Conflict Management in the Classroom
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Conflicts are bound to happen in the classroom and elsewhere. This presentation is based on the book of Dr. Gartrell. The Five-Finger Formula for Conflict Managements will be very useful for children and adults as well.
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Conflict Management in the Classroom
- 1. USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SOURCE: GUIDANCEAPPROACH FORTHE ENCOURAGING CLASSROOM 4TH ED. BY: DAN GARTRELL, ED.D. LECTURER: MARY GRACE S. TERMULO, Ph.D. CONTACT: +639152570012; mgstermulo@yahoo.com Text your name and school. Two delegates will receive a simple gift later. Handouts will be given at the end of the session.
- 2. FOR DISCUSSION: ◦ THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT ◦ DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS IN USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT ◦ THE FIVE-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT ◦ TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS ◦ FAMILY DIVERSITY
- 3. A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Conflict Management What is essential t o know about conflict management?
- 4. Conflict Real Life Learning Opportunity Democratic Life Skills More Productive Learning Environment Teacher’s Task in the Encouraging Classroom
- 5. ILLUSTRATING THE TERMS • SOCIAL PROBLEM SOLVING – the ability to manage potential and actual conflict in peaceable ways (e.g. Aisha’s reaction to Starre’s question) A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 6. ILLUSTRATING THE TERMS • SOCIAL PROBLEM SOLVING – the ability to manage potential and actual conflict in peaceable ways (e.g. Aisha’s reaction to Starre’s question) • MEDIATION – teaching verbal responsiveness in place of aggression and victimization • IMPULSE CONTROL – a cluster of skills needed to so social problem solving • Emotional Intelligence • Intra-personal intelligence • Interpersonal intelligence • Social competence • Democratic life skills • CONFLICT RESOLUTION – positive response after a conflict has occurred A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 7. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT CLASSROOM ANECDOTE Tracy and Matilda were busy with the yellow and blue play dough. Thomas came over to the table and asked for some. Thomas grabbed some yellow play dough from Matilda. Matilda began to wail, Tracy tried to wrestle the play dough back from Thomas, who pushed at her with his free hand. A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Matilda But you can’t have any ‘cause there isn’t any more. Thomas But you got some and you have to share. Tracy But not now ‘cause you too late.
- 8. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT CLASSROOM ANECDOTE Claire, the teacher, arrived and said, “I hear angry voices here. There is a problem we need too talk about. Tracy, please sit down. Thomas, please give me the play dough to hold or put it in front of you on the table.” Thomas put it down, but kept one hand on it. A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 9. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT TEACHER • CLAIRE STUDENT 1 • MATILDA STUDENT 2 • TRACY STUDENT 3 • THOMAS
- 10. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT CLASSROOM ANECDOTE A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Claire First, everyone take three deep breaths to cool down. Ready? One… Two… Three… That’s better. Now I need to hear from each of you what the problem is. Matilda, you first. Matilda Thomas took my play dough when I didn’t give him any. Claire How did that make you feel, Matilda? Matilda Sad, ‘cause he just took it. Claire Now its your turn, Tracy. Tracy He was too late ‘cause we were using it. He took Matilda’s and I tried to get it back. Thomas I just wanted to play dough to make grass from the ocean and sun.
- 11. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT CLASSROOM ANECDOTE A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Claire What? “OK, Thomas, it is your turn.” Thomas If you mix the sun play dough and ocean play dough, you get grass play dough. Claire You’re right, you do! Yellow and blue together make green. Then what happened, Thomas? Thomas They wouldn’t give any so I took a little bit. Claire Well, there are three who all want to use play dough. Is that right? (Kids nod.) How can we fix this problem so there is no fighting? Matilda He can have the yellow, but no more. Tracy He could have some of my ocean play dough.
- 12. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT CLASSROOM ANECDOTE A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Claire Thanks, Tracy. Thomas, will that be enough play dough? Thomas Well, a little more sun play dough. (Matilda tears off more and slaps it in front of Thomas.) Claire I think we almost solved this problem, but is there something more you could say, Thomas? Thomas Thanks, I won’t take no more. Claire Next time there is a problem what can you do so there is no fighting? Tracy Talk about it. Matilda Get your teacher.
- 13. THEPLAYDOUGH CONFLICT CLASSROOM ANECDOTE Claire watches as the three sit at the table, Thomas apart from the two. Before long they are talking together as all three make “grass.” Less space separates Thomas. They sit at the table till center time is over. A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Claire Sharing is important, so if someone asks to share, try to talk about it. But if there is a problem, come get me. Fighting doesn’t help us get along, doesn’t it? No.
- 14. GUIDELINES FOR USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Guide 1 The teacher calms down all parties before starting. 2 The teacher intervenes firmly, not as a moral authority but as a democratic leader. 3 As mediator, the teacher shares power. 4 The teacher supports the right of personal expression and the skill of effective communication. 5 The teacher need not mediate perfectly for children to learn social problem solving skills. A. THE ESSENTIALS OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 15. B. DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS IN USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Using Conflict Management How does understanding young children’s development assist in conflict management?
- 16. B. Developmental Considerations In Using Conflict Management CHILDREN CONFLICT PROPERTY TERRITORYPRIVILEGE
- 17. How to Mediate Acknowledge & Support Feelings Define Problems in Simple Terms Reinforce: Two Sides to a Situation See One’s Contribution to Problem Suggest Their Own Solutions Help Evaluate a Solution Self Negotiation in the Future B. Developmental Considerations In Using Conflict Management
- 18. PEACE PROPS ◦ TALK-AND-LISTEN CHAIRS / PEACE TABLE • Guidelines: • Respectful words only • Explain, don’t attack • Take turns talking, etc. B. Developmental Considerations In Using Conflict Management
- 19. PEACE PROPS ◦ TALKING STICK • Guidelines: • Respectful words only • Explain, don’t attack • Take turns talking, etc. B. Developmental Considerations In Using Conflict Management
- 20. PEACE PROPS ◦ PEACE/POWER/PROBLEM PUPPETS • Guidelines: • Respectful words only • Explain, don’t attack • Take turns talking, etc. B. Developmental Considerations In Using Conflict Management
- 21. MAIN POINTS • Three most common source of conflict in young children • The younger the child, the more likely the dispute is to be over property. • Children can learn to see problems in a broader • Teaching children conflict management skills helps them to progress with an important lifelong skill. How does understanding young children’s development assist in conflict management? B. Developmental Considerations In Using Conflict Management
- 22. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Conflict Management What is the five-finger formula for conflict management?
- 23. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT 1. Cool down (all of you) 2. Discuss & agree what the problem is. 3. Brainstorm solutions 4. Agree on a solution & how it will work. Discuss what can be learned from the conflict. 5. Try it out, with adult monitoring and follow- up guidance as needed. FIVE- FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMEN T
- 24. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT MEDIATINGBYTHE FIVE-FINGER FORMULA TEACHER • JENNIFER STUDENT 1 • AUSTIN STUDENT 2 • DYLAN
- 25. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: One morning two boys were arguing over some Lego wheels. Their faces were getting really intense and their voices were getting louder this is what happened when I tried to resolve the issue. The boys said OK and come over. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT MEDIATINGBYTHE FIVE-FINGER FORMULA Dylan Hey, those are my wheels. You took my wheels (whining loudly). Austin (Yells.) No, I had them first.
- 26. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT MEDIATINGBYTHE FIVE-FINGER FORMULA Jennifer Boys, I can see you are upset. Please come sit with me for a minute. I will hold the wheels just for now. Thank you. First, let’s all take a couple of deep breaths and then we will see what’s going on. Ready, 1… 2… 3… OK, now let’s talk about what happened. Dylan you can start and then we will ask Austin next. Dylan He took my wheels that I was using yesterday and was gonna use today. Jennifer OK, Austin now you tell me what happened. Austin He wasn’t here yet so I thought I could use the wheels. Jennifer It sounds to me like we are having trouble figuring out who should get the wheels, huh? Boys Yeah. 1. Cool down 2. Discuss & agree what the problem is.
- 27. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT MEDIATINGBYTHE FIVE-FINGER FORMULA Jennifer OK, let’s see if we can’t come up with a way that you will both get a chance with the wheels. Do either of you have an idea? Dylan He should give them back to me. Jennifer Do you think that is a fair idea? Austin No, then when do I get to play with them? Jennifer Can you think of another idea, so you both will have a chance to use the wheels? Dylan He can keep using them today and then tomorrow I will get to use them. 3. Brainstorm solutions
- 28. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: The boys go over and play together with the Legos. Austin uses the wheels. Dylan finds an older broken-down set but makes them work. There are not any more problems. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT MEDIATINGBYTHE FIVE-FINGER FORMULA Jennifer Austin, what do you think of that idea? Austin OK Jennifer Great, but next time something like this happens we need to use our words and not get mad right away. Then if it is still a problem come and get me or another adult in the class. Does that sound OK to you? Boys Yes. Jennifer OK, go play! 4. Agree on a solution & how it will work. Discuss what can be learned from the conflict. 5. Try it out, with adult monitoring and follow-up guidance as needed.
- 29. ANALYSIS OF THE FORMULA 1. COOL DOWN (ALL OF YOU) • Give focused acknowledgement of hurt feelings • Separate for a “cooling down time” before mediation • The adult must be present to assist the calming process • It is a time to regain composure for the purpose of talking the problem through C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 30. ANALYSIS OF THE FORMULA 2. DISCUSS AND AGREE WHAT THE PROLEM IS • Avoid “loaded” language that find fault and assign blame • Ask simple questions and assure each child that he will have his turn • The teacher summarizes what the children says C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 31. ANALYSIS OF THE FORMULA 3. BRAINSTORM SOLUTIONS ALL CAN LIVE WITH. • Since the adult “knows” the solution, he can steer the children to the “right” solution • If the solution suggested is in the interest of the children, ask – “Do you think the idea is fair?” C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 32. ANALYSIS OF THE FORMULA 4. AGREE ON A SOLUTION AND HOW IT WILL WORK. • The adult should not suggest or impose a solution • Allow the children to agree on the solution • When the teacher observes that the solution was followed and became successful, encourage the children to come to a solution on their own in the future C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 33. ANALYSIS OF THE FORMULA 5. TRY IT OUT, WITH THE ADULT’S MONITORING AND GUIDANCE IF NEEDED. • Young children usually comply with the agreement and end up playing together. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 34. C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT TWO POTHOLES TO AVOID Blaming the children for the conflict, rather than to focus on the mediating. Determining the resolution for the children.
- 35. MAIN POINTS • Be a model • Provide specific steps in high-emotion situations • The five-finger formula includes the essential steps addressed by many models. • Avoid the two potholes in using the formula What is the five-finger formula for conflict management? C. THE 5-FINGER FORMULA FOR CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- 36. D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS Conflict Management How does the adult teach conflict management skills to children?
- 38. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: At the child care center on April 1. I had just finished reading a book to Ana. She had set it aside to hear me read another book to some more students. Charlie came up and took the book from the table that Ana and I had just finished. D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION
- 39. D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION TEACHER • ZOE STUDENT 1 • ANA STUDENT 2 • CHARLIE
- 40. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION Ana Charlie, NO! Give me that back. (Ana takes the book from Charlie’s hand.) Charlie (Screaming and crying) I wanted to look at that! Zoe Hey, girls, I think we need to work this out, but first we need to cool down a bit. (Taking both girls on either side of me, with my arms around both of them.) Can you each take three big breaths? (Ana shakes her head and turns back to me.) Okay, Ana, you can cool down on your own however you want. (Charlie and I count out three big breaths.) Are you ready to talk yet, Ana? Ana Yes. (She turns back toward us.)
- 41. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION Zoe Ana, what happened? Ana I was reading that book and… Charlie You were not. I got it from the table. Zoe Charlie, you will have your turn too, but right now we are listening to Ana. Ana Yeah, so I was reading the book and Charlie came over and took it from me. Zoe OK, are you done now? Ana Yes. Zoe Charlie, what do you think happened? Charlie Ana was done with the book. I was going to read it.
- 42. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION Zoe So Ana thought she was still using the book, and Charlie thought she was done. Is that right? (Both girls nod.) How do you think we can solve this problem? Charlie Maybe Ana can just give me the book. Zoe Would that work for both of you? Ana No, I am not done with it yet. Let me read it one more time. Zoe One more time and then you will give it to Charlie? Charlie, what do you think of that? Charlie OK.
- 43. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION Zoe Thank you, Charlie. I like how you both solved the problem together. (Charlie got up to play with other toys and Ana returned to my lap with the book.) Ana, you made me sad when you took the book away from Charlie like that. What else could you have done instead of pulling and pushing? Ana Asked her for it? Zoe I think that sounds like a good idea. How could you have asked? Ana Charlie, I am not done yet. Give it back to me now! Zoe Could you add a friendly word on the end? Ana (Grins.) Please.
- 44. CLASSROOM ANECDOTE: D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS HIGH-LEVEL TEACHER MEDIATION Zoe You got it! (I got up to check on another group and I saw Ana look at the book cover and then get up and give it to Charlie.) Ana Here. Charlie Thanks. (Ana then went to a different center and continued playing.)
- 47. MAIN POINTS • Modelling and encouragement • A “developmental timetable” does not exist • With guidance four-year-olds negotiate many conflicts themselves • Without guidance many eight-year-olds do not. How does the adult teach conflict management skills to children? D. TEACHING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS
- 48. E. FAMILY DIVERSITY Conflict Management What do teachers need to understand about two trends in family diversity?
- 49. FATHER AS CAREGIVER FAMILIES E. FAMILY DIVERSITY
- 51. MAIN POINTS • Provide fathers with useful information and resources for parenting education • Assist grandparents • Respect whatever family structure What do teachers need to understand about two trends in family diversity? E. FAMILY DIVERSITY
- 52. USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SOURCE: GUIDANCEAPPROACH FORTHE ENCOURAGING CLASSROOM 4TH ED. BY: DAN GARTRELL, ED.D. LECTURER: MARY GRACE S. TERMULO, Ph.D. CONTACT: +639175637794; mgstermulo@yahoo.com GOD BLESS!
Notes de l'éditeur
- CONFLICT – expressed disagreement between individuals Conflicts become negative only when they degenerate into violence VIOLENCE – words and actions that cause psychological / physical harm Teachers can do harm during conflict times Doing too little Imposing “moralistic solutions” NON-PRODUCTIVE REACTIONS HAPPEN FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS Emotional discomfort caused by the conflict Need to “remind” certain children who is in charge Need for a child to “learn the consequences” of his actions Frustration at being distracted from “time on task” Not knowing what to do
- CLASSROOM ANECDOTE 1: Starre came to the center one spring day with a buzz haircut – quite a change from her longer hair. Starre went up to her friend, Aisha, and asked, “Do you like my hair?” Aisha looked at Starre and started to say that she didn’t like it, but caught herself and with a quizzical smile said, “I’m not used to it yet.” Starre replied, “Yeah, me neither.” The two went off to play.
- The teacher intervenes firmly, not as a moral authority, but as democratic leader The teacher is mediator in charge The teacher cools down all parties before starting. The teacher supports the right to personal expression and the skill of effective communication. The teacher need not mediate for children to learn social problem-solving skills.
- Children have conflicts over property, territory, or privilege. PROPERTY – the concept of sharing materials or taking turns with others are not natural ones for pre-primary children. TERRITORY – a child already in the area often defines space needs differently than the other child PRIVILEGE – the child’s awareness of subtleties in society The younger the child, the more likely the conflict is to concern property: toys, clothes, even people can be viewed by young children as their own personal property.
- Children have conflicts over property, territory, or privilege. PROPERTY – the concept of sharing materials or taking turns with others are not natural ones for pre-primary children. TERRITORY – a child already in the area often defines space needs differently than the other child PRIVILEGE – the child’s awareness of subtleties in society The younger the child, the more likely the conflict is to concern property: toys, clothes, even people can be viewed by young children as their own personal property.
- Acknowledge and support feelings as a way to de-escalate emotions and gain trust for the process Help children define problems in simple terms: physical objects and specific actions Use the concrete situation to reinforce that their problems have two sides Encourage children to see the whole problem and how their behaviour contributed to it Encourage children to suggest their own solutions. If children cannot think of winning solutions, suggest alternatives and help them find, try, and evaluate a solution. Over time nudge children from mediations to negotiation in which children resolve problems by themselves. The teacher provides only as much mediation as the children need to negotiate the rest for themselves.
- Designated places in the classroom where children and adults go to resolve disputes Children actually switch chairs to talk and listen Guidelines: Respectful words only Explain, don’t attack Take turns talking, etc.
- FOR A GROUP: The stick is passed around in class meetings, where the person holding the stick expresses thoughts and feelings, and all others listen. The stick is passed until the problem or issue facing the group is resolved, or the group decides they have “counselled” enough for one sitting. FOR TWO INDIVIDUALS The person holding the stick talks
- Puppets are used to draw children into communication CLASSROOM ANECDOTE 3: During April, a student researcher in an early childhood classroom recorded in her journal an anecdotal observation of two children, “Charissa” and “Carlos”: OBSERVATION: Charissa and Carlos were building with blocks. Charissa reached for a block, and Carlos decided he wanted the same one. They tugged on the block and then Carlos hit Charissa on the back. Charissa fought back tears and said, “Carlos, you’re not s’posed to hit, you’re s’posed to use the talking stick.” Carlos said “yeah” and got the stick. I couldn’t hear what they said, but they took turns holding the stick and talking while the other one listened. After only a minute, the two were playing again, and Charissa was using the block. Later I asked her what the talking stick helped them decide. She said, “That I use the block this time. Carlos uses it next time.” (Smile.) REFLECTION: I really got concerned when Carlos hit Charissa, and I was just about to get involved. I was surprised when Charissa didn’t hit back but told Carlos to use the talking stick, and he did! Then, they solved the problem so quickly. “DeeAnn” (the teacher) told me that she has been teaching the kids since September to solve their problems by using the talking stick. Usually she has to mediate, but this time they solved the problem on their own. It really worked!
- The three most common source of conflict in young children are issues dealing with property, territory, and privilege. The younger the child, the more likely the dispute is to be over property. Young children tend to see problems in immediate and physical terms, and from their own point of view. Children learn to see problems in a broader, more socially response context only over time, with development and experience. Teaching children conflict management skills at a level they can understand, such as by use of peace props, helps them to progress with an important lifelong skill.
- Following the steps guides the teacher to effective things to say when tensions are high; for many this is an invaluable aid. In some mediation situations, the teacher may not formally follow every step. This does not mean the teacher skip the step entirely; the teacher just blend it with another step (e.g. steps three & four)
- Give focused acknowledgement of hurt feelings Separate for a “cooling down time” before mediation The adult must be present to assist the calming process It is a time to regain composure for the purpose of talking the problem through
- Avoid “loaded” language that find fault and assign blame Ask simple questions and assure each child that he will have his turn The teacher summarizes what the children says
- Since the adult “knows” the solution, he can steer the children to the “right” solution If the solution suggested is in the interest of the children, ask – “Do you think the idea is fair?”
- The adult should not suggest or impose a solution Allow the children to agree on the solution When the teacher observes that the solution was followed and became successful, encourage the children to come to a solution on their own in the future
- Young children usually comply with the agreement and end up playing together.
- A model is a practical, consistent method of practice. By providing specific steps in high-emotion situations, models of conflict management can be of much help to the teacher. In early childhood education many conflicts management models are available, using various numbers of steps ranging from 3 to more than 20. The five-finger formula includes the essential steps addressed by many models. Two potholes in using the formula are blaming children instead of objectively mediating and “solving” the conflict without including children.
- Involves direct, guiding intervention by the adult including, if necessary, the articulation of the problem, possible solutions, and trying a solution agreed to by the children The adult offers suggestions and works for agreement by the children He adult provides active leadership in the resolution process. The teacher acts as coach.
- The adult suggests that children negotiate the conflict, but stands by to offer assistance as needed It is achieved when the children are able to define the problem, generate a solution, and bring about a resolution with minimum adult assistance. The adults is on hand to provide verbal and nonverbal encouragement. The teacher is the facilitator.
- Through modelling and encouragement, the teacher moves children from high-level meditation, with children dependent on the teacher, to low-level mediation, with the teacher providing support, to child negotiation in which children take charge of solving problems for themselves. A “developmental timetable” does not exist for learning social problem-solving skills. With guidance four-year-olds negotiate many conflicts themselves; without guidance many eight-year-olds do not.
- Dad is the primary care giver due to Mom’s working and/or living outside of the home. The teacher recognizes: Dad’s traditional male role is removed from everyday parenting Dads may have a hard time accepting criticism and unsolicited advice about their parenting A positive relationship can be developed by sharing interests and successes of the child Encourage the dad’s efforts at parenting and be respectful towards him
- FOR THE TEACHER TO DO Build a relationship based on respect Modify communication approach Organize / locate workshops and support groups for grandparents Assist with referral and support is children have special needs Teach children about grandparents Many grandparents provide full time or part time care for their grandchildren. Many grandparents have problems with health, finances Their childrearing practices are rooted in cultural and family traditions – many are considered abusive They have conflicts with biological parents on parenting issues
- From out of positive relations with fathers, teachers can provide useful information and resources for parenting education that respect the father’s efforts and newfound pride in fathering. Grandparents raising children encounter difficulties that may be hard for teachers to even imagine. Teachers can assist by being emphatic to care-giving grandparents, learn about their situations, and assist with support and collaborative referrals. Respect for the reality of the family whatever the structure is vital to the guidance approach.