learn how to teach coping skills to your children

1. How children cope with stress
Infant’s coping
They have the ability to regulate stress. Coping dominated by behavioural
rather than cognitive because of capacities for executive functioning is very
limmityed paralleling the development of the frontal lobes.
. Young infants will try to regulate the amount of incoming stimulation by
closing their eyes,
turning their heads,
falling asleep, or,
if all else fails, crying loudly
An infant even a few weeks old will solicit social stimulation through
eye contact, smiles, and gurgling, but will turn away if too much
stimulation is proffered. Certainly, infants are also able to modulate
their cries in order to signal the type of distress they are experiencing
such as, hunger, wetness, fright.
What makes better coping?
Caregiver sensitivity is basic to the development of better coping.
Secure attachment with the caregiver is essential for healthy
development.
Types of attachment and its influences
1 Secure attachment
Children are confident that their caregiver will be available,
responsive, and helpful should they encounter adverse or frightening
situations. This security builds confidence in the child, encourages
exploration and competence, and is thought to be consistent with
healthy development.
2 Anxious/ insecure attachment or resistant
Children are uncertain that their care-giver(s) will be available,
responsive, or helpful when needed. The child tends to be clingy and
anxious about exploring the world and may suffer from separation-
anxiety. These infants fail to move away from the attachment-figure
and show little exploration. They are also highly distressed by
separations and are difficult to settle after reunion.
3 Avoidant attachment

2. Children expect to be rejected by their care-giver(s) when they seek
support or care. Several studies indicate that avoidant attachment is
associated with particular patterns of emotional and behavioral
problems, such as a pattern of depression characterized by
perfectionism, self-punishment, and self-criticism somatic complaints,
substance abuse and conduct disorder and schizoid and avoidant
personality disorders.
Coping among Toddlers
The infant must be able to orient to the external environment, learn to
anticipate events, and represent the world symbolically. The first
involves attention. Problem-focused coping strategies emerging
slowly, again the capacities for executive functioning, paralleling the
development of the frontal lobes is the reason. Emotion regulation also
develops in early childhood, and cultural differences in the expression
of emotion emerge at an early age.
What makes better coping?
The interactions between parents and children (particularly the early
ones involving communication between mother and baby) are of
crucial significance in a child’s development. What a baby needs is
close, confident, and caring physical and emotional contact with the
parents or carers in order to be healthy and to develop vigorously.
Coping among Preschoolers
Defense mechanisms such as repression, denial, and displacement can
be observed in preschoolers.
Parents are still the primary source of social support for preschoolers.
They are also still egocentric and often unable to see others’
perspectives. Parents strongly influence the development of coping
strategies in young children.
What makes better coping?
Parents help the children in three ways.
Parents can coach their children as to the appropriate emotional responses
and coping strategies.
They can also model these themselves.

3. They can create a home environment that is conducive to different types of
coping by their own responses to children’s distress, for example, that may
encourage or discourage disclosure, avoidant behaviors, and so on.
Coping in Middle Childhood
During this age period, children become more able to verbalize and
differentiate their feelings. Children in middle childhood are also more
able to seek social support outside their immediate family.
Interestingly, it is between ages of 6 and 9 that gender differences in
seeking social support emerge, with girls seeking more support than
boys, a pattern that continues into adulthood.
In this stage more cognitively oriented attempts at emotion and
problem-focused coping, including such strategies as cognitive
reframing, self-talk to calm emotions, and the like are possible.
What makes better coping?
The family environment plays a pivotal role in children’s
socialization. temperament, play an important role in children’s
adaptation following exposure to stress. Characteristics of the family
environment, parent behaviours, socialisation practices, and individual
differences in temperament may lead to important differences in
children’s cognitive appraisals, coping behaviours, and psychosocial
adjustment following exposure to stressful life events.
Coping in Adolescence
Parents still have a large influence on coping strategies. Parental
warmth was most associated with active coping in adolescents. In this
stage adolescents may turn more to their friends and siblings for social
support than to their parents. Some types of maladaptive coping
strategies are adopted—namely, using drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to
reduce distress.
What makes better coping?
Unsuccessful adaptation to such stressful events can lead to adverse
short- and long-term consequences, and, especially when these events
occur in childhood or adolescence, they can affect social, cognitive
and psychological development.

4. spending considerable amount of time with your child, today's parents spend
far less time than they could conversing and
Playing with children, teaching them important skills, and participating with
them in the routine responsibilities of everyday life.
Most of the parents not turn to a child for reassurance and comfort during
times of distress.
Some stressful events of children and adolescents
Parental divorce.
Rejection
Poverty
Sexual abuse
Moving house and changing schools
Natural disasters
Violence
Personal or parental chronic illness
Therapists are not equivalent to parents love your children regardless of
their behaviour. Provide a healthy and pleasant family atmosphere.
Help them to develop good coping. Happy parenting!.
About me
My name is Dr.K.Kumar. I am a counseling psychologist and
psychotherapist. I have received my PhD in Psychology. I have been
founder director of CIRPE - Center for Improving Relationship and
Personal Effectiveness, Puducherry, India.
Please visit for more resources
http://www.kumarmahi.com/
http://stress-coping.blogspot.com/