1. Handling Difficult People
By group
.

2. Do You Know Difficult People?
 What are their characteristics?
 Traits?
 Attitudes?
 Behaviors?

3. How Do You Cope With Them?
 Think of a recent conflict with a Difficult
person?
 Describe the situation
 Who was involved?
 How did they act?
 How did you respond?
 Were you pleased with the outcome?
 Is there a more effective way?

4. You Have Options
1. Stay and do nothing
 Use for a short duration situation but this
option builds resentment if used long-term
 Example: Suffering thru a rude customer
1. Remove yourself from the situation
 Use when you are losing control or when
you have a choice
 Example: Don’t go to lunch with annoying
coworkers. Make other plans instead.

5. You Have Options
3. Change your attitude
 Try to see the person or situation differently
 Everyone is difficult at some point
 Our personality differences make us rich
 Understand where others are coming from
 Threatened? Frustrated?
 We all have hidden problems to deal with
 Example: A boss with a sick child is hostile
 Understand what others want

6. You Have Options
4. Change your behavior
 Employ effective learnable
strategies for handling difficult
people
 If what you’re doing isn’t working,
try new approaches
 The following are guidelines. Not all
strategies work for all people all of
the time.
 Let’s take a look

7. Identifying Common Types of DPs
 Steamrollers
 Snipers
 Complainers
 Clams
 Ultra-Agreeables
 Perpetual Pessimists
 Know-It-Alls
 Indecisives
* Clearly not every DP fits neatly into one of these simple categories

8. The Steamroller
“Gonna roll right over you”
Their Behavior:
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Hostile & Pushy
Intimidating
Controlling
Superior
Your Goal:
 Command Respect

9. The Steamroller
Your Behavior:
 Remain calm
 Speak quietly & deliberately
 Above all, stand-up for yourself
(but do so appropriately)
 Try to get the DP to sit down
 Avoid a head-on fight if possible
 Be ready to be friendly once
the incident has passed

10. The Sniper
“I’ve got you in my sights”
Their Behavior:



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Secret attacks & hidden back-stabbing
Innuendo, digs & non-playful teasing
Negative undertones & superior attitude
Avoids confrontation
Your Goal:
 Bring the sniper out of hiding

11. The Sniper
Your Behavior:
 Be aware of what is happening
 Surface the attack with questions
 Flush out the real problem & deal
with it
 Point out facts &
consequences
 Try to provide a peaceful
alternative
 Seek group confirmation (snipers
hate being exposed to others)

12. The Complainer
“I’m so blah, blah. . .”
Their Behavior:
 Points out problems but doesn’t
offer any ideas or solutions
 Feels powerless
 Strong sense of what “should”
be happening
 Self-validating (others don’t change)
Your Goal:
 Form a problem-solving alliance
And another
thing …
blah, blah,
whine, whine

13. The Complainer
Your Behavior:
 Listen & acknowledge but do not
agree or apologize
 Ask questions to get them to think
 Focus on problem-solving. Ask
“What action do you plan to
take?”
 Continue asking “What do you
plan to do?”
 State facts - avoid argument
And another
thing …
blah, blah,
whine, whine

14. The Clam
“No comment”
Their Behavior:
 Silent
 Unresponsive
Your Goal:
 Persuade the clam to talk

15. The Clam
Your Behavior:
 Ask open-ended questions
 If response is “I don’t know” ask
them to take a guess
 Provide enough time for a
response but set time limits
 Present two options & ask them to
choose
 Lighten-up & watch for non-verbal
signals

16. The Ultra-Agreeable
“Sure, I’ll do it”
Their Behavior:



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Quick to agree
Slow to deliver or follow-through
Over commit themselves
Need to be liked &
make others feel liked
Your Goal:
 Get a commitment you can count on

17. The Ultra-Agreeable
Your Behavior:
 Make honesty non-threatening
 Focus on realistic commitments
 Surface underlying issues that
prevent them from taking action
 Establish a relationship;
take personal interest in them
 Propose win-win solutions

18. The Perpetual Pessimist
“It will never work”
Their Behavior:
 Believe everything will fail (although they
are personally competent)
 “It won’t work” as mantra
 Tap potential for despair in others
Your Goal:
 Transition to problem-solving

19. The Perpetual Pessimist
Your Behavior:
 Be alert to being “dragged down”
 Use them as a resource
 Ask what has been done before;
what worked, what didn’t & why
 Set-up a “worst case scenario” to
demonstrate that even the worst
outcome isn’t horrible or
insurmountable
 Don’t argue

20. The Know-It-All
“Let me tell you all about it”
Their Behavior:
 Think they know everything & will be happy
to share it with you - - ad nauseam
 Feel that your ideas are inferior
 Can be condescending & pompous
Your Goal:
 Open the know-it-all’s mind to new ideas

21. The Know-It-All
Your Behavior:
Turn them into a “mentor”
Ask for their opinion
Listen carefully & acknowledge
Present your views as alternatives
Be prepared & know your stuff but
don’t challenge or try to be a
counter expert
 Ask questions firmly but don’t
confront
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22. The Indecisive
“On the other hand . . .”
Their Behavior:
 Post-pones decision-making until it is too
late & the decision makes itself
 Doesn’t like confrontation so hints
& evades the issue
 In a perpetual state of “I don’t know”
or “gathering information”
Your Goal:
 Help the indecisive think decisively

23. The Indecisive
Your Behavior:
 Give scenarios: “Either this or this
will happen. Which is best?”
 Help them problem-solve & clarify
options
 Establish a comfortable
relationship
 Make it easy for them to be direct
by being pleasant, reassuring & by
surfacing conflicts & issues

24. General Responses to DPs
Remain calm
Listen actively
Try to diffuse the situation
Use “I” statements instead of “you always”
statements
 Be firm, consistent, persistent & confident
 Try to lessen your exposure to the behavior
 Try to reduce the causes of the behavior
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25. Difficult People Action Plan
 Assess the situation
 What is the behavior, with whom does it
occur, how frequently?
 Why do you think it is occurring?
 Has the person acted the same in similar
situations?
 Is my reaction out of proportion?
 Was there a specific trigger?
 Will open, direct discussion help?

26. Difficult People Action Plan
 Stop wishing “they” were different
 Give up this magical wish. It will drive you
crazy.
 Very rarely does someone wake-up one
morning a totally different person. It’s not
going to happen.
 Deal with the situation as it is
 Blaming is not helpful

27. Difficult People Action Plan
 Get some distance between you & the
behavior
 Labeling the behavior can sometimes help
understanding
 Formulate a plan for interrupting the
interactions
 Negative versus positive
interaction
 Change your behavior to break
the cycle

28. Difficult People Action Plan
 Implement your plan
 Timing & preparation are important
 Assess & modify accordingly
 If it’s not working try something else
 Unfortunately, sometimes just abandoning
the effort & removing yourself is the best
option
o Transfer
o Walk away

29. Handling Difficult People
The End