1. CONFLICT
Building conflict competence

2. DIFFICULTIES that lead to conflict
In a dilemma:
each choice may lead to unacceptable outcomes
In difficult decisions:
the right answer is theoretically possible
but not with the available resources
In wicked problems:
refinements are always possible
because new requirements keep emerging
With multiple viewpoints:
different groups use different values to assess outcomes

3. CONFLICT
Conflict is:
• Inevitable
• Complex
• Emotionally challenging
Conflict-competence requires:
• Safety
• Openness

4. OUTCOMES of CONFLICT
Conflict can be a problem, or an opportunity
If unmanaged, conflict may lead to:
• Heightened negative emotions
• Lower productivity
If properly managed, conflict can:
• Uncover new ideas, explore and vet alternatives
• Improve team cohesiveness & commitment
• Enhance productivity

5. TYPES of CONFLICT
Relationship Conflict:
• People try to find someone to blame
• Attribute task difficulties to other people’s bad intentions
• Negative emotions: frustration, anger, stress, fear
• > poor productivity, divisiveness and poor decision making
Task Conflict:
• Robustly debating issues, exploring and vetting options
• Positive emotions: opportunity, challenge, energized, learning
• > heightened creativity, aiming for a resolution
Four times as many words describe relationship conflict. Why?
Facilitators aim to turn this round, to develop conflict competence

6. DIFFERENCES: a source of conflict
• Personalities innovative / traditional, confident / diffident
• Preferences for detail / big picture, see Myers-Briggs
• Styles desire to win / conflict avoidance
• Values & Principles equality / excellence
• Culture individualistic / collectivist, expressive / restrained
• Knowledge & Experience not understanding suggestions
• Needs & Goals project / home dept, ambiguous team goals

7. OTHER SOURCES of CONFLICT
• Feeling Incompatible < ? only due to misunderstanding
• Unmet Expectations < no progress reports / task feedback
• Time / Resource Pressures > no time to listen, reverting
• Emotion > outbursts, talking less, feeling hurt, embarrassment
• Misunderstanding & Distrust <> attributing bad motives
• Stereotypes > seeing a profession / disability, not an individual
• Previous conflicts > expect same problems to occur again

8. CONFLICT NORMS:
OPENNESS
• Expect differences
• Don’t avoid conflict
• Value different viewpoints
• Directly state opposing views
• In stating a new view the person has taken a risk
Now they are vulnerable, so take care
• Provide psychological security

9. CONFLICT NORMS:
COHESIVENESS
• Feel jointly responsible for goals
• Feel jointly responsible for consequences
• Share information
• Seek clarity about goals and roles
• Make decisions together
• Develop team rewards, not individual rewards
• Learn from how and when members cooperate

10. BUILD CONFLICT-COMPETENCE
Team must accept that conflict is inevitable
Discuss in advance how to react to conflict
Agree ‘conflict norms’ as to how to behave

11. CONFLICT NORMS:
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Be aware of your own emotions around conflict
• Acknowledge your emotions and manage them
• Cool down, slow down
• Reflect on what’s happening
Be aware of other people’s emotions around conflict
• Don’t assume they’ll feel the same as you would
• Seek to understand their perceptions
Talk about emotions. If in doubt, choose to talk.

12. CLIMATE for CONFLICT-COMPETENCE
• Trust
• Safety
• Genuineness
• Emotional Intelligence
• Positive attitudes
• Openness
Does the surrounding organisation provide these?

13. CONFLICT-COMPETENT COMMUNICATION
• Reflective thinking
• Delayed responses
• Listening for understanding
• Expressing emotions
• Staying on-track

14. ATTITUDES
Share assumptions and attitudes about conflict
Isobel thinks this is best done one-to-one at first
• How do we feel about conflict?
• Recall times when conflict was useful
Trust enables people to take risks, be open & honest
Isobel has seen people relieved to ‘tell it as it is’

15. QUOTES from REAL MEETINGS
“Yes, I can see where you’re coming from,
but that would be a problem for us because …”
“I’m sorry, we’ll have to find another word.
We need a word that isn’t your ‘client’, or our ‘patient’.
Why? Erm… What would happen if someone, just
one person, worked full-time on the oldest cases?
Is it just me? I feel as if we’re not understanding each other.
Do I hear you saying …?

16. REQUIREMENTS for TRUST
Trust requires three beliefs:
• Ability Believing the other person can deliver
• Benevolence Believing they care about me
• Integrity Believing they adhere to acceptable principles
Trust also requires ability to trust, which depends on:
• Attributions based on stereotypes, past experience, …
• Moods make it difficult to give people benefit of doubt
• Leaders who are consistent and tell the truth

17. BUILDING TRUST
You want people to believe that you will:
• Have their best interests at heart
• Not harm them when they are vulnerable
• Not speak about people behind their back
• Let them know how you feel
• Admit when you are wrong
• Listen to their side of the story, give them benefit of doubt
• Hold everyone accountable for agreements made

18. TRUST requires COURAGE
Trust requires the courage to:
• Be personally responsible for your own actions
• Share your experiences, ideas and feelings
• Demonstrate your own vulnerability
• Follow through on your promises
• Take the risk of listening to others
• Clarify expectations and explore new ground
• Show concern for the welfare of others

19. REPAIRING TRUST
Any breach of trust rapidly festers >
• Cognitive response: negative attributions > distrust
• Affective response: negative emotions > anger
Any breach must be repaired right away
Perpetrator must take responsibility and apologise
Victim must decide whether to forgive and move on

20. PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
Psychological safety refers to group situations
It describes:
• A feeling of safety that enables people to take risks
• The belief that others won’t embarrass, reject or punish you
It encourages people to:
• Speak up when they are concerned, seek help, admit vulnerability
• Take risks, debate issues, push boundaries, express dissent
It requires openness, trust and mutual respect

21. BEHAVIOURAL INTEGRATION
• Collaborative spirit
• People feel comfortable together
• Don’t expect colleagues to let them down
• Don’t expect colleagues to take advantage
• Avoid covert meetings
• Smaller teams
• Rewarding entire team > focus on joint aims

22. NEUROPHYSIOLOGY of EMOTIONS
Emotions are triggered in the amygdala
Emotions are modulated in the pre-frontal cortex
• Positive emotions: left pre-frontal cortex
• Negative emotions: right pre-frontal cortex
Above a certain level of emotional stress:
• fight-or-flight hormones are released
• rational thinking becomes very difficult

23. AMYGDALA & PREFRONTAL CORTEX
Triggers emotions Modulates emotions

24. THE TRIUNE BRAIN
• Instinctive reactions
come from the brainstem
• Emotional memories
arise from the limbic system
(the Amygdala)
• Rational thought occurs in the neocortex

25. NEUROPHYSIOLOGY of EMOTIONS
Emotions are triggered in the amygdala
Emotions are modulated in the pre-frontal cortex
• Positive emotions: left pre-frontal cortex
• Negative emotions: right pre-frontal cortex
Above a certain level of emotional stress:
• fight-or-flight hormones are released
• rational thinking becomes very difficult

26. CONFLICT DYNAMICS

27. TRIGGER
The technical term ‘Trigger’
means an imprint from past traumas,
We experience a trigger when feelings well up.
This is a knee-jerk reaction to past problems.
But we should try to react in the ‘here and now’

28. CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS
Be aware of your own emotional triggers
What irritates you?
Cool down
Settle your heightened emotions
Reframe:
understand > empathise > nurture
Then you will be ready to look outwards again

29. COOL DOWN
To cool down:
Breathe deep and slow
Centre yourself (just below the navel)
Observe your own emotions, for reviewing later
Be mindful: pay attention to your experiences at present
Look for any subjectivity and de-emphasise it
Meditate: This takes some learning
But it is quite achievable

30. RE-FRAME ATTRIBUTIONS
Look for cognitive empathy:
understand where other people are coming from
Then look for emotional empathy:
feel with the other person’s feelings
(but remember, your reaction may be different from theirs)
And finally: compassionate empathy
are you willing to nurture the other person?

31. LOOK OUTWARDS
With you emotions under control, you are ready for
Cognitive reappraisal:
Look for less sinister motives
(‘You have the power to revoke your estimate of the situation’)
Perspective talking:
Address core concerns:
appreciation, affiliation, autonomy, status, role/purpose
If none of this is working: slow down, call time-out

32. CONFLICT INTENSITY LEVELS
1. Differences – different viewpoints, each understands the
others’ views, no discomfort
2. Misunderstandings – what is understood by some is
different from what is understood by others. ?intent
3. Disagreements – even if people understand, they still feel
discomfort. ?constructive or destructive.
4. Discord – conflict causes relationship difficulties, even
beyond the context of the original conflict.
5. Polarisation – inability to see the other side’s point of view

33. DESTRUCTIVE RESPONSES
Avoidance pushes conflict underground to fester,
leading to infected relationships and poor decisions
Vehement argument may succeed in the short term,
but it jeopardises future collaboration
Yielding generates expectation that you’ll yield again
Sarcasm undermines emotional safety
Blocking pushes conflict underground, like avoidance

34. CONSTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS
Perspective Talk express the opposing viewpoint / feelings, as you understand
them
Listen for Understanding seek first to understand, then to be understood
Create Solutions
Express Emotions honest clear description of feelings, implied request for help
Reach Out act to communicate, repair emotional damage, apologise, make amends
Think Reflectively, Delay Responses take time out
Observe and Adapt

35. KNOW YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
Know your emotional triggers
Are you particularly irritated by people who are:
unreliable / too analytical / unappreciative / hostile
micro-managing / self-centred / untrustworthy
exploitative / arrogant / sarcastic / ignoring detail
perfectionists / always right / emphasising detail
aloof / abrasive