This document discusses a presentation on trust and influence for project managers. The presentation aims to teach attendees the four essential elements of trustworthiness, the "secret weapon" of influence, and how to apply the paradox of trust. It emphasizes building trust through credibility, reliability, intimacy, and focusing less on self-orientation. It also discusses how empathy, active listening, and understanding stakeholders are crucial for gaining influence and agreement.

1. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE:
What Every Successful PM Needs to Know

2. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
2
Welcome
www.trustedadvisor.com/pmireston

3. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
3
Common People Challenges
WHAT’S MOST VEXING FOR YOU?
1. Make a compelling case
2.Gain the agreement of diverse stakeholders
3. Say “no” to a customer
4.Recover from mistakes
5.Transition to a new customer

4. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
4
Goals for Today
AT THE END OF THIS PRESENTATION YOU WILL:
1. Know the four essential elements of
trustworthiness
2.Understand the “secret weapon” of influence
3.Appreciate the paradox of trust and be able to
put it to work

5. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
5
Building Blocks

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TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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The Trust Equation
WHAT DO YOU LEAD WITH?
C + R + I
S
T trustworthiness
C credibility
R reliability
I intimacy
S self-orientation
T =

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TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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Big “S”/Little “S”
IT’S A QUESTION OF FOCUS
• Rush to solution
• Make a bad 1st deal
• “Hoard”
• Be really curious
• Create true win-win
• Do the right thing
• Listen without distraction
• Talk, talk, talk
RESULTS NEEDS
LOW“S”HIGH“S”
• Avoid confrontation
• Compete for attention
• Speak a hard truth
• Give them credit

8. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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The Trust Equation
WHAT DO YOU LEAD WITH?
C + R + I
S
T trustworthiness
C credibility
R reliability
I intimacy
S self-orientation
T =

9. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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How We Think People Think
IT’S A QUESTION OF FOCUS
Facts Logic Truth

10. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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Cialdini on Influence
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PERSUASION
A primary driver of influence is …
reciprocity

11. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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Gottman on Long-Term Partnership
THE IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHY
“Understanding must precede advice.”
“You have to let your partner know that
you fully understand and empathize …
before you suggest a solution.”

12. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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What Empathy Sounds Like
“That’s a
tough spot
to be in.”
“Sounds like
we haven’t
done a good
job making
our case.”
“I’m very sorry to
hear that. I’m sure
that’s frustrating,
to say the least.”
“I don’t see value in that.”
“We’re just not sure which way to go.”
“I’m disappointed by
your team’s results.”

13. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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Three-Level Listening
PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
In pairs:
Person A shares a
project challenge
Person B plays
consultant/listener
3-minute role-play:
Person A—Share
Person B—DO NOT
solve the problem!
1-minute debrief:
What was your
experience?
Switch roles and repeat

14. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
TRUST AND INFLUENCE: What Every Successful PM Needs to Know
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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Thomas Friedman on Listening
“People often ask me how I, an American Jew, have been
able to operate in the Arab/Muslim world for 20 years,
and my answer to them is always the same. The secret is
to be a good listener …”
“ … It's not just what you hear by listening that is
important. It is what you say by listening that is
important...”
“ … Never underestimate how much people just want to
feel that they have been heard; once you have given them
that chance, they will hear you.”

15. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
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Key Takeaways
1. Make a compelling
case
2. Gain the agreement of
diverse stakeholders
3. Say “no” to a
customer
4. Recover from
mistakes
5. Transition to a new
customer

16. © Trusted Advisor Associates LLC, 2009 all rights reserved
© 2009-2011 Trusted Advisor Associates LLC. All rights reserved.
16
WITH OUR COMPLIMENTS
The Goodie Bag
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