The document discusses ways to be sensitive towards others. It provides tips for paying attention to facial expressions and body language to understand how others are feeling. It recommends asking open-ended questions, giving full attention without distractions, clarifying understanding, and choosing respectful ways to express feelings. The overall message is that being sensitive involves actively listening to understand others' perspectives and validating their emotions.
2. WHY BE SENSITIVE
• Sensitive people get to feel the good stuff more
deeply- If you are highly sensitive, you probably have to
deal with feeling difficult emotions more intensely than
some people, but the flip side of this means that you get to
feel the sweet things in life very deeply too. While you may
have to use more tools to weather the storms of life, when
the storms subside and there are calm moments, you get
to feel those more fully.
• Sensitive people can be very empathetic- Another
benefit of being sensitive is that you can have very deep
compassion and understanding for the struggles that other
people face. As long as you don’t take them on or think you
are responsible for fixing them, sensitive people can make
excellent partners, parents, friends and healers.
3. • Sensitive people can be very perceptive- People who
are sensitive tend to pick up on things that others might
miss. Being aware and observant can be a very positive
quality. There are a lot of jobs that require great
perception and insight so being sensitive can be a great
asset to many different career paths.
• Sensitive people can embrace new concepts very
deeply- While sensitive people tend to absorb a lot and
often have to work on letting go of hurt feelings and
harmful thoughts, they can also use this quality toward
positive input as well. Given a handful of healthy tools, a
person who is “sensitive” to new information can be very
teachable. They can use their ability to embrace new
concepts and reap extreme benefits from them.
4. • Sensitive people can be very creative- While sensitive
people tend to be greatly affected on the inside by outside
stimulus, they can also use their sensitive nature to tap
into the creativity within. Some of the most creative
people I know are extremely sensitive. Yes, they might
have to deal with the outside world a bit more carefully
than some but when they use their awareness and clarity
to tap into their inner world, amazing things can happen.
Being sensitive can give someone a front row seat into
the inner show of creativity, intuition and clarity that lives
inside of us.
5. • Being sensitive encourages people to practice excellent
self care- While some people can get away with postponing
their needs at times, sensitive people often feel the effects of
neglect sooner than most. A person who feels everything fully
is more encouraged to fully take care of themselves. One client
of mine said, “Other people can get away with skipping a meal
now and then or neglecting their sleep for a few days. I am a
wreck if I do that. Oh, maybe that’s not such a bad thing? It
forces me to be on top of my self-care!”
• Sensitive people are very aware of their surroundings-
Being a sensitive person can give you a highly attuned sense
of the environment around you. Sensitive people are often
accused of missing nothing, but this is not necessarily a
negative quality. They are often the first to spot a dolphin at the
ocean, the first to spot a deer in the forest and the first to spot
danger coming. Sensitive people can be quite helpful and
handy on a hike or in a natural disaster.
7. RACISM
Making a coworker feel uncomfortable about her ethnicity
or the color of her skin is a major workplace sensitivity
issue. Racism exists on conscious and unconscious levels.
While blatant intolerance such as racial slurs, jokes and
overall lesser treatment of minorities is easy to spot, there
are instances that are more subtle. Employees might
insinuate that a minority coworker was hired or promoted to
fill quotas or to satisfy Affirmative Action. Comments and
actions of this nature make employees feel degraded and
ostracized.
8. SEXISM
Just as treating an individual differently on the basis of race
is a sensitivity issue, treatment based on gender is equally
unacceptable. Implying that a woman is incapable of
performing at the same level as a man is inappropriate and
unacceptable, as is passing over a more qualified woman
for a promotion in favor of a less qualified man. A
supervisor of either gender who favors his or her own sex
over the other is also guilty of workplace insensitivity.
9. HARASSMENT
Workplace harassment is unacceptable in all of its forms.
While workplace relationships can develop among
employees, they should always be in accordance with
company policy. Never should an employee feel pressured
or uncomfortable by another employee with less than
professional intentions. Beyond employee relationships,
harassing, bullying or intimidating another employee should
be dealt with swiftly and definitively.
10. INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
Professionalism should be maintained at all times to
prevent sensitivity issues. Employees should be aware of
how they dress, talk and act at all times on the job. Avoid
profanity, slurs, crude remarks and inappropriate jokes.
Wear professional attire devoid of offensive logos and
symbols. Maintain good personal hygiene and utilize only
appropriate levels of cologne or perfume so as not to
offend those with olfactory sensitivity and allergies. Always
be aware of your fellow employees and be conscious of
their feelings during the course of your day.
11. COPING IN THE WORKPLACE AS
A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON
12. DON’T SPILL THE BEANS
• Don’t tell your boss that you are a Highly Sensitive Person. They may
not understand it and mistakenly think it means weakness.
• In a perfect world, we could share our personality traits with our
employers and they would analyze how these traits could be used as
an asset to the team. But that’s not everyone’s reality. When I think
back to past bosses I’ve had, and I imagine telling them I was highly
sensitive–I have to smile. It would NOT have gone over well with
some of them.
• If–a big IF–your boss or co-workers have talked about being HSP or
you think they will be receptive to the concept, then tell them. But in
most professional environments, why risk it? You can thrive without
telling people about your high sensitivity, where it risks being
misunderstood.
• Then you might say, “We should be spreading awareness about HSP,
not keeping it secret.” Of course I believe that. I have a blog and
podcast for that very purpose! But the workplace is not necessarily
the right venue for sharing this personal information.
13. BE GENTLE
• Don’t beat yourself up about being different. Be as gentle with
yourself as you would be to others. It might help to tell
yourself that your nervous system is just more finely tuned
than others.
GET GADGETS
• Invest in your own ergonomic gadgets. I bought a pricey
ergonomic mouse and keyboard that I used in corporate
offices and now use at home. It’s worth the investment
because you can use these tools for years.
14. TALK TO HR ABOUT YOUR ENVIRONMENT.
Don’t be afraid to talk to Human Resources (and/or your boss) if
bright lights or your office chair are bothering you, or if your desk
is too high or too low—environmental things like that. You might
feel like you are being high-maintenance, but HR people deal with
this all the time. You are not the first person to ask for adjustment
in your workplace. Your physical and mental health are important.
FEELINGS = NO. PRODUCTIVITY = YES.
If you do talk to HR about struggles you are having, try to think
from their perspective. They want their employees to
be healthy and productive. Minimize discussion of your feelings
and keep your requests about increasing your productivity,
reducing work distractions, and physical health.
(Again, this depends on the workplace. You can take a different
approach depending on whether your workplace is open-minded
and modern versus traditional and old-fashioned.)
16. Pay attention to the person’s face
• The face is the part of the body that is most likely to show
emotions. If you’re trying to determine whether someone
is sad, upset, lonely or otherwise in pain, start by looking
closely at the person’s facial expression. Unlike some
social cues, the seven basic facial expressions are said to
be universal in expression across all cultures. These
expressions are joy, surprise, contempt, anger, disgust,
sadness, and fear.
• Facial expressions change rapidly, and may communicate
more than one emotion at a time. For example, the
person’s face may show both amusement and fear if
something very surprising has happened.
17. Learn the signs of sadness
• When someone is sad, you’ll likely be able to see it on his
face. It won’t look like a cartoon drawn with an upside-
down smile, but the corners of the person’s lips are likely
to be slightly drawn down, while the jaw comes up. The
inner corners of the person’s eyebrows will be pulled
slightly inward, and up towards the forehead.
• Look for the skin below the person’s eyebrow to appear
slightly triangulated, with inner corner turning up.
18. Use body language to communicate
respect
• Your nonverbal communication may be even more important to
another person’s interpretation of your message than your words.
While the particulars of body language will vary by culture, in general
the following are suggested as a way to communicate respect.
Making frequent eye contact while you speak. This will allow another
person to realize that you’re sincerely attempting honest
communication. However, eye contact shouldn’t be sustained for long
periods of time, or it may be interpreted as aggression.
• Direct your body towards the other person as you talk.
• Intermittent, light touches on the person’s outer arm may
communicate friendliness and support. More sustained pressure may
not be welcome, or may feel either aggressive or flirtatious. It can be
a good idea to ask someone if it’s okay before offering even a light
touch. Then, respect the person’s response.
• Keep your arms uncrossed and relaxed.
• Make sure your facial muscles are relaxed, and smile if this comes
easily to you.
19. Be aware of signs of fear
• Being sensitive to when someone's afraid can help you
alter your own behavior. When someone is afraid, her
mouth will likely be held open with her lips slightly
stretched and drawn back. Her brows are usually raised
and drawn together in a flat line. Examine her forehead,
and look for wrinkles in the center between the brows, not
across.
• If someone's afraid, the upper eyelid will be raised, while
the lower lid is tense. The upper white of the eye will be
visible, but not the lower.
20. Clarify that you understand what
another person said
• Summarizing or paraphrasing what the other person has
said will allow you to share your understanding of his
meaning, and offer him a chance to let you know if you’ve
understood him correctly. If you’ve not understood what
he meant, this practice can help prevent
misunderstanding.
• This step might feel like it slows down a conversation.
That’s okay, because it will also keep feelings from getting
hurt through misunderstanding. However, you can also
ask someone to repeat what he's said. Saying, “Excuse
me?” or “Would you mind repeating that?” are polite ways
to ask someone for clarification.
• Remember that this will be most important to do when
you’re talking about sensitive topics.
21. Give your full attention to the person
speaking
• Your undivided attention will increase your sensitivity to
another person’s feelings. If you’re looking around the
room, or distracted by another activity, you’re unlikely to
be tuned in to another person’s feelings. If you’re listening
and trying to fix some problem the person has at the
same time, then you’re less likely to be able to really hear
what the person is trying to say. Trying to help is a kind of
judgment. For best results, listen first.
• Some people can listen more attentively when they’re
doing something with their hands, but for other people this
might look like inattention. If it is easier for you to listen
when your hands are occupied, make sure you let your
friend know this
22. Ask questions
• Asking questions is a great way to learn more about the
perspective of the other person. Questions will also allow
the person to indirectly know that you value his thoughts
and feelings. Being open to whatever the person might
have to say is a sign of compassionate
communication.]Make sure your questions are open-
ended, allowing the person to choose how to respond.
Leading questions, or questions that are attempting to
persuade someone else of the correctness of your own
point of view, don’t show respect for the other person’s
feelings.
• If you ask questions that can be answered with yes or no,
make sure you allow the person time to provide additional
clarification if he chooses.
23. Choose the best way to express your
feelings
• . It’s vital that you have a way to express your emotions,
but in order to be sensitive to another person’s feelings
you may have to take care in how you do this. Sticking to
statements that start with “I” will help you say what you’re
feeling without appearing to blame another person. For
example, “I’m feeling sad about what you just said,
because it reminds me of an experience I had in high
school…” will be kinder than “You’re wrong, because
when I was in high school, this happened to me.”
• If you’re expressing empathy with the other person in the
conversation, chances are he’ll be able to respond to your
feelings with empathy as well.
