3. Conflict as a result of
Self Deception
Getting into “the box”
"...people respond not primarily to what you do but
to how you're being...“
― Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box
4. What is Self Deception?
• An act contrary to what I feel I should do for
another
• When I betray myself, I begin to see the world
in a way that justifies my self-betrayal
• As a result of my self-justifying way, my view
of reality becomes distorted and I enter “the
box”
5. Signs of Self Deception
• Am I holding myself to the same standard I am
demanding of others?
• Do I make others out to be worse than they really are just
to feel justified?
• Does my need to be right blind me to the possibility that I
may be wrong?
• If I feel as though I am being mistreated, will I miss the
fact that I may be mistreating others?
• Does my need for justification obscure the truth?
6. Collusion
• When we are in “the box”, we will provoke
others to be in “the box” too
• Mutual mistreatment and justification
7. Result is Conflict
Lack of…. Introduction of….
• Commitment • Stress
• Engagement • Poor teamwork
• Motivation • Backbiting
• Trust • Bad attitudes
• Accountability • Poor communication
8. Conflict Resolution through
Self Awareness
Getting out of “the box” and staying out!
“If we are going to find lasting solutions to difficult
conflicts……we first need to find our way out of
the internal wars that are poisoning our thoughts,
feelings and attitudes toward others.”
― Arbinger Institute, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
9. What Doesn’t Work?
• Trying to change others
• Coping with others
• Leaving the situation
• Communicating
• Implementing new skills or techniques
• Changing my behaviour
10. Change Your Perception
• See others as people, not objects
• Change your motivation
• Have empathy
• Be genuine
11. Being Out of the Box
• Not resisting what is outside of our “box”
• Understanding that you may resist some while
not others at the same time
• Not rushing to judgement
• Letting go of prejudices
• Appreciating others
• Honouring ourselves
12. Living Self Awareness
• Live the principles, not the catch phrases
• Try to be better, not perfect
• Change yourself, your perceptions
• Apologize and move forward
• It’s about what you do right
• It’s about what help you can provide
13. Using Self Awareness at Work
• Leadership and Team Building
• Conflict Resolution
• Promoting Accountability
• Professional Growth and Development
• Managing Cultural Diversity
• Organizational change
14. References
• Arbinger Institute
http://www.arbinger.com/for-conflicts/approach/
• Dale Carnegie
http://www.dalecarnegie.com/conflict_resolution/
• International Association for Conflict Management
http://www.iacm-conflict.org/
