Teens need to be seen, felt, heard and received. Suffering from Grief, and are in bereavement. Thinking of their identity where did I come from, who am I and where am I going? In adolescence this is a trying not only for teens but for parents too.... they need a lot of love, listening and understanding. Today, I will be helping you understand the teenage brain and how these challenges impact them and how so much of it, is out of their hands on a neurological level and that for parents/social workers/case managers and therapists having this neurological knowledge will effect the way you approach a teen adolescent, especially those touched by foster care and adoption....

1. The Mystery of the AdoptedThe Mystery of the Adopted
AdolescentAdolescent
Jeanette Yoffe, MFTJeanette Yoffe, MFT
info@celiacenter.orginfo@celiacenter.org
(310) 351-8113(310) 351-8113

2. Teenagers BehavioralTeenagers Behavioral
Changes…good and badChanges…good and bad
Increased Sensation Seeking- Want toIncreased Sensation Seeking- Want to
meet others emotions through the sensesmeet others emotions through the senses
of human contact i.e. touch, smell, hear.of human contact i.e. touch, smell, hear.
Greater Peer Affiliation- Need to be social,Greater Peer Affiliation- Need to be social,
find a mate, reproduce, stay alive, workfind a mate, reproduce, stay alive, work
with a group, have friends and separatewith a group, have friends and separate
from bio-family.from bio-family.
Increased Risk Taking- They perceiveIncreased Risk Taking- They perceive
themselves as “invulnerable” and tend tothemselves as “invulnerable” and tend to
try high-risk activities i.e. high-risk sports,try high-risk activities i.e. high-risk sports,
alcohol, drugs, speeding in carsalcohol, drugs, speeding in cars

3. Why understand the brain?Why understand the brain?
The Key of Brain Based Parenting is knowingThe Key of Brain Based Parenting is knowing
the importance of integrating the 2 parts of thethe importance of integrating the 2 parts of the
brain,brain, the Right or the Left Brainthe Right or the Left Brain andand beingbeing
mindful of your own brain…. So we can harnessmindful of your own brain…. So we can harness
our teens behaviors.our teens behaviors.
You will know to ask yourself, when your teenYou will know to ask yourself, when your teen
comes to you with a behavior, which part of thecomes to you with a behavior, which part of the
brain they are in and parent to that brain?brain they are in and parent to that brain?
And you will assess your own brain… whereAnd you will assess your own brain… where
are you… in relation to your teen?are you… in relation to your teen?

4. Brain HemispheresBrain Hemispheres
Left BrainLeft Brain
Logic, Linear, Linguistic and LiteralLogic, Linear, Linguistic and Literal
Approaches things, to feel goodApproaches things, to feel good andand dealdeal
with things aggressively, to get them out ofwith things aggressively, to get them out of
our way (road rage)our way (road rage)
Anger has been found to be a left brainAnger has been found to be a left brain
emotion along with joy!emotion along with joy!
Loves the letter of the law!Loves the letter of the law!
Emotional DesertEmotional Desert
Functions different than the right!Functions different than the right!

5. Brain HemispheresBrain Hemispheres
Right BrainRight Brain
It senses emotionIt senses emotion
Protects us from harm and learns what toProtects us from harm and learns what to
avoid in life – defends out of fear!avoid in life – defends out of fear!
Non-verbalNon-verbal
Autobiographical memoryAutobiographical memory
Senses body infoSenses body info
Emotional Tsunami!Emotional Tsunami!
Functions different than the left!Functions different than the left!
Is dominant the first 3 years.Is dominant the first 3 years.

7. C.H.I.L.D FoundationC.H.I.L.D Foundation
www.childhealthlearn.orgwww.childhealthlearn.org 77
EMOTIONAL STATEEMOTIONAL STATE
A Caregiver’s emotional stateA Caregiver’s emotional state
– Influences teen’s stateInfluences teen’s state
– Influences child’s development in generalInfluences child’s development in general

8. 88
Many Parents take theMany Parents take the
Low Road… but this isLow Road… but this is
what what willwhat what will
happen….happen….
You will be stuck in a ReactiveYou will be stuck in a Reactive
Repetitive StateRepetitive State
Be Not Open to LearningBe Not Open to Learning
Not be FlexibleNot be Flexible
You will Hijack your UpstairsYou will Hijack your Upstairs
Brain!Brain!

9. 99
Your GOAL…Your GOAL…
take the High Roadtake the High Road
You will be in a Receptive StateYou will be in a Receptive State
You will be flexible and open to learningYou will be flexible and open to learning
ResearchResearch shows the physiologicalshows the physiological studystudy
which shows the muscles in the face/body relaxwhich shows the muscles in the face/body relax
Your goal is to “keep it together”Your goal is to “keep it together”
GOAL OF Mind Based PARENTING- To BeGOAL OF Mind Based PARENTING- To Be
Mindful and TAKE A SECOND LOOKMindful and TAKE A SECOND LOOK at yourat your
teen’s behavior to understand it’s meaning, stepteen’s behavior to understand it’s meaning, step
back from child’s reactions personally andback from child’s reactions personally and
reappraise the situation.reappraise the situation.

10. Affirmations for RegulationAffirmations for Regulation
The Power of the Mind Affirmations byThe Power of the Mind Affirmations by
Heather Forbes, Adoptive ParentHeather Forbes, Adoptive Parent
10 minutes10 minutes

11. ““The quality of strength lined withThe quality of strength lined with
tenderness is an unbeatabletenderness is an unbeatable
combination…”-combination…”- Maya AngelouMaya Angelou

12. 1212
Integrating the UPstairs-HighIntegrating the UPstairs-High
Road and DOWNstairs-LowRoad and DOWNstairs-Low
Road of the BrainRoad of the Brain
Engage your teen with warmth andEngage your teen with warmth and
comfort so the child “comfort so the child “feels feltfeels felt””
““I see you want…I see you want…I want that to tooI want that to too…”…”
Emotionally responsive parenting engagesEmotionally responsive parenting engages
the upstairs brain.the upstairs brain.
The goal is NOT to “stop the low road” asap,The goal is NOT to “stop the low road” asap,
the goal is to help your teen develop anthe goal is to help your teen develop an
integrated brain through connection.integrated brain through connection.

13. How to Listen so they will talk….How to Listen so they will talk….
Teens need A LOT of listening to…Teens need A LOT of listening to…
Don’t give advice, while your teen talks, plantDon’t give advice, while your teen talks, plant
yourself close, relax and let them direct theyourself close, relax and let them direct the
conversation. Send him warmth andconversation. Send him warmth and
confidence. Important talk begins with topicsconfidence. Important talk begins with topics
that may seem unimportant.that may seem unimportant.
Notice when your teen feels safe with youNotice when your teen feels safe with you
and be available/present. This can be TVand be available/present. This can be TV
time, reading together time, hang out timetime, reading together time, hang out time
each doing different tasks but in the sameeach doing different tasks but in the same
room.room.

14. How to Listen so they will talk….How to Listen so they will talk….
Have 1-on-1 with your teen doing whatHave 1-on-1 with your teen doing what
he/she likes to do.he/she likes to do.
Handle your own upsets responsibly. GetHandle your own upsets responsibly. Get
your own listening time too!your own listening time too!
Discuss thorny subjects by appointment,Discuss thorny subjects by appointment,
not by impluse.not by impluse.
Building trust takes time.Building trust takes time.
When your teen brings up feelings, stayWhen your teen brings up feelings, stay
and listen. Don’t argue, defend, or reasonand listen. Don’t argue, defend, or reason
stay and listen and be his ally andstay and listen and be his ally and
MODEL, their brains learn by EXAMPLE.MODEL, their brains learn by EXAMPLE.

15. 11stst
TOOLTOOL
CONNECT and REDIRECTCONNECT and REDIRECT
Connect first w/ theConnect first w/ the
rightright
• NonverbalNonverbal
• ComfortComfort
• TouchTouch
• Tone of voiceTone of voice
• Facial expressionsFacial expressions
• EmpathyEmpathy
• PausingPausing
• BreathingBreathing
Redirect with the left
• Solutions
• Words
• Planning
• Logical
explanations
• Boundaries

16. Setting Limits with TeensSetting Limits with Teens
Set up a time to talk about the problemSet up a time to talk about the problem
and let your teen know the topic.and let your teen know the topic.
When tackling a problem, remind yourWhen tackling a problem, remind your
teen, you love them and you know howteen, you love them and you know how
capable he is.capable he is.
Emphasize the importance of the limit youEmphasize the importance of the limit you
are setting and trust he can do it.are setting and trust he can do it.
Use “I messages” to let him know how youUse “I messages” to let him know how you
feel about the limit and why.feel about the limit and why.
Appoint a next meeting to get your teen’sAppoint a next meeting to get your teen’s
point of view of how it is working.point of view of how it is working.

17. Setting Limits with TeensSetting Limits with Teens
When you find yourself attacking yourWhen you find yourself attacking your
teen, stop.teen, stop.
Take a “time out” if the limit setting isTake a “time out” if the limit setting is
feeling overwhelming/defensive and getfeeling overwhelming/defensive and get
your own listening session and reconveneyour own listening session and reconvene
the talk again later.the talk again later.
Show respect for your teen, praise theShow respect for your teen, praise the
good you see and maintain a hopeful andgood you see and maintain a hopeful and
confident attitude they can handle it.confident attitude they can handle it.

18. 22ndnd
TOOLTOOL
NAME IT TO TAME ITNAME IT TO TAME IT
• Ask your teen, when there lid is on, toAsk your teen, when there lid is on, to
tell the story with emotions & detailstell the story with emotions & details
• What happened?What happened?
• What was it like for you?What was it like for you?
• What came of it?What came of it?
• The Left brain needs to understandThe Left brain needs to understand
how and why things happen to makehow and why things happen to make
sense of the experience in the Rightsense of the experience in the Right
brain.brain.

19. 3rd TOOL3rd TOOL
ENGAGE Don’t ENRAGEENGAGE Don’t ENRAGE
Connect with the rightConnect with the right
• I see you want…I see you want…
(feel felt)(feel felt)
• Remind teensRemind teens
feelings come andfeelings come and
gogo
• Join in theirJoin in their
distress and havedistress and have
empathy for theirempathy for their
distressdistress
Redirect with the left
• Offer Solutions
• Use your words
• Ask them to think
of a plan and
choose
• Give logical
explanations
• Set Boundaries

20. 44thth
TOOLTOOL
P A C E YourselfP A C E Yourself
PP - Be Playful, Patient, and Present- Be Playful, Patient, and Present
AA - Accept your teen- Accept your teen
UnconditionallyUnconditionally
CC - Always be Curious about your- Always be Curious about your
child with whatever comes your waychild with whatever comes your way
EE - Have Empathy for- Have Empathy for you and youryou and your
teenteen

21. "We can be sure that the
greatest hope for maintaining
equilibrium in the face of any
situation rests within
ourselves."
Francis J. Braceland

22. Balance for our EmotionalBalance for our Emotional
Needs as ParentsNeeds as Parents
Emotions are a signal
that tell us when
something is wrong or we
are out of balance
We all need meaning and
purpose in our life
We all need autonomy
and freedom to make
choices that bring us
balance and happiness

23. 5 Basic Needs5 Basic Needs
We all have 5 basic psychological needsWe all have 5 basic psychological needs
in life, these arein life, these are notnot wants, these arewants, these are
needsneeds
AutonomyAutonomy
AffectionAffection
AttentionAttention
AppreciationAppreciation
AcknowledgementAcknowledgement

24. Your Support System…Your Support System…
Designate a Listening Partner forDesignate a Listening Partner for
yourself.Talk out your stress- processyourself.Talk out your stress- process
your thoughts and reactions withyour thoughts and reactions with
someone else (coworker, therapist,someone else (coworker, therapist,
clergy, friend, family)clergy, friend, family)
Go to your local support groups toGo to your local support groups to
share/listen and problem solve.share/listen and problem solve.
Build a positive support system thatBuild a positive support system that
supports you, not fuels your stresssupports you, not fuels your stress
Pets accept whatever affection youPets accept whatever affection you
are able to give them without askingare able to give them without asking
for more---Pets are basicallyfor more---Pets are basically
invulnerable to “provider burnout”--invulnerable to “provider burnout”--
Blood pressure and heart rateBlood pressure and heart rate
decrease when interacting withdecrease when interacting with
animalsanimals

25. How to Replenish Your Brain…How to Replenish Your Brain…
Do a Grounding exercise in your chairDo a Grounding exercise in your chair
Do a Body Scan meditationDo a Body Scan meditation
Do a Yawning Exercise - 10-15 yawnsDo a Yawning Exercise - 10-15 yawns
Have quiet alone time in a calm, beautiful place-Have quiet alone time in a calm, beautiful place-
a safe retreat where you feel reneweda safe retreat where you feel renewed
Have an awareness of what restores/replenishesHave an awareness of what restores/replenishes
you i.e. aromatherapy, hot shower or bathyou i.e. aromatherapy, hot shower or bath
Acknowledge your own grief/lossAcknowledge your own grief/loss
Listen to Mozart Music TherapyListen to Mozart Music Therapy
Do a Sending Kindness & Forgiveness ExerciseDo a Sending Kindness & Forgiveness Exercise
Look at situations as entertaining challengesLook at situations as entertaining challenges
and opportunities, say “THANK YOU” toand opportunities, say “THANK YOU” to

26. Put Joy, Love, Hope, Laughter andPut Joy, Love, Hope, Laughter and
Gratitude in Each DayGratitude in Each Day
Name 3 things you feel grateful for today-Name 3 things you feel grateful for today-
Think of something that has brought you aThink of something that has brought you a
sense of joy (Make your top ten list)sense of joy (Make your top ten list)
Who do you love that you can reach out toWho do you love that you can reach out to
today? (Call them!)today? (Call them!)
What made you laugh today? (Share it!)What made you laugh today? (Share it!)

27. Chinese ProverbChinese Proverb
Equation for the value of yourEquation for the value of your
lifelife
– Your Health = 1Your Health = 1
– Everything else in your life = 0Everything else in your life = 0
– Put a one first, in front of all thePut a one first, in front of all the
zeros and you will have the valuezeros and you will have the value
of your lifeof your life
Without your health, you haveWithout your health, you have
nothing.nothing.
TAKE CARE OF YOU!TAKE CARE OF YOU!

28. The Way You Parent Matters…The Way You Parent Matters…
Honor your child’s differences, allow them toHonor your child’s differences, allow them to
be different from yoube different from you
Link compassionately, connect with yourLink compassionately, connect with your
childchild
Logic explanations are a typical way we tryLogic explanations are a typical way we try
to connect with our children, and it doesn’tto connect with our children, and it doesn’t
work….work….
Your job is help integrate your child’s brainYour job is help integrate your child’s brain
so they thrive.so they thrive.
The goal of discipline is not to give aThe goal of discipline is not to give a
consequence but to teach.consequence but to teach.

29. Hope does not takeHope does not take
away youraway your
problems.problems.
It can lift youIt can lift you
above them.above them.
Maya AngelouMaya Angelou