Parents by Reproductive Technology
45
CFD 250
Parenting in Contemporary
Society

Cfd 250 chapter 13

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Cfd 250 chapter 13