2. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 2
After All These Years
For the most part
we’ve settled into ease,
you (wherever you are)
and my heart,
now I know there is
no thing unendurable.
Still, a gift exquisite:
the clear blue of winter’s sky,
a gliding heron,
How's That Go? snow on Fisher’s field
or a stab of sorrow:
How's that go? Please tell me again -
day darkening to night,
A broken heart in time will mend...
a lone bird’s call,
an ambulance keening
But, what do you do with all that time -
pulls,
How do you mend what's been lost?
provokes, “Oh Anne.”
Please ease my mind...
For Anne, born 1989
My heart's been broken, you'd never see
That's what it actually used to be...
Submitted by Nancy Hickman
Shards and pieces are all that's left behind,
there's just a hole in it's place, easy to find...
So, how's that go? Please tell me again...
Dora Eaton
(early thoughts on losing Hunter Gabriel Eaton,
11/2/2003 - 11/28/2003)
3. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 3
Gone
Without you in my life, I feel lost.
You were my guiding light.
Bright and Shining,
full of the future and the promise of a better day.
You gave me a sense of direction…a purpose…
a dream.
And for once in my life everything
made perfect sense.
Let It Rain
Then, like a thief in the night, you were gone.
And I am sitting here all alone in the darkness When the sun is shining and everyone's out
walking their dogs and kids all about,
Waiting…Waiting…Waiting… something inside me gets turned inside out.
Those are the days that I want to pout.
Waiting for all that hope and promise of a
better day to return back into my life. I find myself saying God please let it rain.
Send something my way to help ease the pain.
I am so lost without you.
I know it sounds selfish and what have I to gain.
I’ll always be searching and looking for your bright Some days the sun hurts me and I find comfort in
light! the rain.
Love now, forever and always, The rain and the pain somehow go hand in hand,
something that most people would never
Mommy understand.
For Gabriel Jaylin Davis-Danridge And as much as I can love the warmth of the sun,
Stillborn on 12-21-04 my heart prefers rain when it's all said and done.
Submitted by Jocelyn Danridge Peggy Phelan
In loving memory of Henry Michael Phelan III
4. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 4
torrents of tears. Name that child? I'd named my
daughters years and years before. There, on my
knees, I had no doubt that their tiny souls had been
pestering me for all those years, to acknowledge
them. I spoke to them, now. "You are Sarah
As all of us do, during my first pregnancy, in 1969, Elizabeth," I said, "and you are Maureen Elaine.
I envisioned the child to come . . . and in my heart, Your mommy loved you.” And, as a peace I hadn't
this child was Sarah Elizabeth. Sadly, Sarah felt in 15 years washed over me, I finished, telling
Elizabeth was not to be. I miscarried at 3 months. my daughters, "go to God."
When I think back, I cannot imagine what those
around me put me through, with unsupportive Submitted by Jean
comments. "I hope you aren't going to lose your
mind over this," and "Grow up and accept that this
is just a part of life; miscarriages happen all the
time." (I was not a "child." I was a 23-yr-old
married woman, and less than a week from the loss.
The first quote was my husband, the second, his
mother!) A year later, a second child was
conceived…and, although I had some early Happy Fourteenth Birthday,
spotting, I carried this one up to nearly 5 months…
at which time, the doctor told me flatly, "the fetus Brad Sebastian!
has died." I was devastated. In my heart, she
wasn't "the fetus." She was Maureen Elaine. Time does not erase what the heart
remembers.
Strangely, over the coming years, although we were
to go on to have wonderful, healthy children, those With our love, always-
two names were to "pop through my consciousness" Sister Brooke Elizabeth,
like popcorn, always in tandem, and at odd times Brother Brian Matthew,
when my mind was at rest, "thinking of nothing at and Uncle Albert
all."
Fourteen years later, by that time, happily, the BRAD SEBASTIAN WARREN
mother of a daughter and two sons, I attended a 14 JUNE 1993
"Spiritual Healing Service" at my church. Although
we are Episcopalians, this service was led by a
Roman Catholic nun . . . who led the congregation
through a series of sort of "generic" events which
occur in people's lives. I'd only come to the service
because I was very active in the congregation, and I
felt my absence would be an affront to its planners.
Yet, there I was on my knees, with the rest of the
congregation as this little nun droned through a
seemingly endless list. Then, she got to "Some of
you may have lost a child before birth. Name that
child, and commit the child's soul to God."
It was as though a bolt of lightning had struck me
between the shoulder blades. The grief I'd not been
allowed to mourn now streamed down my face in
5. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 5
Healing Power of the Pen
by Alice J. Wisler
The first year after the death of a child is like Some people think only the creative types write,
having the worst noise possible running through when in reality, writing through the pain is available
your head each day and night. There is no way to to anyone who has suffered the loss of a child. “I
turn the horrendous sounds off because there is no don’t have time,” many say. “What will I write?”
off button. others wonder. The blank page scares some
because they think they have to fill it with
I wrote through that noise. I wrote from the heavy something profound.
bag of emotions bereaved parents must carry—
anger, guilt, sorrow and confusion, all the “what But just writing a memory of your child or a few
ifs” and “how comes” and “whys.” lines about how you felt after he died is a notable
start. If we think of writing as a private endeavor
I wrote of longing for a blond-haired boy with blue and an effective tool, not a paper to be graded by a
eyes whose laughter brightened hospital rooms. A high school English teacher, we will conquer many
quiet spot under weeping willows at a local park is of the doubts about our ability. In time, we will see
where I carried my pen, journal and pain. As I that writing helps us become better in tune with our
wrote over the course of many months, I was, feelings and thoughts. It clarifies our lives and
although I didn’t realize it at the time, providing gives us understanding.
therapy for myself.
Other reasons to take the time to write are:
Some days when the weather did not permit a trip to
the park and my body and mind harbored • To experience personal growth.
excruciating pain, I shut myself in a room, away
from my other children and husband. I’d grab my • To leave a legacy or a keepsake so that there
journal and let the experiences of the day and my will be recordings of what and who our child
feelings freely emerge onto each white page. was.
Grammar didn’t matter; penmanship went out the
window. These aren’t a concern when you are • To demonstrate a way of cherishing our child.
writing to survive.
• To feel a connection to our child as we
Writing the heartache, complete and honest, is a remember the things we shared here on earth.
way of healing. Our cry is, “Help me with this
pain!” We find ourselves lamenting as King David We also are honoring our grief, our pain and what
did in Psalm 13:2, “How long must I wrestle with has happened to us. We are validating its existence.
my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my As studies have shown, writing is healthy for our
heart?” David wrote many of his psalms starting minds and bodies.
with anger and agony and gradually, ending with
Professor James Pennebaker claims that writing
hope.
actually helps the physical body when the writer is
Writing can do that for us. We enter into our able to open up, by sharing deep feelings on paper
devastation, get a good grip on what our struggles over a period of time. In his study, half a group of
are and something about seeing them on paper students at Southern Methodist University in Dallas,
causes us to realize the pain is not only within us Texas, wrote their heartfelt thoughts and feelings
anymore. It is shared, even if only on a sheet of about a stressful event from their lives; the other
notebook paper. It is documented and the more we half wrote about superficial topics. Each group
write, the better we are able to understand and deal wrote for twenty minutes a day, for four
with our intense sorrow. consecutive days.
8. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 8
A Note From The Editor “Seasons of Grief” -- UNITE
Poetry Anthology
A few years after my son David was stillborn, we
went on a summer vacation to the outer banks of In honor of our 25th anniversary, UNITE has put
North Carolina. We rented a beautiful and spacious together a poetry anthology containing all of the
home on the beach with five other families – all of original submissions printed in UNITE Notes. The
us very good friends. All together, there were 26 of anthology includes more than a dozen chapters with
us – 12 adults and 14 children. more than 400 entries by over 200 authors and is
now available for purchase. Printing of the
The house owners named their house “Santasia” anthology was graciously donated by Dan Duffy.
and it had 10 bedrooms, 8 bathrooms, a recreation All proceeds from your purchase will benefit
room with a pool table, a hot tub, a swimming pool UNITE’s important work. Detach and return the
and much more! There was plenty of space for following form to place your order.
everyone.
Please send your check or money order (made out
It was wonderful to enjoy a week, with our good to UNITE, Inc) in the amount of $20 per copy,
friends, at the beach. But, amidst all the fun and which includes shipping and handling to:
commotion, I could not help but remember that UNITE, Inc.
there was one child missing. There should have P.O. Box 65
been 15 children swimming in the pool and Drexel Hill, PA 19026
splashing in the waves. How I wished David could Please allow at least four weeks for shipping.
be with us!
Please send _______copy(ies) of UNITE’s poetry
One afternoon, I was sitting in the upstairs living anthology “Seasons of Grief,” at $20 per copy,
room admiring the beautiful ocean view and to:
flipping through the guest book that the owners had Name: __________________________________
left out for all of the guests to sign. I noticed that, Address: _________________________________
on the very first page of the guest book, the owners _________________________________
had written: _________________________________
“Santasia is dedicated in memory of Sharon
and all of the others who are gone
but who we feel closer to at lands end.”
I thank the owners of “Santasia” for reminding me
that David really was there with me at the beach.
And even until this day,
there is no place that I feel his presence more…
than when I walk along the waters edge,
at the beach.
Linda Nuccitelli
9. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 9
NEWS
And The Winner is… Acme Donations
The winner of the B&B raffle is Shay Meagher. We would like to thank everyone who continues to
Congratulations Shay! The winning ticket was sold participate in this fund-raiser. For a complete list of
by Chastity Bruno, UNITE Member from the participating ACME stores please see our web site
Lankenau support group. Thanks to everyone who at www.unitegriefsupport.org. Not online? Call us
sold and purchased tickets. With your help, we at 1-888-48 UNITE and we’ll be happy to send you
raised approximately $2000! The money that we a list of participating stores.
raised will help to ensure that UNITE will be here
to support grieving parents in the future. Safe Arrivals
We want to hear about your safe arrival. Please
New Mail Address write or call us so we can share the good news!
UNITE has a new mailing address! Please send all
future mail to UNITE, Inc., PO Box 65, Drexel Fiona and Frank Purcell announce the safe arrival of
Hill, PA 19026. Wren Harrington Purcell. Fiona writes “Frank and I
have great news. On March 27th at 8:39 a.m. we
UNITE Grief Support and Facilitator welcomed Wren Harrington Purcell. She weighed
Training in at 6 pounds and 15 ounces and was 19 and a
UNITE will be offering grief support and facilitator quarter inches long. She is home and her big
training this coming winter. If you are interested in brother, Dermot, is taking to being a big brother
becoming a grief support counselor or support well. He likes to "help" a lot and calls her "pretty
group facilitator, please call or email so that we can baby." As always, we wish her other big brother
give you more information. Full scholarships to Liam (10/20/03 - 12/27/03) was also here to grow
these training sessions will be given to UNITE dues up with her, but we know that he is watching over
paying members. We hope that you will consider both of them for us.”
helping UNITE by becoming a UNITE grief
support counselor or facilitator! Tom and Kris Cobey announce the safe arrival of
their daughter, Emma Theresa on June 25, 2007.
She weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces and was 20 inches
UNITE Newsletter Submissions
long. Angel brother Thomas continues to watch
Please send your original poetry, short stories,
over her every day.
articles and letters to UNITE Notes. The beautiful
writings that we receive from UNITE’s bereaved
Michael, Jennifer, and Madalyn Swartz happily
parents are what make our newsletter so special. If
announce the safe arrival of their daughter and sister
you have written poems or articles that you would
Addison Zoe Swartz born on April 11th, 2007.
be willing to share with other parents, please send
Addison is named in loving memory of her sister
them soon. See page 12 for details on submissions.
Alexa who was stillborn on December 31, 2005.
Submissions for the Fall issue must be received by
September 1, 2007.
Jennifer and Brendan Kennedy announce the safe
arrival of their triplets: Cole Joseph (5.8 lbs),
Quinn Michael (5.0 lbs), and Molly Elizabeth (5.1
lbs), born on May 25th, 2007. They are always
remembering their little angel, Jake Joseph
Kennedy, born still on February 11th, 2006.
10. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 10
Gifts
Amy and Joe McFarland in loving memory of
April McFarland and Hunter Eaton (who was in the
NICU with your youngest daughter, Ainsley)
Carolyn and Michael Meakim in loving memory
of Mara Meakim (2/10/03) and Michael Meakim,
Jr. (2/11/03) on their 4th Birthday.
Susan Ashbaker in memory of Lindsey Nicole
Rush Ashbaker. “Your spirit continues to change
our hearts, dear girl. Mommy”
Antonio and Jennifer Tedesco in memory of
Antonio Tedesco, Jr.
John and Janice Bunting in memory of their son,
John Thomas.
Suzanne Wilson in memory of Molly Wilson
(6/22/05)
Jocelyn Danridge in memory of Gabriel Jaylin
Davis Danridge. “My little Angel. Stillborn
12/21/04.”
Susan and Joe Debro in memory of their son, Jake,
on his 7th Birthday.
Mary and Jim Doherty in memory of Thomas
Reid Doherty. “Our Tommy would have been 25
on Saturday, June 9.”
Joanne and Don Porreca in honor of Mary
Cushing Doherty for all the hard work and
dedication to UNITE as the Board Chair for 19
years and for her continued support. And in
memory of Janis L. Keyser.
Albert M. Moore in memory of Brad Sebastian
Warren on his 14th Birthday.
11. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 11
Joel B. Bernbaum, Esquire and the Pennsylvania
Chapter of the American Academy of
Matrimonial Lawyers in honor of Mary Cushing
Doherty, Esquire as the outgoing President of the
Pennsylvania Chapter of the American Academy of
Matrimonial Lawyers.
American Express Employee Giving Program
Stacey R. Diel in memory of Ava.
Verizon Foundation/Verizon Volunteer Program
Douglas Smith
AT&T Employee Annual Giving Campaign
Janet R. Morris
All State Employee Giving Campaign
Regina Tosto
United Health Group Employee Giving
Campaign
Susan Miller
United Way Campaign Donors
Tami Leather
John Kennedy, Jr.
Special Thanks
UNITE, Inc. wishes to offer heartfelt thanks to
ASTM International and Marge Cassidy,
Treasurer, for the printing of our brochures and
continued support.
Donations received after 6/01/07 will be
acknowledged in the next issue. Your donations
are greatly appreciated as they make possible the
on going work of UNITE. Thank you!
12. UNITE Notes, Summer 2007 12
UNITE, Inc. Support Groups
For information about the group nearest you, please contact UNITE, Inc. at 1-888-48 UNITE or 1-888-488-6483
(leave a message on the tape). Or write to UNITE Inc. at P.O. Box 65, Drexel Hill, PA 19026. Or email
administrator@unitegriefsupport.org.
New members must contact the group coordinator before attending their first meeting.
UNITE, Inc. does not discriminate on the basis of gender, age, marital status, religious belief, race, sexual
orientation or economic status.
Pennsylvania: New Jersey:
UNITE, Bucks County UNITE, Capital Health System
Meets 2nd Sunday at St. Mary Hospital, 7-9:00 PM Meets as needed at Mercer Campus, Trenton, NJ
Contact: Susan Larson, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape) Contact: Alison Johnson, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape)
UNITE, Chester County UNITE, Princeton Health Care System
Meets as needed at Brandywine Hospital in Coatesville Meets 1st Monday, 7-9 PM
Contact: Sandy Smith, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape) Contact: Iris Rubinstein, (609) 497-4435
UNITE, Collegeville UNITE, Virtua at Voorhees
Meets 2nd Monday at St. James Church, 7:30-9 PM Meets 1st and 3rd Monday, 7-9 PM at Barry D. Brown Health
Contact: Susan Debro, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape) Education Center
Contact: Lisa Shalkowski, Family Health Education Mgr.
UNITE, Holy Redeemer Hospital 1-888-VIRTUA 3
Meets 3rd Thursday at Holy Redeemer Hospital, 7:00-9 PM
Contact: Denise Paul, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape)
Subsequent Pregnancy:
UNITE, Jeanes Hospital
Meets 1st Thursday (on an as needed basis) at Jeanes Hospital UNITE, Lankenau Subsequent Pregnancy Support
in NE Philadelphia Meets 4th Tuesday, 7:30-9:30 PM
Contact: Rita Fadako, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape) Contact: Gerri Wismer, (610) 645-2099
UNITE, Lankenau Hospital UNITE, Mercer County Subsequent Pregnancy Support
Meets 3rd Tuesday, 7:30-9:30 PM Meets as needed at Capital Health System, Mercer Campus,
Contact: Gerri Wismer, (610) 645-2099 7-9 PM.
Contact: Alison Johnson, 1-888-48 UNITE (UNITE Tape)
UNITE, University of Pennsylvania Medical Center
Meets 3rd Tuesday, 7-8:30 PM
Contact: Kelly Zapata, (215) 662-2616
UNITE’s services include:
• Support Group meetings in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
• Hospital Inservice Programs and community education.
• Conferences for bereaved parents, professionals and the community.
• Literature and newsletter.
• UNITE group development assistance and training programs for group facilitators and support counselors.
• Referral assistance.
13. We invite you
, Inc. Membership
,
to become a member of UNITE, Inc. Membership is a
way of supporting the ongoing work of UNITE. UNITE, UNITE, Inc. is funded by your membership support and
Inc.’s work involves developing new UNITE groups and your tax-deductible donations. A one-year membership is
supporting existing ones, training group facilitators and $25 per individual/couple/caregiver. Membership includes
parent support counselors, educating the community on a newsletter subscription for one year-four issues. Tax
issues of perinatal death and grieving, as well as many deductible donations in any amount may be made in
other important projects. memory of your baby or a friend’s baby, or in honor of
someone who has helped you along the way.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —— — —
UNITE Notes Summer 2007
, Inc, Membership Form
PLEASE CHECK YOUR MAILING LABEL FOR YOUR MEMBERSHIP EXPIRATION DATE.
The date that appears on the mailing label above your name is the date when your membership expires.
NAME: ___________________________________________________ DATE:__________________
ADDRESS: ________________________________________________________________________
E-MAIL: __________________________________________________ PHONE: _______________
______ Enclosed is $25.00 for a one year membership to UNITE, Inc. which includes a one year subscription to
UNITE Notes. (I do not wish to receive a copy of UNITE Notes. ___)
_____ new membership _____ renewal
____ I would like to make a tax-deductible donation to UNITE Inc.:
Enclosed is $_____, in memory of ____________________________________________________.
(or in honor of ____________________________________________________).
(Your gift will be acknowledged in UNITE Notes. If donation is in memory of a friend or family member’s baby, please
provide their address and we will send an acknowledgement.)
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
Please mail to:
UNITE, Inc.,
P.O. Box 65
Drexel Hill, PA 19026
Email: administrator@unitegriefsupport.org
UNITE, Inc. is registered as a charitable organization. A copy of the official registration may be obtained from the Pennsylvania Department of State
by calling toll-free, within Pennsylvania, 1-800-732-0999. Registration does not imply endorsement.