Xp days germany 2010 feedback

The Power of Feedback

What comes around
goes around –

The Power of Feedback

Dr. Ralph Miarka
Deborah Hartmann-Preuss

For internal use only
Page 1 Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss

Communication Chain

A common (likely apocryphal) story in the UK is of a general who
sent the message "Send reinforcements, we are going to advance"
back to HQ. After passing through many intermediaries it finally
arrived as "Send three and four-pence, we are going to a dance".

http://www.reticon.de/db/news/Image/topnews_whispering.jpg

Sender – Receiver – Model of Communication

Intended Disruptions Perceived
Meaning Meaning

Verbal Message
Non-Verbal Message

Shared Space

A’s Reality B’s Reality


Four levels of communication by Friedemann Schulz von Thun


Four levels of communication - Example

A man (first sender of the news) and a woman (first
receiver of the message) are eating a home-cooked meal
together.

The man says: "There is something green in the soup."

Send (man) Received (woman)
There is something green. There is something green.
I don't know what it is. You do not know what the green item is,
and that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You should know what it is. You think my cooking is questionable.
Tell me what it is! I should only cook what you know in the future!

The woman answers: "If you don't like the taste, you can cook it yourself."


Exercise on four levels of communication

In pairs,

Please pick one of the following sentences,
say it and listen,

Identify the four levels of communication that are in there.

•  The traffic light is green. => Do you want to drive?
•  The build is broken. => Why me?
•  Let’s pair program. => Figure it out yourself.
•  It's 5pm. => Leave me alone.


Tower of Babble

Build the tallest tower you can using ONLY pipe-cleaners

No other materials

It must be free-standing on the floor, without other support


Feedback

I don't know what I said, until I hear the answer to it
– Paul8 Watzlawick
Page Nov-2010 XPDays Germany 2010, Dr. Ralph Miarka, Deborah Hartmann-Preuss

Goals of the Sender

Inform the receiver about
•  how certain behavior is perceived and what it means
to the sender
•  needs and feelings so that the receiver can better take
care of it without relying only on assumptions
•  desired changes in behavior to ease future cooperation


Benefit for the Receiver

By JOseph Luft and HArry Ingham only
For internal use

Personal or factual feedback – Distinguish!

Verbal Message
Non-Verbal Message

Let’s talk about Let’s talk about
this meeting your punctuality

Factual Personal

A “thing” – ex. meeting Personality – ex. punctuality
Short(er)-term change process longer-term change process

Don’t mix both in one feedback conversation

Providing Feedback

Example

Describe as precisely as possible what you observed in the
particular situation. What did you see and hear? What happened
exactly?

Effect

Describe how you personally experienced the situation.
What did you think and feel? What was your reaction?

Change

Make a wish, how he or she could behave differently in that
situation from your perspective.

Providing Feedback

Example

“Darling, thank you for cooking today. I noticed that there is something
green in the soup.”

Effect

“I don’t know what it is. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t
like basil and I’m afraid it is basil. Could you please tell me what it is?”

Change

“I appreciate you cooking for us. However, there are things I don’t like.
Could we talk about meals beforehand?”


Rules of Feedback – for the Sender

Welcomed Descriptive and precise
•  Wanted •  What, when, specific
•  Good •  Don’t evaluate, focus
•  Relaxed •  “I” – messages

Helpful Timely
•  Learn •  Immediate
•  Improve •  Often
•  Realistic •  Regularly



Welcomed
•  Feedback needs to be welcomed by the receiver
•  It should be good so the receiver wants more of it
•  Provide a relaxed atmosphere
•  It is more effective when the receiver wants to learn
something about him/her-self
•  Please ask whether feedback is wanted, e.g.
“In the situation X I noticed…, do you wish my feedback?”



Descriptive and precise
•  Describe concisely what you saw or heard, i.e. observed,
•  don’t evaluate, judge or interpret it (“bad”, “good”, “right”, “wrong”).
•  If possible start with something positive about the situation.
•  To introduce critique use “and” instead of “but”.
•  It is subjective, thus use “I” messages – not: “one”, “we”, “it”, “you”
•  Remain specific, don’t generalize (“always”, “never”, …)
•  Focus, don’t start a character analysis



Helpful
•  The receiver should learn something that can help him/her to
improve.
•  Provide suggestions for improvements (“goal statement”),
instead of just saying “Please change” and, if needed, provide
strategies
•  It should be realistic, i.e. possible to change.
Timely
•  Rather immediately than late – fresh in the mind, not forgotten, less
change in perception, reduction of destructive behavior early
•  Provide it often and regularly


Guidelines of Feedback – for the Receiver

•  Good feedback is a gift – please value it
•  Listen thankfully and with the desire to learn
•  Take it as it is and don’t justify yourself or
attack the feedback provider
•  Listen actively – open questions are permitted,
like “When did this happen?”, “What exactly do you mean?”
•  Thank the feedback provider for the feedback
•  To accept feedback is voluntary – give yourself time to reflect and
decide of what to accept and which actions to set


Exercise 3x3 min

•  Sender to give feedback S
•  Receiver to receive feedback R
•  One person as observer
OB

•  Sender: provide feedback about some situation during this course
where you worked together – apply the discussed rules
•  Receiver: listen!!!, accept feedback, ask clarifying questions
•  Observer: monitor the rules, provide feedback on the feedback
round to both sender and receiver
•  Change roles after 3 minutes

Appreciation

•  Appreciate whole-heartedly and remain truthfully

•  Assume positive intend (Prime directive)


Shower of Appreciation

In groups of three,
two people face each other in the back of the third person
for 1 minute,
say only positive things about the third person,
never reduce/devalue anything that was said 1 min

(I ran this exercise also with 3 minutes rounds, people then need to
know each other for some time)

Attributed to E•S•B•A, European Systemic Business Academy, Vienna; Participated in this during my Coaching Intensive Training


Influencers of communication

Psycho and physical
conditions

Tactics
Situation

Fact

Social Role
Intention

Channel


Group creation: Factors affecting communication

•  unclear or incomplete messages
•  jargon or words with multiple interpretations
•  disabilities and other impediments
•  age, gender or sexual orientation
•  relative status or respect for the sender
•  lack of empathy or concern
•  stereotyping or prejudice
•  conditions or distance
•  quality and bandwidth of the communication channel
•  lack of time or other pressing priorities
•  poor spelling or inaccurate sentence structure
•  personality traits and levels of education

http://orglearn.org/career_success_blog/tag/factors-affecting-communication/

Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne)

Komplementär Überkreuz
Transaktionen Transaktionen

Eltern-Ich

Erwachsenen-Ich

Kind-Ich

Wenn Reiz und Reaktion im El-Er-K-Transaktions- Wenn Reiz und Reaktion sich im El-Er-K -
Schema auf parallelen Linien verlaufen, dann ist die Schema überkreuzen, wird die Kommunikation
Transaktion komplementär (d.h. sie ergänzt sich unterbrochen.
selbst immer wieder von neuem) und kann endlos
weitergehen.

A: "Ich möchte Sie über den Termin der nächsten Sitzung A: "Sag mal, musst du dich immer so benehmen?“
informieren. Sie findet am Freitag um 17.00 Uhr statt.“ (Eltern-Ich fragt Kind-Ich)
(Erwachsenen-Ich fragt Erwachsenen-Ich) B: "Ich benehme mich wie ich will." (Kind-Ich
B: "Vielen Dank, das werde ich mir gleich notieren.“ antwortet Eltern-Ich)
(Erwachsenen-Ich antwortet Erwachsenen-Ich)

http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml

Transaktionsanalyse (Eric Berne) – Indizien für die Ich

Indizien des Eltern-Ich Indizien des Kindheits-Ich Indizien des Erwachsenen-Ich

Da sich häufig besondere Eigenarten der Zu den körperlichen Indizien zählen Personen, deren Erwachsenen-Ich
Eltern im Eltern-Ich eines Menschen hier vor allem die Gefühlsäußerungen die Führung übernommen hat, fallen
manifestieren, können die körperlichen jeder Art, da diese einen großen Teil der durch besonders aufmerksames
Indizien sehr unterschiedlich sein. Aufzeichnungen des Kindheits-Ich Zuhören während einer Transaktion
Nichtsdesto-weniger kann man ausmachen. auf. Ihr Gesicht ist offen und direkt
allgemeine Tendenzen ausmachen. So dem Gesprächspartner zugewandt.
führt Harris in einer Liste mit Indizien für Als sprachliche Anhaltspunkte gelten
das Eltern-Ich z.B. einem anderen den insbesondere Adjektive, die über Auch in ihrer Sprache stechen
Kopf tätscheln, Stirnfalten oder emotionale Zustände Auskunft geben Wörter die vorrangig der
Händeringen an. wie traurig, glücklich etc. sowie z.B. Ich Informationsfindung dienen hervor,
will, Ich wünsche oder Wenn ich groß wie z.B. was, wo, wie, warum und so
Zu den sprachlichen Indizien zählen vor bin... . weiter.
allem wertende Urteile über andere
Menschen, die automatisch ohne Superlative entspringen ebenfalls meist Das Erwachsenen-Ich äußert sich
Überlegung ausgesprochen werden. dem Kindheits-Ich. Sie erwachsen dem nur, nachdem es nachgedacht hat.
Bedürfnis des Kindes, durch Wertungen die von ihm
Allgemeiner kann man sagen, dass Überlegenheitsbekundungen gegenüber vorgenommen werden, sind
unreflektierte klischeehafte Äußerungen anderen, das eigene "Ich bin nicht o.k." reflektiert und enthalten eine innere
sowie Vorurteile als Indizien des Eltern- zu kompensieren. Logik.
Ich anzusehen sind. Passivität und die
Befolgung von Regeln sind weitere
Indizien.
http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Transaktionsanalyse.shtml

References

•  Business Communications, Online:
www.bized.co.uk/educators/level2/comms/activity/buscomms12.htm

•  Communication Model, Online: www.pirate.shu.edu/˜yatesdan/Tutorial.htm

•  Books: Friedemann Schulz von Thun, Miteinander Reden 1-3.

•  Online: http://annellchen.wordpress.com/2009/04/27/miteinander-reden-schulz-von-thun/

•  Four sides model, Online: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_sides_model, last modified on
26 January 2010

•  Carl Benedict, Johari Window: A Tool for Understanding Self, Serenity Online Therapy,
2005- 2010. Online: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/johariwindow.htm

•  Online: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/

Other Resources - FEEDBACK

Deutsch:

  Book: Paul Watzlawick: Wie wirklich ist die Wirklichkeit?

  Book: V. F. Birkenbihl: Kommunikationstraining – Zwischenmenschliche Beziehungen
erfolgreich gestalten

  Link: http://arbeitsblaetter.stangl-taller.at/KOMMUNIKATION/Feedback.shtml

English:
  Perspectives: http://managementhelp.org/commskls/feedback/feedback.htm

  Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/feedback


Other Resources - APPRECIATION

How and why to run Appreciation Exercises
  http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/07/appreciate.html
  http://www.estherderby.com/weblog/2004/08/recognition-gap.html
  http://cwd.dhemery.com/2004/08/appreciation

Exercises
  Book: Jean Tabaka, Collaboration Explained, Ch. 16. Visioning, Retrospection, & Other Approaches
  Book: Diana Larsen and Esther Derby, Agile Retrospectives
  Book: Norman Kerth, Project Retrospectives: A Handbook for Team Reviews
  Excerpt: Norman Kerth, http://www.retrospectives.com/pages/Anatomy.html
  http://www.nickheap.co.uk/articles.asp?art_id=205

Appreciative Inquiry
  What is it? http://appreciativeinquiry.case.edu/intro/whatisai.cfm
  Book: Sue Annis Hammond, Thin Book of Appreciative Inquiry (2nd edition)
  Book: Diana Witney et al, Appreciative Team Building: Positive Questions to Bring Out the Best of
Your Team
  Links: http://www.delicious.com/ipreuss/appreciativeinquiry For internal use only

When to ask „Why“

The danger of „Why“

•  Might be felt as personal attack (why did you)

•  Looks backwards, not forward

The power of „Why“

•  Helps to determine root-causes (5 Why’s)

So, ask “Why” when you need to find the root-cause of something
(typically technical) but not so much in personal situations


Thank you for your participation! Yours…

Dr. Ralph Miarka, E-Mail: ralph@miarka.de, Vienna, AT

Coach, Consultant, Trainer for agile Software Development and
Workshop Facilitator

Deborah Hartmann Preuss, E-Mail:
deb@deborahpreuss.com, Karlsruhe, DE

Independent Effectiveness Coach for Teams/Individuals,
Agile/ScrumTrainer, Open Space Conference Facilitator

Special thanks to Sabine Colimprain for her support.
Psychologist and Psychotherapist (in training), Graz, AT


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