Communications Power Point

1. Standing Up For Your Point Of View:
Relationship Argumentation
Conflict: If done effectively, it
should be encouraged!

2. Conflict Isn’t What You Think
Many people think that arguing is “bad” and should be
avoided at all costs, when that’s actually incorrect. Effective
argumentation in relationships can strengthen them as long
as certain tactics are avoided.
Family therapist Paula Hill explains some of the reasons that
arguing can be destructive.

3. When two people have arguments about things that are
currently happening, but remind them of something that
happened in the past, an argument occurs.
This argument will happen over and over until the issue is
properly resolved.
Unresolved Issues

4. Sensitive Issues
 When people don’t talk
about the sticky or taboo
issues in a relationship.
 The best way to overcome
this is to discuss them more.
Seems wrong, but it makes
the issue less sensitive.

5.  When a couple fights about something such as who
cleans what in a home, it may be more about one
person feeling overwhelmed with their level of
responsibility and feels less than in their relationship.
Fighting for Your Deeper Needs

6.  When a couple uses arguments as a way to fight and
then get to a hidden payoff.
 If a couple fights about something, but then has
“makeup sex”, the arguments get reinforced as a way
to get to something that is ultimately wanted. Usually
it’s because one person wants to feel loved.
Hidden Payoffs

7.  When a couple argues about finances, bringing up the
fact that the other person is always tardy, won’t help
and will only embolden the other person.
 Make sure to stick to the issue at hand, and don’t use
this as a time to bring anything else up.
Failure to Stick to Issues

8.  Compromise needs to be an integral part of a
successful relationship, so it’s important to take the
needs of your partner into account.
 If one person would like to save money for a house,
but the other feels more stress by not paying off debt
first, it may be important to pay down some debt and
save some money. The more compromise on your
part, the more likely the other person is to
compromise.
Not Wanting to Compromise

9.  Take into account good and bad times to bring issues
up.
 If you know your partner isn’t a night person, don’t
bring up an important issue right before going to
sleep.
Poor Timing

10.  This is when an argument starts with one issue and
keeps changing topic.
 Make sure to stay on topic when arguing.
Garbage-Bagging

11.  Don’t ever play psychologist! It’s inappropriate to
pretend that you can “diagnose” your partner when
talking about an issue.
 Be there for your partner and be supportive, but also
make sure to bring up issues that bother you.
Playing Psychologist

12.  This is when an argument gets heated and the
fighting gets “dirty.” Make sure to keep things
“clean” and don’t bring up issues or say things that
you are saying ONLY to inflame your partner.
Winning at all Costs

13.  This is when the argument turns into a competition
over who’s kinder, more decent, understanding, etc.
Keep on topic and don’t bother establishing who is
better or worse.
 Relationships aren’t moral competitions.
Claiming the Moral High Ground

14.  Assuming both parties in a relationship keep the
aforementioned things in mind, arguments can be
constructive and productive.
Conclusion